[Rookie13]

I agree 3 years is the short side and like AnneJ, I see no signs of her coming out of it. I have moved on with my feelings for her, pain is gone, kids are forever though spouse's are not.

I've been battling things at S5 school for well over a year now that she just keeps telling them the "rose colored glasses" side ( he's autistic). This stuff is forever. These are the things that are unnecessary. His behavior has gone 180 at school since OM has been around and she blames it on a new teacher this year. Tells the school he is fine at home ( which I know is not true by S8).

I am done battling her MLC and have been for quite sometime, I am just trying to keep the kiddo's head straight. I finally told S5 TEAM at school today ( another meeting because of the ex screwing up his IEP) that some of his misbehaving could be attributed to his home life. Nobody could understand why S5 had such a turn around and these people are professionals. You do the math. He's here tonight and is loving and comfortable, S8 tells me he gives her a hard time almost every night and she has been given him melatonin to put him to bed now for 2years straight!.Which I called her on today and she says she doesn't do it every night yet there it was packed in his over night bag for me! Problem with MLC I cannot approach her about any parenting skills as her defense's and denial kick right in. He had his physical and she talked to the Dr about him having ADHD! enough said. Thanks for letting me vent out the kiddo's!

[Dontgiveup]

AnneJ

"OK, and what is the long time to make it through MLC? 10 years? Forever?..."

Depends on where you look.  Below is information about MLC from Wiki.

"Midlife crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women."

[Anjae]

Rookie, I'm so sorry to hear your S5 is having problems at school because of your wife OM and the overall situation.

You only have one advantage from be, you're divorced, legal stuff is already sorted out.

What do you mean by moved on with your feelings for her? The gone pain I get. You no longer love her? Don't want her back? Just asking because I know the more time into this, the more our feelings change.

Right now I'm in the  "please court, just put a legal end to this marriage and make it quick". No anger towrds husband, no pain, just, ok, enough of this insane mess. There will be plenty of time to sort out what needs sorting out but I can do that divorced. Think now I'm then one who wants the clean break...

DGU, thanks. Just what I tought, up to 10 years. We have entered year 6, so, case it goes till the limit,  this is year 6 and 4 more to 10... Way too much time... Even one more year married and the same situation seems to me way too much time...

[Rookie13]

Anne, Yes time, I find it impossible to love this person anymore. I can forgive her someday and have for a lot of the damage that I personally have overcome both emotionally and financially. The kids thing is what I struggle with. I have held back a lot of my personal life to show the kids what a good role model does. D19 and S16 have given me their praise and the "green light" to date etc. I have proven to my children that I will not only not abandoned them but be there for them in all life's happenings.

Getting D19 into school was no easy task, she has flourished with my support and has a job and shares an apartment with friends now. Doing alot on her own yet we discuss a lot of her decisions and SHE calls me for advice.

S16 just got his license yesterday, is looking at schools ( he's a junior) and just got his first job and plays sports. I have been there the whole way with him.

S8 and S5 I do as much as possible and give them as much love as I can and still set controls on them when they are here.

Ex wife does nothing for the teenagers but FB them. She takes S16 out once a month for dinner or the mall.

Yes, I have fallen out of love with her and actually "have crushes on a few people I know. In other words, it would excite me to date these people. Much, much more stable. For now we will see.

[Anjae]

Time does strange things. It s a gift but it does not always brings what we expect. I have not fallen out of love with much husband, if anything I love him more. But it is a gentle love for an old friend that has fallen in disgrace. Not the love of a wife for a husband.

I've forgived him long ago.it was such a relief when I did that.

If I count well you have 5 children, right? Your oldest ones did well giving you their "green light" to date. You're a great stable dad, and we all need companionship.

I've dated a few men. Mainly in the years post-BD. So, nothing serious. Now I've past the crushes and I'm into something serious and stable. OK, I know, I had a stable marriage...But time to bring someone new for the future into my life.

[Rookie13]

Lol, stable is a funny word around here! I could go to Harlem and find someone more stable than my ex! Lol

4 kids actually. 19,16,8,5. She should have listened to me when I said ONLY 2! JK, wouldn't trade them for the world!

I actually think the Love that you speak of for your H is what our MLCer felt when the said the old ILYBNILWY!

I can't even find that anymore! We were at S5 horse riding lesson today and I swear I felt nothing for her, just wanted to hang with the kids. It did seem though that she wanted to talk and would stand a little close to me and that actually made me uncomfortable. I look at her and cannot see the person I used to know, it faded away. AND I tried to see it today, not there.

[Anjae]

Yes, stable is a funny word around here.  Would be easy to find a more stable person in a psychiatrich hospital than our spouses.

Ah! 4 kids.  4 is nice. 

Don't know, Rookie, my husband did the opposite of ILYBNILWY, it was I'm in love with you but I don't love you anymore. Maybe what I feel for my husband is what RCR has in her articles, Agape. Nothing wrong with it. It is love, real one. Just the romantic and physical sides are not there. Not for now, anyway. They may return or they may not. One never knows...

Don't see my husband in the person he is now. Don't know who that man is. Would not want to go out with him. But, one day, years from now, I may be up to a talk with an old friend, former husband. A talk that can only happen if/when he is out of the crisis and years have passed after its end.

That is pretty much how I see husband and I in a few years, old friends that have a nice, civil talk. Great for friendship, not so great for marriage.

You're 3 years on this, I'm on year 6. It is natural that you don't even feel that kind of love for your wife right now. In my experience it is something that comes latter, around year 4, 4.5.

[Rookie13]

6 years, God bless you! I may have kid number 5 by then! LOL!

Yeah, I could see her as a friend someday, I mean we do have 4 kids together. It's just the eyes are open again and that will probably get me in trouble but hey! after this crap what do i have to lose! Lol

[Anjae]

not 6 years, 5 years, year 6 started two weeks ago. I mean, year 6 since husband left. In reality I think it all begin in early 2006 but for a few months nothing looked much different.

Yep, by year 6 you may be having kid nº 5!

Of course one day you will see your wife as a friend. Like you've said, she is the mother of your children. And she may come out of the crisis much sooner than my husband.

Yes, after all this what is there to loose? 

[Rookie13]

Anne, do we all think it's strange that the MLCer can go years with out divorcing us? My ex waited over 2 years herself and carried on with "dude" #1. Divorced me 11/10 and was done with dude #1 2 months later??? Your H is on his 6th  year and 2nd OW but does not divorce you??? What the hell is OW thinking??

Think we need a DGU article about this!

I won't get into your personal life of having no children, and I'm sure the "pain" was there no matter but to me that is a cleaner break than having kids.

I also think if we meet different people and say "fall in love" again. I'm pretty sure we are not gonna be in much contact with our MLCer as we will not care at all anymore. My little ones will eventually be big and other than weddings and funerals. I see very little if any contact. We are not in MLC or clingers. Are new relationship will be real and thats a big difference. I think it would be a riot if my ex snapped out of it after I already "fell in love" and she was pining for me! That would be justice! LOL