[leftylulu]

Mine vanished 19 months ago and I remain by his side whether he knows it or not. So many things have changed and happened since he's been gone. I still find this a blessing as I have been able to figure out my own world one of which I have figured out I can really love somebody including myself. I have discovered so many great qualities about myself that even the other day I commented that someday I will make someone a great wife but it took MLC to make me realize what a wonderful person I am deep down inside.

Life has become simpler for me. I still have days of frustration but those are far and few in between. I am enjoying being single not that I want to be forever but for now it's good. I still have hope he will return and the love in my heart has not diminished for him so I will continue on my own journey. Who knows what's going to happen but the best thing is I no longer worry about it. I have a good life.

[growing every day]

Thanks GP
That's a good perspective on it, that the contact, even very limited, simply fuels the fire and pushes them into negative action. Still can't help wondering if there are similarities in personality type that makes some MLCers more likely to vanish. Certainly I know mine avoided confrontation, and still is, he never talked about his feelings and was very secretive. I suppose if I'm being honest he is not a strong person. Does that ring any bells for anyone??

Bells loud enough to be heard all the way over in Luxembourg! Seriously. This is my H to a T. My H avoided all confrontation by just saying nothing. Feelings....... the only ones I got in the latter years were negative or selfish. Secretive, well I found out about at least 4 email accounts he had and 2 FB pages. My H also had to be right all the time. No matter what it was he was right If someone said something and you knew what they meant....he would correct them just to show he was smarter. Drove me nuts.

Geeze after reading this, I'm wondering what there was. I am the total opposite.....


On a lighter note.. have you ever noticed when you do spell check for MLCer it comes up with Ulcer?? I find that oddly amusing.

[Anjae]

Well, not sure if personality makes someone more prone to be a vanisher. My husband was not a conflict avoider nor secretive. He was not even a vanisher for the first 22 months.

ged, very funny that of for spell check MLCer comes up with Ulcer 

[Standing in Patience]

Definitely interesting...mcler to ulcer. I am going to change ulcer into lurker (us until we jump into the forum ourselves). Change lurker into murky (the environment we all find ourselves in). Change murky into lucky (someday h I hope you can see the lantern I am holding up for you at the end of the tunnel). And finally lucky into plucky - that's who Standing in Patience is!

[Searching]

Has anyone's  mlcer changed from a vanisher into a Boomerang etc.?

[limitless]

Searching,
You may want to read Storm Riders thread.
She has been at this for 2 1/2 years or so.

I think she states that the furthest her H was from her - was at about 18 months - and, since then, he has come around more and more to see the kids.....He is still very much involved with OW. 

Just search Storm Rider on the Members tab......and read her posts.  She hasn't posted to often recently - so you should be able to find the posts that I am speaking of rather easily.

Limitless

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/story-threads-2010/paving-the-way/msg2477/#msg2477

Here is her first thread, I am not sure that you have viewing capability of members.

[growing every day]

I wanted to reach out to my fellow Vanisher survivors. I'm really feeling it today. I know it's the holidays and my knee is hurting, and my defenses are down due to lack of sleep. But my question is... for those of us that have Vanishers, have things changed for you since this thread started? I really want to know that there is some hope out there. Nothing in my situation has changed, still long gone, no contact unless it is about the dogs, and even his family has seemed to vanish from my life. I sent a happy Thanksgiving email to MIL and FIL, and all his brothers and sisters. None of them replied. Not shocked, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. How they can all just vanish?? They don't even contact my kids, H included. It boggles the mind!

[Anjae]

No, no change. I mean, there was a change. I still daily check a couple of joint project email accounts that we have. Yesterday all was fine. Today it ask me for the password. I did not changed it. So, husband did. Why? No idea. I never told him I still check the accounts (he never told me if he does, or does not do that, I never asked). Still, why change it?... And why now?...

My feeling regarding the changed email accounts password was "whatever". Not even gonna ask if he changed it or why, Can't be bothered.

Will send SIL, as always, a merry Christmas/Happy New Year email card. She has always replyed. She still puts likes in some things I put on my FB (she was the one who come to ask to be my friend). Never talked with her about all this. Really have no interest in having such a conversation.

Fell a million miles and years detached and away from husband. He is just a vague memory, someone from the past...to whom, sadly, I'm still legaly attached.

[growing every day]

In the beginning one of my SIL's would stay in contact and when I had a FB page, she would comment a lot and send nice messages. But something happened a few months ago. She just stopped responding. This was after she told me I was an amazing woman for standing for my marriage.

I've never had the closest relationship with my in laws, but in all actuality neither did my H. When he left me he left "his family" My dad loved him like his own son, and H was very close to him. They did all kinds of things together. Since his family lives in different states he didn't see them much. My family was his family.

It's all mind boggling!

[Anjae]

My family was also my husband's family. My cousins were his cousins, my uncles and aunts his. He has some of his won but was never close to them. I never even saw the cousins. Ever. He knew everyone in my family, down to greadaunts/uncles.

My SIL still does what she used to do on my FB. I'm the one who hardly ever make a like in anything she posts.

Since he left husband missed all the kids in the family. Never knew them, only saw our nephew when the boy was a baby. The boy is now 6.

Really, can't see much coming out of this, but, divorce (when, no idea, he drags and drags...) and no more.

Any remaining connection is broken. Nothing left. Just emptyness.