[Dagolark]

That is a great question. I've been wondering too if OW is getting the lovely man I knew all these years while I had the dubious privilege of getting the scummy cheater and liar!

[lawprofessor]

Hi ladies!

I remember just that question floating in my head soon after BD Dagolark.  I remember once saying to my Genius, "Great I got the no fun nasty jerk who all he ever wanted to do was work and you are giving the little girl the best part of you, having fun with her, exploring and partying."  He was shocked.  He said to me, "What the H*LL makes you think that is a good part of me?"

As to OW seeing the cycling-in my case YES!  He gives her a bunch of the oh poor me, pity me, I'm just a poor brilliant doctor who the world abuses regularly, and I am the modern day John Lennon.  She gets to see his anger too but then breaks down in crying and if bad enough goes home to her mom and dad or threatens suicide.  Spin away darling Genius. 

[Stillpraying]

In my sitch he couldn't hold the mask on past the infatuation high.  I met OW1 and it sounded like she received the same treatment as I did even to the point of him cheating on her with OW2.  He also started the relationship by feeding her lies about his marital status.  (He lied to me about that when I met him and I found out the truth after he had left me)

They had many arguments and he also took her fears / weaknesses and taunted her with it such as folding a belt in half and making a loud slapping noise with it which she told him upset her as she was beaten by her father as a kid.  Did he stop?  No...just kept doing it to her.  Much the same as with me.

He ended up shoving her up against the wall in anger and he also shoved me near the end.  So even though he took her away for the weekend to the same town we went to just before he left and also bought her a more expensive bouquet of flowers than he ever did for me, when when the kids were born, she did get the same negative treatment.

I have no idea what he dishes out to OW2 but I feel they don't see each other as much and therefor the relationship just crawls along and doesn't burn out.  At least the kids don't have to see her much which is really all I care about now.

Hugs,
SP

[barbiedoll]

I have directly asked my husband that question How did you treat "her" whbile I was getting all your crap, lies, complaints and anger? Did you treat her like your "special new queen"? . In hindsight, he has no clue why she tolerated some of his behaviour. He took her away for the weekend.. to a job site and she sat in a  hotel room alone both days while he worked. That was thier 1st " love date". NEVER would i accept that. He was away alot and she would text " I miss you , can you come over" ( puek puek) He always told her no because he was working 2 hours away. He saw her when it was convenient for HIM. My husband told her 3 different times that " he needed to go home and fix his life and his marriage" . She just blocked that out I guess .. she continued to be at his beck and call. She told him she loved him several times and wanted to tell everyone they were a "couple". She was desperate .. no doubt. This is a women seperated from her own husband for 3 months after assaulting him and being convicted. NUT CASE. Shocking.. he was a NUTCASE too. When he told her he was done with her and was going to try to fix his marriage... she got all snotty and hung up on him crying. I will never understand. Likely he whisperred sweet nothings .. nothing he would tell me i am sure.

[Thunder]

I'm sorry to disagree but I don't think the OP sees the MLCer's true self for quite awhile.

They are usually fed lies and distortions.  They are shown a decent man/woman who had a bad, horrible marriage and they believe and think they can save them...make them happy.

Most of the time they are victims too.  Not all but some of them.

[Anjae]

Since the person in MLC is in MLC behaviour the OW/OM see the MLC behaviour. What they may do is atribute that behaviour to the things the MLCer tells them about their life. Like how horrible the marriage was, blah, blah, blah.

Both Mr J OW1 and OW2 had to deal with a totally drunk MLCer. He did not drink before MLC. They also had to deal with the crying man. However I doubt any of them had a clue why he was behaving that way.

[blackice]

oh i know she sees it. she just thinks it's him being bipolar. so she calls him crazy. she also blames his drinking too. she blames it on everything and blames him. then she blames me. they are both insane.

[Strive to survive]

Hi. Really good point you make- I knew the ow 25 years ago when she was going through her first divorce ( now she has had three) - our son was six months old when she asked my husband for lifts to and from work - a eight week affair followed although both denied at time ( me like a fool believed them) my husband is going through mlc ( started a year ago) after contact on Facebook they started affair again four months ago - now he has moved in with her - but texts me he still loves me etc. when home to see boys he is an emotional mess and I have wondered how much she sees of all this or do I get bad and she get good ?

[Learning strength]

My h - pre MLC was a very laid back person, kinda quiet and just goes with the flow! Now he monsters toward my kids since they r not accepting his new life and gf...  at court when my attrny presented all this evidence about his treatment...the gf says....I can't believe any of this- he is so easy going!
So I don't think OP sees it in the beginning- especially when they still have their spouses and families in the picture - we r still the target

[SSG]

I know my H lied to OW before BD...reading all their FB messages. In the communication, they were both on different wave links.

I know they are having issues now he is living with her...but he is still there. Has become a total loser, not working, not paying any bills, lost his friends...so she is picking it all up, just to keep him. 

What a romance made in heaven!  In fact, she wrote that pre-BD.  Their meeting was a "match made in Heaven"  (Puke emoticon please)  Bet she doesn't think that now...but they are still together. 

So in my sitch, she is not getting the wonderful man I fell in love with and married.