[good4me]

Mercury
Thanks for the concern. Whenever I take Xanax it makes me sleep so I don't take it during the day . Also the Dr said it's highly addictive so he doesn't want me to use it daily just when I feel really out of control . I slept really well last night -took a xanax at 11 and slept till 1030 am. Not good since I am looking for a job and need to be fully alert and functioning. Yet  I do need to be healthy mentally and physically for interviews 
Trying to stay focused on just this exact moment nothing -before or after- hoping that it will become natural and not such a challenge as it is today. Praying seems to help so I am doing that throughout the day and expecially at night when all hell breaks loose in my mind . Sometimes my thoughts can just bring me to my knees in a heap sobbing uncontrollably still even thought it has been 3 months since H left. I never thought it would go on this long boy was I in denial. I am sure I have a long road ahead of me especially with H not being in contact .Seems to have fallen in to new life with new friends and drinking away his time. Sad to think H is falling into such a state of pain that he is running himself in a drunk stupor with people that dont give a damn about him.

[xyzcf]

G4U, I'm very sensitive to meds...I take Clonezapam when I am anxious but I only take 1/2 a pill..a very low dose seems to work fine for me.

If Xanax is making you that sleepy...try cutting them in half and see if you get the relief that you need without the side effects.

3 months isn;t very long, although it certainly feels long. Keep praying..sometimes when I get totally out of control, God reaches down and gives me His comfort..and then I'll be fine again for a while.
Peace to you

[good4me]

Just checking in on the LBS with vanishers..Tomorrow is four months since H moved out. Nothing has changed from where I sit. Still no contact since last text he sent me on April 14...hope you are doing great.....yeah right ..I am just wonderful.
Have been moving forward slowly and working on me. Detaching has become easier with each day but then again sometimes I crash and burn..Have made great friends here so when I do crash I always have someone who will listen. Thanks to everyone for all the love and support. Somedays its just so hard not to call or text him..would love to see him its been too long...miss his smile

[justkeepmoving]

G4Y,
  I know it's very difficult not to contact your H.  I'm right there with you.  It's been almost 9 months since my H left and I might see or hear from him once or twice a month.  I have become to believe that is God's way to remind me that I'm standing.   Sad to say that I'm glad my H's life has turned to sh*t (no job, no money, living with friends, lost his relationship with his Ds).  As for me I'm doin' really well.  I miss him like the d!ckens but I can only love him from afar.   I pray for him and wait for the Lord's will in my life.  Take care my friend !!

[good4me]

JKM

Didn't contact him yesterday. Stood strong and kept busy. I don't hear anything about H because he doesn't have contact with anyone that keeps in touch with me-he's busy with his new friends. Back in April the dental asst said he looked good and was friendly . He's normally quiet and doesn't talk much but who knows anymore. This person is not the man I married.
Waiting for the new and improved version to come out    But I still want that great sense of humor and beautiful smile. He was always so tender and loving...hope that remains but more intense. Oh well time to stop daydreaming ...Keep pushing onward whilst wishing for some glimmer of love and hope from H.
Have a good day..can't believe it's the middle of May already

[forthetrees]

Today marks my one month and a day of NC and I plan to make it a long streak. Every time I have a hankering to email and ask a question- usually a why question- I remind myself that the answer will be a lie or a personal attack and like a dark cloud, it passes by me.

You have much greater restraint than I did at the start- it has taken me a major medical crisis and a lot of time to reach this point. It "helps" that the docs think that a vaccine that I had to have due to h´s stray biting pooch is the cause of my problem. I am not feeling warm and fuzzy towards him at all. What helps A LOT is my dad´s mantra, "If you don´t have anything nice to say, don´t say anything at all." It keeps me mute with regards to h, though he probably deserves some truth spears (yes, spears, not darts) as he hasn´t made the connection between the dog bite and my now life long MS diagnosis. Maybe it´s due to the govt. requirement that is switching from incandescent lighting- h´s bulb just can´t turn on.

[CrazyStuff]

LIW, I don't have a vanisher so I can't help here; however, it does seem to me from reading other stories as well as the articles that it is common for MLCers to 'disappear' for months even if they start out with regular contact.    I was non contact with my husband for 3 months and Stayed pointed out to me that in the greater scheme of MLC this was not a lot of time although it certainly felt like it.   Five months probably isn't either although I know it feels like it for sure.   

If there is a way of you letting him know that you are 'there' without it being overt and it makes you feel a bit better then o.k. - was it RCR who stuck sticky hearts on the underside of her husband's car wheel - however, I think you need to give him this time that he has asked for.     For whatever reason this is what he needs now.    He knows you are there for him - as you always have been so I would not worry about this.   

I know you have been dealing with this a long time and this is out of character with how he behaved previously, but maybe in a strange way this is what needs to happen for him to progress.   I guess what I am saying is that despite this being very hard I do not think you are making a mistake by not contacting him.    At some point he will either contact you or if there is a natural opening for you to contact him without it being about the two of you (maybe house, finances, something) then you will know it is the right time.   

I notice you provide great advice to others on here as you have so much experience and I always look out for it.   Sorry I can't provide any more 'real' help to you except my views based on what I have learnt over the past year myself. 

Keep strong.   It will be o.k.


CrazyStuff

[poussin]

Hi

My H is now also a vanisher, (BD 26 months ago) he only contacts our S once per week. I have not spoken to my H since 8 months, H saw our S13 for the last time more than 2 months ago.
Up till now I've only sent him e-mails about financial issues. But he answers rarely and NEVER resolves the financial issues, like child support, and since about 6 months he refuses to contact me.
Only yesterday I decided to send him newsie e-mails, things I think he should know (and advice from Stayed) no financial talk.  So no more pressuring. I've sent my first e-mail this morning.
I expect nothing, but hope this will bring us back to communicating with each other.

Have a happy day.
Poussin

[OldPilot]

Here is a thread that may help.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=762.0

Journey's husband is a vanisher.

Also RCR's article on contact types

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_contact-types.html

I thought we had a thread on this already but so far I can not find it.

I will keep looking.

[good4me]

Hi

My H is a vanisher also. Some have said them vanishing makes it easier for us to detach. I guess that is true in a way but it is very hard to not to be discouraged with NC . We wonder if they have completely forgotten about us and moved on. I have read SL's postings about her experience an was comforted by the words she spoke there. Take time to read her posts that will be helpful for you as well. No they haven't forgotten us it just seems that way. I read that they vanish to keep from hurting us more . I find that hard to believe but we all have experienced instances when we avoided a problem to inflict further damage so maybe it is similar. I just don't know for sure. I am still finding my way along this path. BD was 12/31/2010-H moved out 01/17/2011. I have only seen H twice the last time being 02/23/2011 for about 10 mins in an IHOP parking lot to sign tax papers. Last phone conversation was 03/09/2011 argued about tax money he kept for himself. I did get a text 04/13/2011 about a business issue and he stated "I hope you are doing great"  
My best advice is to let him go and truly focus on yourself and children-if you have any. If he contacts you respond but don't talk about your marriage or relationship in any way. Be upbeat and cheerful-yes this is hard because when you hear his voice it shocks and bring the tears and emotions -at least it did to me. Took me a moment to get myself together   Don't look for him or ask his friends about what his is doing or who he is with. First this only causes you pain and second it is pursuing and we all know that doesn't work with MLC ers. If you ever need to vent or just talk please feel free to pm me or post.