[Thunder]

I see so much depression in my X off and on for the past 6 months but he is in no way ready to get tested for it or even admit it may be a possibility.

Just thinks he is not getting enough sleep.  sigh

[Wounded Bird]

I see depression in my H.  For one thing he says he wakes up early every night. I used to do that for months but when I got on anti-depressants I slowly started to sleep like a baby again! I've mentioned this to him...pointless! I won't lose any sleep tonight over it!

[toomanytearss]

Mine has been diagnosed and he actually believes it, but his progress is slow and one step forward and it seems 100 steps back.  He also complains not to sleep through the night or to sleep all day on his day off.  Who knows if he's telling the truth.  He refuses medication and is doing therapy only.  I think he needs to live at therapy.   

[Anjae]

He also complains not to sleep through the night or to sleep all day on his day off.  Who knows if he's telling the truth. 

This is most likely true. It fits both depression, anxiety and being too tired, because the adrenaline kick from work days is out, on his day off.

In MLC world a MLCer that goes to therapy is a miracle. 

[Sunny]

Just wanted to attach an article I've read abut depression in men. Men account for 75% of suicides, a statistic I find shocking. It used to be the 20 year old men committing suicide, now it's the 40+ men who are killing themselves. Even for those who don't suffer MLC, (and tbh, probably many of them do), the expectations of "being a man" has likely affected most men. From a young age, boys are told to "man up" or "boys don't cry" and learn that "being a man" requires that they suppress their emotions, especially any feelings of vulnerability and fear, or conceal under an accepted "manly" emotion such as anger. Most men would be hard pressed to identify more than a couple emotions as so few have been culturally available to men, who have long denied themselves access to their emotions.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/feb/08/depression-drives-many-men-to-commit-suicide

[UKStander]

Great topic for a thread, Sunny.  I'm going to read that Guardian article thoroughly when I have more time. But I've already posted to Facebook.  We folks here are in a unique position to spread awareness. We don't have to go on about MLC (a particularly nasty strain of depression), because I find all too many people shut down and don't really want to know - they think I'm being delusional and that worries them.  But we can spread awareness of common-or-garden depression....   No difficulty with that whatsoever.   

Have you joined Depression Alliance?  Good organisation in the UK.  Smaller than 'Mind' which deals with the whole spectrum of mental illness, and it's more focused and friendly. I have, and I plan to do some fund-raising and more, when time allows.

[Sunny]

No I am not familiar with depression alliance, will definitely check it out! Depression definitely needs more awareness, especially how it impacts men, who appear to appear to have so few resources.

[barbiedoll]

Good thread. I spent a snowy day yesterday in front of the fire reading. I read " I Don't Want To Talk About It" , specifically about depression in men and how early trauma manifests itself into mid life crash . I must say... it was the best i have read in a long long time in trying to understand what happened to my husband and my marriage. I felt a deep surge of compassion for my husband.. almost stronger than my rage. So utterly confusing. Anyone who has followed my stories knows my husband has had severe abandonement, raised by a bitter ragefull alcoholic father and sexual assault at 10 years old. This book was sent to me to soften my understanding of what has happened. I recommend that it is a must read for many.. if not all,  wives of men in crisis. Thanks for starting this thread.

[UKStander]

Barbiedoll!  I'm so glad you wrote that.  It's Terrence Real's book, right?  I read it about 9 months after BD and I swear it saved my life. Until I read it, I didn't fully comprehend MLC in a way that fitted exactly with my H and his family (who I know very well).  And what it gave me was understanding and compassion. This turned me into a bit of an outcast for a while because most people I knew wanted to see me simply react with anger and self-righteousness - they wanted my H to be punished for what he'd done.

For me, this version of reality is, and always will be, far too simplistic.

I agree -  I Don't Want to Talk About It should be on every LBS's reading list.  It's a good starting point for the journey.  After that, you can draw your own conclusions about your own spouse. It's not an easy read - and it covers things like the 'escape into grandiosity' which I guess aren't simple concepts - but it's worth the effort.

[Sunny]

What a shame that book is out of print! Fortunately still available on amazon (uk), just noticed it's priced at 39p!! I haven't read it all, I remember I found it so moving, I had to take a break! Good to be reminded of it, without a doubt, the best book for me about what male depression. Definitely helped me to forgive H and find compassion for him.

UKS, I totally understand about other people's expectations. I've since learned to accept that some people feel differently from me, but oh well.  If they are friends, they will respect my opinion and agree to disagree.  If they really have an issue with it and can't respect my feelings, then maybe we aren't meant to be friends. Like many here. I've lost a few "friends" through this, but accept they were never really friends if they couldn't allow me to have my own feelings about my own life.

If you've not read "I don't want to talk about it", you're missing out on one of the best MLC books out there.