[crazyforhim]

nesquick

sending you strength and lots of hugs
stay strong

CFH
 

[crazyforhim]

Any Canadians here?

[LifeGoesOn]

While I do not like the use of the psychopath, I found this interesting. Generally, it seems to describe OW's....

Even though I care to know as little as possible about my H's A, what I do know fits the alienator's approach into this:

Basic manipulative strategy of a psychopath

According to Hare and Babiak,[4] psychopaths are always on the lookout for individuals to scam or swindle. The psychopathic approach includes three phases:
1. Assessment phase
Some psychopaths are opportunistic, aggressive predators who will take advantage of almost anyone they meet, while others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, innocent victim to cross their path. In each case, the psychopath is constantly sizing up the potential usefulness of an individual as a source of money, power, sex, or influence. Some psychopaths enjoy a challenge while others prey on people who are vulnerable. During the assessment phase, the psychopath is able to determine a potential victim’s weak points and will use those weak points to seduce.
2. Manipulation phase
Once the psychopath has identified a victim, the manipulation phase begins. During the manipulation phase, a psychopath may create a persona or mask, specifically designed to ‘work’ for his or her target. A psychopath will lie to gain the trust of their victim. Psychopaths' lack of empathy and guilt allows them to lie with impunity; they do not see the value of telling the truth unless it will help get them what they want.
As interaction with the victim proceeds, the psychopath carefully assesses the victim's persona. The victim's persona gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics valued in the victim. The victim's persona may also reveal, to an astute observer, insecurities or weaknesses the victim wishes to minimize or hide from view. As an ardent student of human behavior, the psychopath will then gently test the inner strengths and needs that are part of the victim's private self and eventually build a personal relationship with the victim.
The persona of the psychopath - the “personality” the victim is bonding with - does not really exist. It is built on lies, carefully woven together to entrap the victim. It is a mask, one of many, custom-made by the psychopath to fit the victim's particular psychological needs and expectations. The victimization is predatory in nature; it often leads to severe financial, physical or emotional harm for the individual. Healthy, real relationships are built on mutual respect and trust; they are based on sharing honest thoughts and feelings. The victim's mistaken belief that the psychopathic bond has any of these characteristics is the reason it is so successful.
3. Abandonment phase
The abandonment phase begins when the psychopath decides that his or her victim is no longer useful. The psychopath abandons his or her victim and moves on to someone else. In the case of romantic relationships, a psychopath will usually seal a relationship with their next target before abandoning his or her current victim. Sometimes, the psychopath has three individuals on whom he or she is running game: the one who has been recently abandoned, who is being toyed with and kept in the picture in case the other two do not work out; the one who is currently being played and is about to be abandoned; and the third, who is being groomed by the psychopath, in anticipation of abandoning the current "mark".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

[Freddygone]

This is scary, but it describes my wife's 'friend' to a tee.
Unfortunately, if you try to explain any of this to anyone else, they thing you are nuts.
Maybe we are, for hanging around, sorry standing.

Basically we are waiting until these people have finished ?

[LifeGoesOn]

freddy...here is a better blog.....

http://withoutempathy.blogspot.com/

Are we waiting? IDK.... it is not like I am at a bus stop waiting for a bus with nothing to do. 

I am enjoying the gift of time

[Mamma Bear]

  OMG! LifeGoesOn I was going to say I don't feel like I am waiting for a bus!!!!  LOL ! That's a sign. Or I'm waiting for a bus that broke down so I went ahead and hitched a ride with some other folks(you guys) and I'm humming right along 'as if'           

[Freddygone]

Wow...withoutempathy has these people pegged.
It is very hard to stop them I think, because they are intelligent, charming and unscrupulous.
I suppose you somehow need to remove their target, which in my case I believe is getting half the family home value into my wife's hands and then conning her out of it.
Nice work if you can get it. Better than a real job.
They leave broken families and people in their wake. Funny how they have no friends, just empty facebook pages and Twitter where they talk to themselves. fascinating.

[Mamma Bear]

  Last night on Criminal Minds there was a story about an Ex Navy Seal who hit his head in a car accident and it did something to his brain.  He thought the people he loved "his family" were imposters so he was killing them. He thought their bodies had been taken over by aliens.  Why does that sound familiar?
    It was so weird for me to watch this unfold. Even 'The Team' was empathetic to the perp bc "it wasn't his fault"   At one point his estranged W could only talk to him on the phone bc if it was just her voice it was OK. If he saw them he thought they took his real wife and family and had to kill them.
    The brain chemistry involved in of all of this is baffling.   I can't believe his depression ran deep enough for him to convince himself that his family doesn't matter. Only OW matters.  For now

[LifeGoesOn]

I thought it was interesting where the author says the psycho actually looks for people with integrity and morals just to see if they can "take them down".  The manipulation is sooo subtle. The emotional blackmail is obvious to everyone except the victim, b/c they are so convinced by the psycho that the psycho is a good person 'underneath' and aside from their actions. They only behave this way b/c of 'love and friendship'. They only do something immoral and without integrity b/c in the end it is in everyone's best interests.

Now get really afraid..... psychopathic killers tend to pair up with depressives ("Columbine"). Fortunately, most are not killers. Most are searching for what they do not have...empathy and love. They think they can find this by taking it from another, whether it is through money, power, control. H's OW sees all three in my H. And she is ruthless while seeming the poor misunderstood damsel. She has a school psychology PhD  and gets a lot of her emotional guidance from movies. She actually shows H movies to demonstrate her feelings and reasons for her behavior It is sad that H buys it.

It is soo frustrating that he doesn't see what everyone does.  H says their friendship is the most important aspect of their A. (OOOPs, "It is not an Affair!") Well, dear H, What kind of friend, exposes your A to your wife while your father is dying and you (and she) are at your most vulnerable?  You, yourself, said you were not ready to leave me, but did she care? No, she got a hotel room for you to retreat to when she exposed it. She left her H the day after I threw you out and it was a coincidence Really? Are you kidding me? Do you really believe this is a Lifetime channel movie?

Enough of my rant. She saw her target and primed him for a long time. But, b/c this is not a movie, she did not count on much less understand the deep bond under all the life-crap of our M. I am all she has to keep the drama going. The conflict will eventually wear on H..... He left me b/c it caused her (and thus him) too much pain. ? She will never get enough of him to feel secure with him (b/c he loves me!) How far will he allow her to push him?

So, in a way, I am waiting for a bus....the karma bus. 

[Mamma Bear]

  LGO Yeah my H told me two weeks post BD when I tracked him down in an alley outside his job  " Listen, Mamma Bear, we cried buckets over this. I am done crying."    Oh really ? You and Skank ow crying over what you did to me.
    If he ever comes to reconcile and she bothers me at all (I HOPE SHE STAYS AWAY) I will tell her "Listen Bowser, My H and I have cried buckets over this. He is done crying."