[Pixiegirl]

Interesting.

I told H on many occasion that he acted like a drug addict. Running from thing to thing looking for the emotional high so he could just feel something. And then on to the substance abuse(drinking and pot) to make him numb.  I have learned his patterns and they last around 3 months. Round and round he goes.

So in my thoughts I come up with this:  They cause all kinds of destruction to get their emotional high and when that wears off they feel guilty so they reach for something to make them numb. Depression sets in from the substance abuse and then they seek the emotional high again.

[osb]

Just the synapases? And what would the addict/MLCer synapses be passing if not the drug/high effect? Before they start taking drugs the addicts have synapses but the drugs seems to be what drives them nuts.
Or do you mean that addicts/MLCers synapses are different from non addicts/MLCers even before they start taking drugs/have MLC?

Sorry, I was abstruse. We all have the same starting set of neurotransmitters; certain drugs cause certain synapses to fire in parts of our brains. Especially in the affective parts of the brain, the amygdala and other places murky. And the faster those synapses fire, the less neurotransmitters they can build up again; the more and more drug required to get the original high (there are also receptor reasons for that, yeah pharmacology's complex  ) and finally the blank stare of the burned-out druggie, sans any neurotransmitters to rub together, lacking the motivation to even get up to pee.

My H always warned me he had "an addictive personality" - something he thought he'd inherited from his dad and grandfather (the bottle). All the evidence I could see was a complete inability to stop himself from eating his way through an entire box of cookies after opening the packet! (...seriously, I had to hide 'em)

Then came the obsessive mountain climbing. Extreme exercise does provide an endorphin high, comparable to drugs. Chasing the dragon, ruining his body and flogging his mind. Not much different from addicts I've seen. At the end of each cycle came a burn-out that scared me. This was my H's MLC. That's why this analogy comes to me. Maybe some people are mentally more susceptible to MLC, like they're more susceptible to the lure of the bottle (or the cookie jar  ).

[Pixiegirl]

OSB-
Your H sounds exactly like my H. Throughout all of this one of his obsessions he goes back to is the extreme exercise. EVERYTHING he does is to the extreme until he burns out.

[kikki]

Maybe some people are mentally more susceptible to MLC, like they're more susceptible to the lure of the bottle (or the cookie jar  ).

I do think so.  Probably from a combination of genetics and environmental factors growing up.
It's just so frustrating that this isn't an acknowledged 'thing', although Robert Sapolsky makes mention of it in one of his talks. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

can't remember if it's this one on depression, or more likely one of his more general talks on biology.

Wish someone would fund some research.

[Stillpraying]

https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-betrayal-the-number-one-obstacle-to-recovery?utm_source=Article+of+the+Week&utm_campaign=efce1b072e-aotw_09_11_2014&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_ba782628b7-efce1b072e-312831325

By Rick Reynolds:
What is the most vexing issue when recovering from a betrayal? It’s the ongoing emotional flooding resulting from the trauma of betrayal. Long after a couple commits to work on the marriage, the fire breathing trauma dragon continues to raise its ugly head and scorch the progress a couple makes. I call it a dragon because this type of trauma appears as if from nowhere only to ruthlessly attack you. This dragon of trauma is difficult to describe, so for those around you who don’t know this kind of pain, it can seem imaginary. For you though, it feels so big and so impossible to manage that recovery feels utterly hopeless. 

Several weeks ago I mentioned how Dopamine creates an intense need, similar to a drug addiction, which tells the brain you must have that pleasurable experience to survive. Those who are addicted and those who are traumatized are influenced by the same primitive part the brain, the amygdala.

The amygdala is in charge of our fight or flight mechanism; it functions much like the brain of a reptile. If you’ve ever owned a reptile you know they are incapable of relationship. They are about two things: need and feed. If an alligator isn’t hungry and feels no sense of danger, it’s safe to approach that reptile. If that alligator is hungry or senses danger, however, they will attack even someone who has been feeding it for years.

The amygdala stores memories and images and constantly watches for anything that may pose a threat. Unfortunately we don’t know what has been imprinted as a trigger for the fight or flight response. Let’s break down how your brain processes a potential threat using the example of seeing a snake on the ground. First, the amygdala, which is constantly on guard, triggers the sympathetic nervous system (the emotional accelerator) and in 1/200 of a second adrenaline is released, your heart rate jumps to over 100, and you leap out of harm’s way.

Next, the pre-frontal cortex analyzes the type of snake to determine whether it poses a risk. If it perceives no danger it triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which operates as the brakes on our emotional system. This alarm system is crucial for the survival of our species. What would happen if instead of immediately reacting we were to stand there trying to discern the type of snake and whether it poses a risk? We’d have two fang marks on our leg long before we could determine whether we should jump out of the way. At other times anger, which is a part of the fight response, is critical if we are to survive. Reacting and then determining the potential risk significantly increases our odds of survival in the wild, but it’s not always so helpful in day-to-day life.

Dynamic in nature, the amygdala is constantly adapting to its present environment. Circumstances where there is fear, pain, shame, guilt, disrespect, insults, physical danger, and/or injury are just a few of the life experiences that can be marked by the amygdala as something to watch for in order to survive. Generally our survival system tends to hum along just fine unless we experience trauma.

The amygdala, when triggered, stomps on our emotional accelerator causing us to react with either anger or by running away. The pre-frontal cortex evaluates the situation to determine if there is current danger, and if none exists it slams on our emotional brakes. This system is dependent on the pre-frontal cortex being able to make sense of what is happening so it can send the other parts of the brain the appropriate signals to calm you down.

Here’s where the severity of this process sets in: severe trauma overloads the pre-frontal cortex and effectively cuts the brake line to the parasympathetic nervous system, leaving us like a car with the accelerator stuck on the floorboard and no brakes. The severe trauma of infidelity more often than not produces this effect. Our amygdala, always on watch, will spot a reminder of the infidelity and trigger the sympathetic nervous system, setting off overwhelming emotional flooding. The trauma of the betrayal makes it impossible for that person to regain control in that moment. Without a plan to eventually shift focus and defuse these reminders, the future of the marriage and potential recovery is not only painful and overwhelming, it’s also uncertain.

Over the next few weeks we will explore the difficulties created by Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome. In my opinion this is the most significant obstacle for couples in recovery. It is at the root of emotional outbursts, hopelessness, avoidance, emotional and sexual constriction, hyper vigilance, depression, emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and all irrational conversations.

Knowledge is power. Understanding the realities of the trauma caused by infidelity, and what can be done to heal the trauma caused by infidelity, can equip you to move forward in recovery.

[Thunder]

Great article.  Thanks for posting it.

[Tired Of It All]

   This may be something I will have to have H read eventually.   It will help with the why can't you just let it go statement I know he will make. 
   I think I will print it out and saveit in a folder.  Thanks for posting it.

[Anjae]

Stillpraying, I've merged your thread with the article with this thread about Biochemistry, neurotransmitters and brain research. The article your posted talsk about the  amygdala and other neuro/brain issues and it will be a good add to this ongoing thread.

[forthetrees]

medicalnewstoday.com recently posted a research article linking sleep apnea with brain changes. Think about it- mid-life, weight gain, airway obstruction, sleep apnea---> MLC.

[Anjae]

Not necessarily, FTT. Some MLCers were quite young when they left/at BD. And some were quite slim.

Depression ---- > MLC is more likely. Of course many other factors could be at play, but the two number one seem to be depression and excessive levels of stress.