[Stillpraying]

Laughing at OW.  How deluded they are.

[Shantilly Lace]

Hey SP,
I haven't had a lot of time up my sleeve at present. Work, kids and an MLCer underfoot has me busy.

Also add being sick I have collapsed earlier then my norm. I really want to catch up with you and your situation as well as others.
As for being the hated one remember this hatred is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. The thing is with MLC the mask can be mistaken for indifference.

So if you are the hated one that is a good sign as passion is still there just warped.  And Altho a bad analogy the best romance novels start with the lovers loathing each other.

[LisaLives]

LG, Do you ever worry that he won't choose?  I only ask because my friend did that for almost 10 years, 30 years ago.  He went from her to OW, and back, he never wanted to choose.  My friend finally said she was done, and kicked him out.  He is still painfully married to OW and his kids hate him, he still tells her he loves her every chance he gets, and still supports her financially. 

She was the one who convinced me that I had to kick him out and go NC right from the beginning, that I had to let him go, so he can make his choice and live with it, and not put my kids through the hell that her kids lived, and I know all her kids, they are still scarred.  Not being critical, just wondering how you know he'll come out of it in a decent amount of time and you won't have given away all of yourself for nothing, like my friend did... 

She is one of the people I know who came out well on the other side, but she is not thankful for the years she wasted waiting and trying to be understanding.   

[Synicca]

Hey!! the " How dare you cheat on me with your wife"  LOL!!!!

Been there....Done that!! 

[LettingGo]

LisaLives...

In answer to your question... my husband has already chosen me. There was a long period of uncertainty, and then I knew he wanted to come home, but I was so angry he didn't feel it would ever work.

I have every right to be angry, and believe me, I'm not "understanding" that he's going to be at OW's tonight doing whatever, but if you want your husband to find his way home, you don't put up obstacles in his path. We talk about being the better option... unfortunately, you are an option in his life.... he knows OW is horrible, but for some reason, MLCers cannot be alone, so they will choose her for lack of a better option if they are afraid to come home.

MLCers have NO self esteem and they feel unloved.... they will NOT make  a HUGE effort to leave OW if they feel it might not work with you, and then they won't have anyone... that's straight from the horse's mouth, by the way.

As Shantilly says "we are tempting them" little by little while OW is driving them back to us with her anger and jealousy and insecurity and neediness.... once you get them home, they need a grace period to finish out their MLC before you start in with the "talks".... you really need to accept that your husband is unwell emotionally, so asking him to commit to something or go to MC or anything is really way too much.

[wondering]

My h admitted to Ow one time that he slept with me and that's what she said, "How could you?" ...hello ...he's married...idiot these ow.

[Mamma Bear]

 When I snook down an alley where my H parked his car when he went on limo runs and saw him 2 weeks post BD I tried to kiss him and he pulled away like I had N1H1 Swine Flu or something I guess he didn't want to be unfaithful to Bowser. Didn't want to cheat on her with me. The stupid wife who pushed him away. "What I asked from you Mamma Bear was so simple. Yet you couldn't do it"       WTF?

[Synicca]

Mamma,

2 weeks post BD would have sent my H screaming away from me.....

when we first "cheated" LOL! it was about 2 months after..and he felt horrible because he was unfaithful
to her.....but now...since we have made love  about 10 or more times in the last 8 months..
he doesnt feel that guilty...but then again...now he is having ED issues.....

[StillStanding]

LG, Do you ever worry that he won't choose?  I only ask because my friend did that for almost 10 years, 30 years ago.  He went from her to OW, and back, he never wanted to choose.

It sounds more like he opted to let either his wife or the OW make the decision for him. Which is, in itself, a choice -- not a particularly courageous one, but we are talking about MLC. It allows him to avoid taking responsibility for making the "wrong" decision; he's "stuck" with OW because his ex-wife won't take him back.

[LettingGo]

Mamma.... leave your man alone..... you will have your turn at hyperbonding a little further on up the road... right now, you are just the same old same old so leave him alone.

Everyone knows my husband has had a problem with ED since at least 5 years ago, but it wasn't as bad as he thought.... now, which came first? The depression or the ED? No way for me to know... but he takes pills with OW so as not to fail... with me, no pills and sometimes it works GREAT... others....not so much which makes him feel worse. I'm sure the guilt doesn't help, either, but I don't think it's guilt for cheating on OW in my sitch... now I think he just feels like such a jerk for cheating on ME...

Remember, their minds are full of chaos... sort of like a woman's and we all know how long it takes us to warm up.... more like a diesel engine than a regular one, LOL!!