[MCSINME]

This is all so interesting Mortes, GIG, Searching and FIMG:

My H gets "monstery" and yells a bit but nothing like you are describing.
He is typically not "monstery" unless I hit a trigger or ask a question.

MCS

[What now]

MLer for me flips between them. He but tries different methods to get his own way. Its definitely manipulation in my case.

I prefer dealing with mean monster. Its predictable and you don't feel bad for standing your ground. With nice monster, you feel like you have to justify yourself and then start questioning yourself. Either way in my case, he's trying to get me to do something I've already said no to but it is hard not to fall sort when nice monster comes into play. I have to remind myself of my decision making. Hope that makes sense

[FamilyIsMyGoal]

Besides the weird physical characteristics that I have seen my H go through, I am now seeing a core value being broken.

  He now seems willing to go back on his word.  His word was his honor previous to all this.  Even putting aside the unfaithfulness (not that that should be put aside, but just for example's sake), the going back on his word regarding finances is something I never would have expected.  This was a core value for him.  Not needing contracts - that would be insulting- because his word was golden.  And it truly was!  But now I find that he's going back on his word with me.  The mother of his children.  I haven't done anything to provoke it.  He is now rationalizing stuff I never ever would have predicted two years ago.  This is a core value of his.  He seems to be truly breaking apart.

[FamilyIsMyGoal]

MB and GG, that is exactly the stuff I'm talking about.  Did other people witness this? Or is it just for LBS?

[AleB]

Oh I notice that! That shark eye! Empty, crazy look, like somebody is swiching him on and off from distance! Dr Jackyl and Mt Hide, flips in the sec!
I notice that for the long time I didn't see that shark look...
But also, a very interesting thing happend at the BD 2, some 4 years ago... Unfortunatelly I didn't know about MLC...
It happens just a few days after he admits, after I pushed really hard, that there is the OW! I immediatelly throw him out... 4 days latter we met for a drink, he told me a storry that happend evening before.... But he seemes that during LESS THAN 24 houss he grew old at least 20 years and lost 20 kilos! An old man shaking was standing in fron of me!
The story was: the evening before I went out with my friend and we were walking at the city center (our town has cca 1 milllion people) and he was walking with OW and some frienf for the first time in the open! He saw me some 50 meters from them.... I didn't notice him... He told me that he started to shaking... OW asked what is going on? He told her and he said that she knew the same moment that he will never going to leave me!
he grew old in less than 15 hours!!!
He recovered from that... But that was and still is hard to explain!

[Mortesbride]

MB and GG, that is exactly the stuff I'm talking about.  Did other people witness this? Or is it just for LBS?

Mine tends to only monster at me as far as I know. I haven't been monstered at since I learned to stop pushing for answers that ''I needed''. I am not scared of a healthy conflict of it resolves an issue...but I had to learn that when his switch flips...there is no resolving anything. So I learned to avoid 'triggering' him.

But in saying that...MIL is conflict avoidant as well..so if he gets ''in a mood'' they just ignore each other. I can't imagine him doing that to her, as I have never seen him do it...but when he was a teenager they went through some dark years together (suicide attempts, self harm, etc). And I don't know the facts now, but they both make little comments here and there that things aren't the best over there right now either.

In regards to other people..he keeps his mask well and truly in place. At work he was always seen as a funny, happy, family man who had it all. If he couldn't put on that face he calls in sick to work. (6 + times since BD almost 5 months ago). BUT he has said that he has smarted off or cursed at other people at his work lately..which is something he would NEVER have done before. So I estimate it will not be long before he starts getting pulled up at work for some of the things he is saying to people as it is so out of character.

[Mortesbride]

Oh I notice that! That shark eye! Empty, crazy look, like somebody is swiching him on and off from distance! Dr Jackyl and Mt Hide, flips in the sec!
I notice that for the long time I didn't see that shark look...
But also, a very interesting thing happend at the BD 2, some 4 years ago... Unfortunatelly I didn't know about MLC...
It happens just a few days after he admits, after I pushed really hard, that there is the OW! I immediatelly throw him out... 4 days latter we met for a drink, he told me a storry that happend evening before.... But he seemes that during LESS THAN 24 houss he grew old at least 20 years and lost 20 kilos! An old man shaking was standing in fron of me!
The story was: the evening before I went out with my friend and we were walking at the city center (our town has cca 1 milllion people) and he was walking with OW and some frienf for the first time in the open! He saw me some 50 meters from them.... I didn't notice him... He told me that he started to shaking... OW asked what is going on? He told her and he said that she knew the same moment that he will never going to leave me!
he grew old in less than 15 hours!!!
He recovered from that... But that was and still is hard to explain!

It is funny you saying that. Mine sometimes shows up and I remember one of the first times he had only been gone a few weeks and he looked 10 years older. This man who has always looked young for his age...his face was tired and gaunt, you could see the wrinkles next to his eyes, he just looked so...dull and worn out. It was the weirdest feeling in the world.

Knowing every single freckle and wrinkle and inch of his body, and then he shows up and looks like he has aged a decade. It was so surreal.

[MCSINME]

Bride:

My H has been acting so differently and started hanging around with his younger partners (30's to early 40's) instead of age-appropriate.  He has been using foul language and his ow is a nurse where he works.  I know there is some crude language and lots of drinking when with the younger guys, so I wonder how his attitude at work will affect him.  He was called in once for language (I think), but since he's at the top of the ladder I imagine it will all get swept under the rug since he is almost irreplaceable.

He used to be the friendly, funny, charismatic guy who everyone loved and wanted to work with.  I wonder if that will change.

[AleB]

MB,
it is surreal, isn't it? He looks older now, depressed, tired...
But at that time he INSTANTLY looked older 15-20 years during ... Overnight!!!
Old skinny man....  He actually went to a bussines trip for a week and asked if he cna came home?
Unfortunatelly I found this site years after that....
But better latter than never!

[FamilyIsMyGoal]

And don't try to "kitchen table" a divorce with monster no matter how much they push for it!  Jeez. Monster convinced me to try it to save legal fees.  I made a couple of comments that were not even statements, but points up for discussion ( the relative value of some real estate and that we don't really know the value and maybe it should be appraised) and holy crap. MONSTER called me selfish, threatened to get nasty and "torch everything". 

I guess like teenagers, MLCers become so difficult that you actually are relieved when they move out.