[LettingGo]

I guess it's b/c the needy desperate lonely unhappy OW/OM doesn't care.

Once, a long time ago when I still asked questions, LOL!!..I asked my husband if OW every considered what she was doing to his kids and me and he replied... with HEAD DOWN AND SHAME...."No, she doesn't give a damn about you."

At the same time, my husband was completely ENAMORED with the IDEA that she was "so in love with him" that she couldn't stop herself from SINNING (not his words, but... you get the gist).... that translates into 'You are SOOOOO amazing and WORTH sacrificing EVERYTHING FOR..... even my own daughter...." that is something he should have FELT from his parents when he was little, but he didn't. It is COMPLETE and UTTER BULLSHI* and TOTAL EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL and.....the same as HEROIN in his brain....

OW is an ugly pig.... capable of inflicting EXTREME pain onto him.... but he goes back to her again and again..... to try and MAKE the childhood issue "fit" and "work" AND because he feels that is what he deserves.

Not sure how we even have a chance, to tell you the truth....

I'll tell this story again on myself, which illustrates what a HEALTHY person would do... now, mind you, way back in the 1970's when I was just 17, my parents were divorced and I was suffereing the emotional consequences, so I was NOT a healthy example..... and YET.....

I met a super hot bartender that an acquaintance knew... went to a party at his house.... he had expressed interest in me a few times before when I was at his bar (underage.... everybody got it in those days....) ok, and because of my parent's divorce, I'm sure I was acting out and acting "easy", if you know what I mean... throwing off the "daddy issues" vibes and all..

Ok, so anyway, I go to the party at his house, we end up in the bedroom and he has performance issues.... don't think it was ME... pretty sure it was GUILT over his separated WIFE, OR just for using me for sex, whatever. When I found out... THAT NIGHT, that he was "separated" my crush on him was OVER... and I mean OVER!!!! I didn't dislike him, and he was still hot, BUT, HELLO!!! Even I understood that MARRIED is MARRIED until you are divorced for some time... I never gave him another thought after that night.... I just KNEW that men don't leave their wives that way....

So, the point of my story is that OW are NOT NORMAL!! They are Wierdos, too.... that will twist whatever the MLCer says to fit their own scenario. They are NOT "nice" people who just got "caught up" in something.... they are LACKING an empathy component....

Don't underestimate OW... your husband is caught up in her spell, and everything she says sounds like a revelation.... you can't fight that with anything other than NOT GOING AWAY QUIETLY!!!

[Mamma Bear]

   LG I am not going..that's for sure but I have duct tape over my mouth.  So I go along quietly but harboring deadly Truth Darts. 
  Lately I am amazed that they can not call their kids for 8 days or even ask about them.
   A further sign that this is not about a marriage breaking up. It's about running to feel no pain. No responsibilities. No brain.

[LettingGo]

Mamma, it doesn't make it RIGHT, but just so you know... in MLC time, 8 days is more like 8 hours when it comes to time with their kids.... as despicable as it is, they truly feel they have spent more time and energy with the kids than they actually have.... I started keeping a calendar of visits... TIMEWISE... cuz if he stayed in a hotel, then it was really only adding up to about 10 hours per month as he had to get back up to OW's for one night before he had to go to work for the week... yeah, sick and disgusting!

In his brain, he believes he has been HERE for them... not sure a court would agree.... just sayin' 

What would it hurt for you to keep a journal? You never know if you might need it.... I don't show it to my MLCer cuz he doesn't beliee in it's accuracy anyway, LOL!!

OW will become demanding of his time, and he will be low energy as well.... depressed and just "going along with some things".... and your kids will get the short end of the stick..... first comes OW needs, then kids needs, then yours, then his, with OW sucking up most of the oxygen from the get go....

[Mamma Bear]

 Not so sure LG..He's kind of aloof. OW let's H sleep there and call it home but I am sure he's all over hiding out.sleeping in his car during the day at thruway rest areas.
 I don't think they spend a lot of time together.  He's been pensive lately.  I still just love when he tells the Ds how good I look. Then staring into space. I'm doing well. I don't imagine any great infatuation over there. H's eyes are the windows to his soul? Correct?    He is confused maybe for sho' but he's telling me something with those eyes.   Kids get 8 hours with him a week and he sleeps on the couch over there or playground.   or 10 days go by and nothing.  Sorry hijack. OWs are terrible excuses for a bandaid. ew. I know he won't be home for 20 years like RipVan Winkle

[rememberer]

Listen to the gem of OW my H has taken on.

Recently one of my friends from the cottage was telling me how things were going with H, Ow and all our friends up there.

She said, they are trying to like her for his sake, because they truly love my H( he is a great person normally), but they cannot relate to her at all. The woman have tried to engage her, get to know her etc. but she is not interested, never speaks to the woman or shows any effort to have a relationship. She talks only to the men. She openly flirts with all their husbands. The men are frightened of sitting next to her at dinner, because she touches their legs, pinches them, calls them inappropriate names like 'darling', 'sweetie' etc. etc. She gets drunk all the time, and then pulls men up from the table to dance with her and is all over them. They are terrified of her. Then when they refuse to dance with her, she sits and pouts like a baby.

The women are disgusted with her open flirting with their husbands( and she is not even attractive) and the men are frightened of being in the same room with her. Whenever my H and OW leave the room, apparently all the friends joke and snicker about it, think she's a real embaressment and just don't get it. They say she is nothing like me, is not very smart and that I am classy and very much a lady.

She sounds so narcissistic to me and a real mess. Ironically, her H left her for a much younger woman. They have been divorced about 3yrs-about the same amount of time, my marriage started going bad-coincidence? She is clingy and very needy, pushy and manipulative. I'm finding it all very amusing right now.

It will be interesting to see how this drama plays out, but just goes to show how emotionally 'unstable' this woman is, and sadly my H, as well. They are like two alcoholics drowning their sorrows.

[Foxberry]

Yes R,

Sounds familiar.....my H's OW is divorced once, separated from an apparently "abusive" husband - whether she's getting a divorce who knows...she is clingy, desperate and determined to hang on to my obviously unwell H....so again two desperate people who have built a relationship on betrayal and lies....he then dumps her for 2 weeks comes back to me and realises he can't take the questions and probably the feelings of guilt and shame I make him feel, so he went straight back to her and SHE TOOK HIM BACK no questions asked apparently? I can't get my head around such a woman.... I have 28 years of history with this man, so naturally I was willing to take him back, she has only 6 months and H was ready to leave her for me again..... Unfathomable..... The same things that irritated him 2 months ago, will resurface again I'm sure, only this time where will he go? H has made it clear our marriage is over...

Fox xxxx

[Synicca]

I have read many articales on women who get involved with married men..

It isn't pretty..I truly believe that my H's Ow is in it for the money...my H owns a house ( MY HOUSE )
we have a boat, jet ski, Harley, dirt bikes, nice Tahoe, nice things IN the home...

My H makes about 90 thousand a yr....( well, he did before Ow ) LOL!!!

Just bought a 2007 Cadilac ( UGH)

I think ( almost pretty sure ) my H talked about ALL the wonderful things they could do together.
How we are 2 hours away from anything you want to do in Cali. ( Central Cali )

She hates it when my H gives me  child support  Doesn't like when H has to do
anything for me, that requires money OR time..

She lives in Upstate NY, in a Low income apartment, welfare, child support....cant afford her own car.

YOU KNOW she wants to be taken care of...MY LIFE!!  ugh

[Synicca]

Oh and I forgot to say...2 children from 2 different men, abusive R with provious H...

divorced now..

[StandandDeliver]

My H dumped OW for a month after BD. When he finally left he went back to her straight away, she was "angry" for a day and took him right back. She is a golddigger too.

Again we had 16 years history and kids, which is why I was willing to take him back. She went out with him for 3 months was dumped for a month and took him back - no questions asked. Dumped her boyfriend and moved in with H straight away - had been waiting for H to leave me so they could get an apartment together before she left her "awful" boyfriend. Just wanted someone "better" i.e wealthier lined up before she made her move. There are many words for women like her, but I will refrain 

[Synicca]

S&D

My h left Ow 5 times while she was here in Cali...4 of thoughs times We slept together...2 of which Ow knows
about...She took him back every time! Told me that " he only ran to me because i was a safe place to fall"

Really? I wonder why?? could it be because  HE IS SCARED OF YOU???  LOL!!!

They are willing to degrade themselves in order to get what they want...I have no sympathy for her.
I can forgive my H forgiveness because he is wacko for it...but her? Nope. I personally think she is also going through
some crisis of her own...but maybe she is just like that....who knows! and who cares!