[LettingGo]

They let their kids run outside in street with no shoes...ripped messy clothes.. ketchup on turkey at  Thanksgiving.   No nothing..no inspiration. no desire to be kind..well educated always fighting always cops always alcohol and drugs and unexplained pregnancies

Mamma Bear...... BEST description of "trailer trash" EVER!!! Ketchup on Turkey?

You are funny as all get out...

Foxberry and Heartbroken...... just so you know, "what you think about you bring about". It is appropriate to be angry with your spouses..... totally understandable... you'd be crazy if you weren't, but imagining they will never come back? If I thought there was no hope for my marriage, I wouldn't be here. Standing for my marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm having to do most all of the work for now.... it's exhausting and there's not much gratification in it.... but I look at it like building a business.... the first couple of years you work your a** off and aren't making a profit.... there's no guarantee you will make it, in fact, the odds for success are against new business owners, but you are doing what you love and have a dream of a better future and HOPE for shorter hours and better pay in the end, LOL!!

[StandandDeliver]

My new mantra is that H would be nuts not to want to come back to me. But atm he is nuts. If he doesn't come back it means he is still crazy (well, MLC crazy). If he does, then he is exiting the crazy tunnel. Maybe it is my ego, I don't know! I mean, I have no idea IF he will come back one day or not. But I do know that if he doesn't it will be his loss. I am feeling better about myself all the time. Getting past the 6 mth mark about a month ago seemed to mark something of a watershed for me. Not that I am never sad, of course, but these days I find it easier and easier to concentrate on me. Also, I realise that when I think of MY H I am thinking of him 2 or 3 years ago. I do not even picture him the way he looks now - his "new" image. I picture a laid back gentle man who would not wish to cause harm to anyone. I picture a man with a silly sense of humour and a twinkle in his eye. That man disappeared almost 2 years ago. I don't know the man he is now at all. He doesn't even look the same. He looks arrogant, contrite, sheepish, monsterish by turn... but NEVER laid back, chilled out and smiley.

Maybe that is just around me, who knows, even if it is, I don't like that particular man around me. Maybe one day I will see the "real" H again. If not, then in truth, I lost my H 2 years ago  and a narcissist took his place - OW is welcome to that narcissist.

[Foxberry]

Wise words indeed..... I too believe my H would be crazy not to come back to me, but when he told me "I ended our marriage last night" I thought all was lost for both of us.... and of course not a word from him since - our Wedding Anniversary came and went a week ago and now he's off on holiday with OW and her family....

I do agree though that the man who is behaving in this dreadful way isn't the man I have been living with for the past 28 years.... so maybe just maybe one day my H will break through and he will think about what he has lost along the way....

Love and hugs
Fox xxx

[mercury]

My H OW is a typical needy, coming from a bad family, bad past xH who beat her and she needs to be recused and saved. She has back problems, bipolar and very desperate, with low self-esteem only those go after married men. She works at least, has a good job. I think she pretends to care about our D and what she has done, but it is just to keep him under her grip, lies. This one got her nails in and I doubt she's going to let go. She needs a husband badly. He doesn't respect her, at least that is the impression I got from things I've heard him say to her and to others, but he's in love, "thinks" he's in love. My D likes to say, to  let them rot together, I have to agree. Right now they deserve each other. Two people willing to hurt  others so easily, to destroy a family and a past. I only hope one day that he looks at her and sees what she really is and she spends the rest of her time with him, dripping in  fear he will leave and do to her what she help him do to me.

The other day I was at my friends across the street where she lives with my H, she came over because my friends kid plays with hers, to see if they could play. My car wasn't outside so she didn't know I was in the house. My friend told her I was here, she ran out the porch and down the drive way like a rocket leaving her 5 year old on the porch. Embarrassed??? They know what they are doing is wrong, but they are immortal and selfish. I hope the karma visits her and my H.

[truth_seeker]

Also, I realise that when I think of MY H I am thinking of him 2 or 3 years ago. I do not even picture him the way he looks now - his "new" image. I picture a laid back gentle man who would not wish to cause harm to anyone. I picture a man with a silly sense of humour and a twinkle in his eye. That man disappeared almost 2 years ago. I don't know the man he is now at all. He doesn't even look the same. He looks arrogant, contrite, sheepish, monsterish by turn... but NEVER laid back, chilled out and smiley.

Maybe that is just around me, who knows, even if it is, I don't like that particular man around me. Maybe one day I will see the "real" H again. If not, then in truth, I lost my H 2 years ago  and a narcissist took his place - OW is welcome to that narcissist.

S&D
You just described my H perfectly.  When I think of my H I too think of him from the past and not this "thing" he's become because he certainly is no man I know or have known ever!  I grieve for the man he once was but I also pray for the "new & improved" man his is to become in time. 

MammaBear
Best description of trailer park trash! That is it exactly.  Picture Jerry Springer guests and that's what you get.  Along with the bad teeth, bad hair, no morals and very "loose" in every aspect of their lives.  Pitiful excuse for human beings.  I would be able to forgive someone who didn't know any better but these OW/OM are predators & scum, who go from person to person without regard for their actions or who it might hurt as long as they get what "they" want.  Even if it hurts their own.

Can I forgive my H? Yes, I believe I can some day because I KNOW he's not in his right mind.  I also KNOW my H pre-MLC and he was not perfect by any means nor was I.  Today, he is in the "FIRE" and I can't see him continue to "Burn" without helping in some way.  Even if the ONLY thing I can do is "PRAY" for him.  Whether he comes back or not. He is the F of my children and they do need their F and their F needs them.  Even if they don't realize it yet.  But he's nowhere near ready to be a F today nor would I want him to infect (yes you read that right) them with his madness.  I will "PROTECT" them through all means necessary and will NOT waver.  Even from their F.  There's no compromise.  H will need to do the "heavy lifting" when it's time for him to reconcile with our kids. 

TS

[Foxberry]

... bad past xH who beat her and she needs to be recused and saved. She has back problems, bipolar and very desperate, with low self-esteem only those go after married men. She works at least, has a good job. I think she pretends to care about our D and what she has done, but it is just to keep him under her grip, lies. This one got her nails in and I doubt she's going to let go. She needs a husband badly.

Mercury...so true - OW's first H cheated on her - she then married a "loser" apparently who beat her - my H came along and rescued her - got her to report the beatings to the police and the family see my H as their Mother's saviour!!! He can do no wrong in their eyes....his own family doesn't matter to him any more....Yes she has low self-esteem or she wouldn't have gone after my H - she told H "I've never met anyone like you before" and he felt for it....she's said that at least twice before! How stupid can men be....?  She works as a successful account manager and it is her salary that is keeping them going at the moment as my H is paying all the bills on our home... So desperate is she that even when my H DUMPED her at Easter to come back to me whilst I was staying with my Son - after 2 weeks when H decided I was too much like hard work - she took him back no questions asked... what kind of woman does that? They are already cheaters and now OW knows H has still got feelings for me or he wouldn't even have tried!!! let alone told me time and time again that "he loved me"... of course his actions weren't those of love - just trying something different... that's what I saw myself as - something different that he hadn't tried for the previous 6 months he'd been away from me..... so very sad....

Love and hugs
Fox xxxx

[truth_seeker]

How stupid can men be....? 

HEALTHY men are in NO WAY stupid but these MLCer men are CRAZY!  Sorry, I had to comment on this because I myself find I get angry at men sometimes and then have to remind myself there are wonderful men all around.  DGU, Ready, Rebel, OP just to name a few are the "real men" who are the example for what a healthy "REAL" man should be.  I know for me, when I think about what qualities I want for in any man that's in my life now I think of these men.  They are the standard by which I measure.  I have a lot of guy friends and each of them are wonderful H and F.  I pray my H becomes the man he needs to be but if he doesn't then that's his loss.  He will have missed out on such a wonderful and happy life. 

TS

[StandandDeliver]

Fox, you need to remember that these MLCers are in an identity crisis! Rescuing someone is fun while it is a fantasy. And for a while thereafter while they feel like the saviour, but that is especially while the OW is still an affair, she is unknown except for what she says, she is wonderful, she is perfect.  In reality she is far from perfect, we know it, they can't see it. Yet. But as living with them becomes the norm, they become less and less saintly, and gradually less and less perfect. What the MLCer doesn't want to let go of is the fantasy, the high, but eventually they will have to concede that the reality has not panned out the way they planned. OW is human, she burps and farts. And emotionally (and yours is a serious case in point) they are very damaged people. My H thinks he rescued his OW from her awful boyfriend. Boyf can't have been that awful because OW didn't actually leave him and move out until H had DEFINITELY left me and was looking for his own apartment, not that she uses men or anything. She had a job and a mother and, apparently, a friend she could have moved in with if she hated little old boyf so much (i kid you not - H told me she lived in the same town she grew up in and she had "a friend" - singular, sounds like she was loved by everyone - I am sure that the fact H felt she was "misunderstood" and he was the only one who could understand her added to her appeal) misunderstood/disliked - potato/potahto, semantics.

Anyway, my point - all is not as it seems, and all is definitely as a your H says. But even if he can't find the strength to escape, he will never be content. So, what choice do you have but to let go? Let go for your own sake, and don't worry about the results, you will survive and, indeed, thrive if you concentrate on your own well-being!

[phoenixwoman1]

Hi All,

Heartbroken:  I know how it is with court dates...it seems so far off.  Make sure try and get what you need legally, but my advice would still be civil and pleasant in person or with any contact.  I just filed with DHS to get the thousands my XH owes me in child support.  I had told him a few weeks ago where the line in the sand is.  I won't mention it again, just take the necessary actions to get it legally.  Remember..you catch more flies with honey! Sometimes you have to be a great actress and put on an academy award winning performance to keep emotions in check, but you will appear more classy for it I promise:) Let 'em get worked up (for trying to have security for you and your son Oh mY how could you..LOL).  I was told I was selfish in wanting him to actually pay child support for the first time in 6 months.  As for "trailer trash", I have no problem with decent people who live in trailers as they are not trailer trash.  I know how you mean it of course..sounds like our H's OW are the true sense of the word... Welfare lifestyle, reproduce like dogs, and would do whatever it takes for their own gain.  I laugh at the $5 dye job my XH's OW has...want to say "can't you at least spring for a decent coloring" LOL.  Smoked in car with kids (until I had words with XH) and smokes inside with her own kids..what a gem. 
Fox:  My XH and I also "reconnected" briefly last winter, but just until OW was out of Rehab.  He stopped setting up time with me and suddenly showed up with her and her son in the truck to pick my kids up.  I was hurt all over again, but I can tell you I expected it.  When he was with me he told me she was a "distracion".  Told me he was "gun shy" about us getting back together.  I'm not sure what was truth/ lies or whether he was just confused???
Stand and Deliver:  I love that Nina Simone song..posted it on  my f/b page a couple months ago

[brokenhearted]

I know everyone says that the other woman or man is an "affair down". But I wonder if that is always true. Maybe they are attractive, educated and really believe they are in love with our spouse or partner.
In my case my partner spent about 7 months in what I thought was a deep depression before the bomb drop. He told the other woman we were broke up during that time, though I was trying to encourage him to talk to someone during that time, giving him books and articles. We were still taking my dad out each week and other things, not broke up as he said to her.
The point is that she probably believed him so thought she was dating a free man, as we were not married.
I did have him pass on the message that I hoped she would step aside as I thought he was in a deep depression. She did not but maybe she thought I was just unwilling to accept that my partner said to her we were broken up. Is the ow ever the innocent, nice person, misled by our partner's lies? Though I do think she should have backed off when my partner told her I thought it was depression and asked that she step aside. She didn't so is that why she would be an affair down, because of her lack of respect for me an my 15 year partnership?