[crazyforhim]

I would think that if my H was so happy, wouldn't he try and show me how happy he is...
When I see him he always looks miserable and tired. If I was trying to prove how happy I was, I would actually
look happy.
I guess the act can't continue forever.

[Anjae]

AnneJ, the reason OW is upset with the wife is because SHE FEELS ENTITLED TO YOUR HUSBAND!!! It doesn't matter if he EVER even made false promises to her... she FEELS ENTITLED!! She is a selfish BIT**, plain and simple.

I'm truly sorry to disapoint OW and break her heart, but the only person entitled to my husband is me!  No idea what husband promissed, if anything, to OW1 or OW2. Not my business. I'm the wife. I care about what he promised me.

But I'm not gonna get a fight with OW. Sorry, I'm not very good at this love arena women are good at. So, no fighting over the same man.


crazy, yep, if they are so happy, why do they not look happy when around us?...Because they are not happy? Right? Right! 

[crazyforhim]

Anne- that's what I was thinking. I am happy around my H.
So guess they aren't happy..like someone said the act can't last forever cause I remember times when he was sooo happy
I thought Omg. Well not anymore!
Sometimes (and I'm getting better at this) I take it personally and think he is just not wanting to be around me.
Took a long time to get past that and now I only slip up once and a while.

[TrustingMyHP]

From Synica:

"isn't it funny how the OW thinks they know everything about us?? My H's OW told me that I needed to pick myself up
by my bootstraps and get over my H...That he didn't love nor want me anymore.....LOL!!!"


Unfortunately, I suspect the OW DOES know everything about me.  It's one of the most depressing and hateful things about this whole mess.

My H and OW have been together going on 3 years.  I know they've been sleeping together for over two years, maybe longer.

I'm sure, given the level of intimacy and the length of time and the fact they've been living together in close quarters on a boat for the past 8 months, he's told her all about me.  She probably knows more about me than my therapist and best friend combined!  All my "secrets," private challenges, heartbreaks, behavior, etc.

Right after BD 8 months ago, when I was so full of anger, rage, fear, self-pity, etc. and when I was still asking questions of my H about OW, I brought this subject up.  I told him that, even more upsetting to me than the physical infidelity, was the emotional infidelity.  I was beginning to realize that he was not only f****** this woman but was talking to her--about me!  This person I'd never even met, who I wouldn't know if I passed in the street, probably knew my life's story, warts and all.  It made me physically sick.

So I asked my husband outright.  I said, "You've told her all about me haven't you.  All the reasons you're angry at me, the arguments, the problems, everything about my life, etc., etc. haven't' you!"  He was silent a few moments, hung his head and said, "I had to talk to someone."

It was a low point, to say the least.

TMHP

[nesquick2]

believe me they are not happy. we know them better than anyone. think thats why hubby is so monster at the minute as he knows ive moved on. he even admitted that to me at the beginning of the year. he said he delibrately knocked me down because he did not want me to move on. well i have. i have my off days but i love the life i got. TrustingMYHP....... i think ow are jelous of what what we had with our partners. we are a threat to them. apparently i really *iss her of by doing nothing because i dont bite. if i can *iss her of by  doing nothing then i aim to please       hope you all have a great day. stay strong everyone 

[angelgirl]

LG: "strong women": YES that's what my H said. he thought OW was strong, didn't need a man, and how flattered he was that's she'd consider taking care of him. meanwhile, she needed "saving" from a loveless marriage. he was impressed with all the money she had and how she made  a name for herself. Toward the end of their sick and demented relationship, he was stunned she needed "taking care of" and  that she was so insecure all along. She also felt entitled to my H. I, on the other hand, didn't deserve him.
 the OW friend I have feels that way too. she feels that the wife of her married H doesn't deserve him either.

The OW my H was involved with spoke with authority about ME, like she knew all about me. When my H would come over, i was careful to say, "I don't know her, I won't make judgments about her, she must be nice if you like her (UGH,try saying that without puking), but most women want to be taking care of dear. She'll want something eventually." At first he thought i was nuts (he made me feel that way for a while), but little by little she showed her true colors. First she chipped away at me but she made the mistake of making fun of our D's looks (and my D is very cute too, so OW must be an idiot), and then she made a disparaging remark to my H's nephew (another idiotic mistake) provoking a very colorful, and distasteful remark from the nephew. I on the other hand never called my H names or OW names. He was in comparison mode, so it seeped into his mushy brain somehow. OW ALSO refused to allow him to come into the house. "why, I'd say. She loves you and trusts you right? what's the problem?" H would say, "she knows you want me back, and you'll try anything." "Oh, so she thinks that you are susceptible to my feminine wiles, huh? Doesn't she think you KNOW better. Hmmm, what MUST she think of you?"
When he was with me, he would end up coming into the house. She flipped but then "allowed it" but dug an dug at him. At one point I said, "what's wrong? you said you were happy". He said, "you think I'm happy. Everyone says I must be happy to have two women in my life. Well, I'M NOT HAPPY! OK! I'M NOT." So I pulled a doctor phil on him, "not working for ya huh?"
The alienator articles on this site were on point for her psychological standpoint, and I found them useful actually. Even though many on this forum and even my therapist said she was incidental to his MLC/breakdown, and not worthy of any thought,  I found that understanding her gave me more power. I knew she'd answer one way, I'd do the opposite. She started to cause anxiety, I provided calm.

HB's H had said, "why didn't you try to stop me?" Interesting, because my H said, "If you knew about her (i didn't until after BD, actually), why didn't you do something about it? I think I wanted you to know so you could stop me. Why didn't my family try to help me?" I said that we did in our own may, but that he was a runaway train, a human wrecking ball that seemed unstoppable. H said he felt like he was watching himself. He also is baffled as to why he  even considered OW. She's not his "type". He said, "i was obviously mentally ill."
Ya think?
angelgirl

[Mamma Bear]

Thanks Angelgirl, Love that post. I love hearing about how Affair Down is for real. Apparently I have trouble seeing the forest bc I am in it.   
     Even though my H met OW at a convenience store and moved in with after 3 weeks abandoning me and the Ds. She has tiny apt with no ac no tv no cable no car no good job Just my H...My confused panicked lost H.  That seems to be the best part of her resume.  LOL.. Luckily my H doesn't bad mouth me. He just feels sad that I pushed him away bc he loves ME!
   Oh well. He'll learn.   Thanks again.

[Synicca]

Angel,

sounds like your H was with my H's OW...are you from upstate NY??  LOL!! I hold no value to the OW either...I have said that
its nice knowing that by ME doing nothing that it upsets her so much....I will continue to be the invisible thorn in her side

[wondering]

Don't worry about what they tell the OW..because I believe it is mostly lies. They tell the OW that you never had sex with them anymore, that it is a loveless marriage, that they sleep in a separate room. My H did tell his OW some stuff and it came back to haunt him. He had told her how much I make and what I do for a living. In the end she was arguing that he was staying with me because my pathetic self couldn't support myself (lies) and that she made more money than me therefore she was the better option. She called me a low life and that he should not be paying for anything having to do with me. He was not impressed and apologized for ever telling her anything. He began to see her as pathetic, grasping at straws when he was breaking it off.

Time is almost always on the LBS side. My H's Ow also was described by H as strong, independent, etc. In the end she was needy, clingy, desperate, did all the pursuing and dug her own grave.

[crazyforhim]

I know my H's OW will post anything and everything on FB to prove their love...whatever!
She is 10 years younger than my H and has alot of growing up to do.
She has become so less important in my life than at the beginning after BD.

So just to confirm...time is ALWAYS on our side. What if H complies with all her requests and demands. That makes them happy and then what?

CFH