[Dontgiveup]

Brokenhearted

Yep....here's a piece of RCR's article on the affair down.....things like educational level are not what makes it an affair down.

A Warning
Some of you will dismiss the Affair Down scenario when you learn the alienator is an MBA and has a higher paying job than you or your MLCer. Pond Scum is not an intelligence rating or indicative of educational or career level. A Rocket Scientist employed by NASA can be pond scum; intelligence, educational level or career status are irrelevant. Pond Scum is about mental and emotional instability. Some people compartmentalize well and are brilliant in their professional lives while being unable to maintain a healthy relationship. A caring kindergarten teacher can be an alienator. Emotional and mental instability knows no socio-economic or cultural bounds.

[truth_seeker]

If you need further proof of what an affair down is go read my post under "Validation MLCer is having a wonderful life".  A Harvard PhD with R issues and not opposed to going out with married men is still an affair down. 

[phoenixwoman1]

Does anyone know of statistics related to the success/failure rates, etc. of WAS's relationships with OP when they begin while married?  I realize they are not ordinarily successful, but would love to know stats.  Usual length of time I believe is an average of 2 years.  Is it usually WAS or OP that ends the relationship?

[Stillpraying]

I don't know but I found out about OW when H sent me a text meant for her 11 days after he moved out and he said "Love U" but maintains he hooked up with her AFTER he left me. 

Everyone says " sorry love, but he met her way before"  So I don't beleive him.  He says he's been 'friends' for a year and was very supportive when he confided about OUR marraige to her.  She respected that he was married and so did he. The when he told her he had separated, she made her intentions known!  "It just happened"!!

I do know I wrote him a letter in Sept '09 about being so emotionally distant and he started working at this new place a month before.  So I'm guessing an emotional affair started some time there after as he also wrote me a letter saying I wasn't doing this and that etc basically shape up or I won't want to spend the rest of my life with you letter.  I have no idea how long they will last though?

[Synicca]

First of all, remember not
to focus on the Ow/Om R...it isnt real...but for the sake of your sanity..there is a 99% fail rate.

HUGS

[unbroken]

I don't know the statistics, if there are any.
I don't believe 99% fail.  I think many fail, but many also survive.
It's not about her or them.  It's about your H and you can't control what he does.
You know what the two of you had together.  Is it worth fighting for?  Was he happy?
You have the best idea of whether or not he's coming back.  Not based on what he says now, but on what you had together and who he truly is as a person.
Take the focus off of him and spend your energy on you.
The road is long and hard.
Hang in there.

[Synicca]

I actually looked up the stats...99% fail rate.

Because the R starts out with deciet and betrayal...

The OM/OW knows that the person they are with is a cheater....and the married person knows
that the Alienator has no morals.

The very foundation the R sits on, is broken and there is no trust.

Just my .02

Hugs

[Buggy31]

Very few of these R will survive.  How long?  Is anybody's guess.  It is not only an affair.  It is an MLC affair which has predictable dynamics similiar to a regular affair but also a bit different too.  There is NO trust, NO respect and NO foundation in this R.  It is PURE fantasy.  The only way to dispel fantasy....in some sitches...and with some MLCers....is to LIVE it...then it becomes REALITY.  When you move forward and detach and take care of the one person you can...which is all you can ever do...it lets your H follow his FANTASY and make it a REALITY.  For many MLCers this is  the rock bottom of their life.   A wake up call and the ALIENATOR is actually a perfect match to take them to rock bottom.  If that makes sense.  Trust in God that their is a PLAN here.  THat you cannot commit such acts and not have consequences.  Let go and let god take care of the consequences.  YOU WILL BE FINE EITHER WAY. Have faith that all is as it should be.

HUGS
BUGS

[Dontgiveup]

I am not sure if the information below directly answers the question.....but I think this statistic does give some insight and encouragement.

I think it's safe to say it's a low number of these relationships that succeed long term.

A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

[LettingGo]

How do you define "succeed"? If you mean live a life with, well, people live their lives with others in jail because they have no choice.... sometimes the MLCer won't come home because the LBS is not standing or forgiving by the time they wake up, which is typical.

I think your question is really "Does my husband REALLY love this OW? Is that what this is truly about?"