[Ready2Transform]

Done!  And thank you for posting this.  It's very encouraging to see it at a major news hub, and to see the reference that there are some in the field that want this to be a recognized disorder!

[xyzcf]

I'm always happy to read other authors who have the same idea of mid life crisis. It reaffirms it to me that this is a real entity.

[Anjae]

Great to have this info on a mainsteam site with so much good info, rather than the rubish many times comes up in articles connected with MLC.

Very much liked the tone, and language of the article.  loved this "he first casualty is their sense of reason; the next is often their family." so true, their reason goes down the drain.

[Thundarr]

I liked the article that talked about the lasting memories even several years AFTER they had remarried.  It really does validate us in many ways.

[Anjae]

I liked the article that talked about the lasting memories even several years AFTER they had remarried.  It really does validate us in many ways.

I guess that is important to you, and most here. It does validate us but, for me, it is a bit: well, so what? They keep thinking about us? Would prefer they would not think about us and have not caused the mess they have.

But that is just me, the reluctant LBS, of course...

[justwatching]

I ran into this article and thought it was spot on.  The statistics posted "Statistics say that 80% of those who experience a turbulent transition during midlife will remain in the marriage and they themselves will make positive changes that strengthens the marriage. So, odds are in your favor but there is still the possibility you will end up in divorce court."  I thought the marriage retention percentage was extraordinarily high, but it could also include MLCers who take ownership of their turbulent transition and don't destroy the house. 

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/MidlifeCrisis/qt/Taking-Control-During-Your-Spouses-Midlife-Crisis-Part-I.htm

Personally, major transitions in my sitch with the wife accepting the job far away and the two kids will  both be away to college with the second graduating HS this year.  Everyone leaves in June.  It's been a long time, but at least I got the kids to adulthood, though their was some minor damage.  I hope it makes them both strong adults.  For me, there are a few recent down periods, but I have trained myself to get past them rather quickly.  My MLC spouse was rather introspective up until December, so I thought she might be coming close to what was referred as liminity(sp), by RCR's article, but then she went into full replay again, and I've even seen the monster a few times. 

My stance has changed as now I have reached a point where I really don't have any feelings for her and recall the good points of our marriage in shadows.  I guess this is the unfortunate side of detachment.  The lies and victim mentality remain and I was amazed with a conversation she had with one of my relatives.  She stated a number of things including she was paying for my older sons college.  I overheard and pointed out that it was from a joint account from what was really my account.  I only asked her to make the payment when I was working out of town for a couple of months.  I re-framed her points on a few issues and she turned into a nutcase in front of my relative.  It was as bad as the BD a little over four years ago.  What I thought was her getting better was merely her little tape recorder continuing to  re-create history, but she had learned to keep it quiet.  Her profession involves communication and she is a professional and extremely convincing.  I've seen her expertise do a lot of good, but I've now seen the damage it can cause. 

Good luck to all and I can say that time does heal and get you through the hurtful phase.

[Thundarr]

80% huh.  Nice to know I'm part of the Screwed 20%.

[OldPilot]

80% huh.  Nice to know I'm part of the Screwed 20%.

You are not alone.

I wonder if Cathy Meyer the author of this got RCR to write this

Some Refer to it as a Roller Coaster Ride:

But I guess it all just comes from DB

http://divorcesupport.about.com/bio/Cathy-Meyer-24136.htm

[Anjae]

For me, "turbulent transition during midlife" is just that, a transition that become turbulent. it is not a MLC. MLC needs the crisis extra factor. Maybe for the writer they are the same thing but for me they are not.

It also says that 80% of those who experience the turbulent transition remain in the marriage. But what does it mean? Did they reallye remained in the marriage for all the time? Was there OW/OM and they never divorce, ending up with the spouse? 

Is the % higher or lower for MLC than for turbulent MLT? I don't know.

But I know you have every chace of have your wife back, Thundarr. Unless, of course, you don't want her back when time comes.

[trusting]

For me, "turbulent transition during midlife" is just that, a transition that become turbulent. it is not a MLC. MLC needs the crisis extra factor. Maybe for the writer they are the same thing but for me they are not.

That was what I was thinking when I read it.  There is a difference between a "turbulent" MLT and a crisis.  The article didn't necessarily say (that I can recall) that the spouse moved out of the home, had an affair, etc. which would be a crisis rather than something milder. 

Thundarr, I don't think you have any less of a chance at reconciliation than the rest of us, even if the divorce went through, at least as far as your wife is concerned.