[Still]

As an un-named moderator can attest to.

Nice, OP.   

I have had BD twice during withdrawal. The third and fourth times don't hurt as much as the 1st and 2nd.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Well, another small step. On Valentine's Day,  she brought me Starbucks. Now, I was talking to her and she said about going to work later. I told her that maybe just she and I could go out for coffee or ice cream after she finished work. She said sure. Normally, she would shake her head and say no.

Who knows, where this is going. Now that she has said yes to the date, I don't have a clue what to do. Maybe I would have been better off if she had said no. HELP ME!!!!

[OldPilot]

As an un-named moderator can attest to.

Nice, OP.   

I have had BD twice during withdrawal. The third and fourth times don't hurt as much as the 1st and 2nd.

I forgot about you STILL, you are correct but it was not you that I was referring too.

[Still]

I told her that maybe just she and I could go out for coffee or ice cream after she finished work. She said sure. Normally, she would shake her head and say no.

How nice, Ready. Baby steps, baby steps......feed the squirrel ...don't scare it. 

[watching and waiting]

Just wondered if anyone can say how you tell the difference between withdrawal during replay, and the true stage of Withdrawal?

HUGS

[Still]

W&W,

I can only say what I have seen in my situation. My H had about 18 months of Replay. During that time, he would have periods where he would be less talkative and distant. It seemed to bounce back and forth....

Now, he is in a constant state of distance. He rarely speaks and if he does, it is only absolutely necessary communication. There are no periods of joking or laughter that would occur during Replay. He is completely serious....even with the children most of the time. He does have times when he seems to pull out briefly for them, but it lasts only minutes. He can't handle any conflict whatsoever. He leaves the room if the children argue or have the least conflict. He avoids any thing that may be confrontational and he spends long periods of time alone.

[HeartsBlessing]

Now, he is in a constant state of distance. He rarely speaks and if he does, it is only absolutely necessary communication. There are no periods of joking or laughter that would occur during Replay. He is completely serious....even with the children most of the time. He does have times when he seems to pull out briefly for them, but it lasts only minutes. He can't handle any conflict whatsoever. He leaves the room if the children argue or have the least conflict. He avoids any thing that may be confrontational and he spends long periods of time alone.

What Still is describing is a good description of the true stage of Withdrawal.

When the MLC'er is withdrawing to process at times; that kind of withdrawal doesn't last long at all, before they come out to continue their antics.

In the actual stage of Withdrawal; there IS a great distance, and a LONG silence....I'd seen my husband do this TWICE...the first time was short time, as he came across to try and face his final fears; attempting to come out too quickly; he got spooked and ran backwards into the true stage of Withdrawal for a second time.

This prompted the Lord to instruct me to confront him; and push him into a tantrum; this was because he was cycling within; and trying to NOT face his issues, fears, his behavior toward me, and the destruction he had caused; he was stuck; and needed a push forward......after that three day fight; I saw him go into very deep Withdrawal that lasted for a time....like Still's husband, he was unable to deal with conflict; and stayed clear of it as much as possible. 

He was also a nervous wreck, shaking like a leaf, and was afraid of the dark; I remember many times coming home at night; and the light in the bathroom, PLUS the TV would be on..and he would still be awake.

He would not allow me to turn the TV and light off, until I was ready to go to bed with him..and though I sensed his fear, he never said what he was afraid of in the dark.

It never occurred to me to ask him what was in the dark that he feared so much...I don't think he would have told me...but I'd remembered seeing this child like fear of the dark.

He did interact with me some; but it was only when he needed something, and we still slept together..but the distance was wide and impassable for awhile...and she's also right, there were no laughs, no jokes, nothing in the way of even feelings...all was locked up inside of himself, as he tried to sort himself out.

When he broke, he broke all of a sudden; I'd been expecting it, but it caught me by surprise...and nearly everything flooded out at that time....the flood reminded me of a dam breaking from the inside out.

This, was the ending of the true stage of Withdrawal...and he made his way into Acceptance not long afterward.

[unbroken]

I really believe this is where my H is. 

[watching and waiting]

In the actual stage of Withdrawal; there IS a great distance, and a LONG silence....

Would you say this is just with the LBS or with everybody???

Thankyou Still and HB that was really helpful.

My H has been in a withdrawal of some sort now for 3 weeks.  NC whatsoever with me.  Obviously the spewing has stopped and peace has resumed (for a time).  He is still trying to make contact at times with S and D, however this is short and as you said serious.  No joking.  Contact with my family seems to have been slightly more distanced, however is still there.

I am remaining NC and detached, as usual.
This withdrawal does seem a little different than the ones in the past as usually I get to hear about the replay antics and goings on, whereas this time I hear nothing about what he is doing, only that he remains depressed and has no money.

Thanks for your help.
HUGS
xx

[justasking]

W&W

While OW remains your H is still in replay and these are the quiet periods we see when they retreat to think and reflect. But this is movement you just don't see it and it often seems like they are standing still.

Your H has a lot to think about 

xx