[limitless]

I beleive that replay may end sooner for these types however the other stages may last longer and be more volatile.
They still must face their issues and although they are not trying to run away for as long, trying to reconnect can be very difficult.

Thats my .02

OP,

Just a quick question.
Why do you think that reconnecting is very difficult or harder for low energy MLC?

L

Not sure I know the reason, although I will think about it, more the observation of cases I have seen.
Low energy MLC'ers tend to not have an OM/OW and I agree with what STILL wrote, lots of depression.
Mostly OVERT depression although during replay it might be covert depression.

I think because there is no OM/OW might be why replay ends faster, just a guess.
But that doesn't mean that all is OK.

If I think of something else I will come back and post it.

This makes a lot of sense to me.  In my H, from BD (and before?) I've seen lots of depression.  His fantasy life is living with his parents and running away each weekend to his family's cabin.  Not much else that I can see.  When I see him (not often) he looks depressed and very uncomfortable.  Lots of crying and guilt/shame - when I look in his eyes.  Early on, he admitted that the problem was HIM - but seems unable to actually do anything about it.

L

[Still]

Lots of crying and guilt/shame - when I look in his eyes.  Early on, he admitted that the problem was HIM - but seems unable to actually do anything about it.

L,

I saw the look of shame, too. My H also admitted it was "his" issue in the early crisis....though since he has found ways to blame me.

My H had only one breakdown during all this time. Whenever he seems to get weepy, he has this way of immediately turning it into anger. I am sure because he can control that emotion much easier.

[Faith]

Lots of crying and guilt/shame - when I look in his eyes.  Early on, he admitted that the problem was HIM - but seems unable to actually do anything about it.

L,

I saw the look of shame, too. My H also admitted it was "his" issue in the early crisis....though since he has found ways to blame me.

My H had only one breakdown during all this time. Whenever he seems to get weepy, he has this way of immediately turning it into anger. I am sure because he can control that emotion much easier.

Mine too has had a couple episodes of sadness (not shame though) and telling me that he'll "never be happy again, whether he stays or goes".  I have learned to just respond with "it's sad that you feel that way" instead of saying what I REALLY want to say, but then he also quickly turns it into a self-pity fest and blames me.  Their self talk amazes me.  Recently my H said in a text that he isn't happy.  I responded with "I know, and I also know I can't change that."  He then said that he is actually happy about 95% of the time, and is only unhappy when "junk happens".  That one wasn't even worth responding to.  Insanity.

[Purple stain]

Same here. Replay was really short, not much anger, rather re-directed anger at me, silence, running away, going out with friends during replay. Depression however has been going on for a very long time. He knew it was him shortly after replay and he didn't blame me.

Now he's in hiding. I have only seen him twice in almost three months and he also pulled back from friends. Still and has always been secretive not one to share much. There must be a lot of hurt from the past

from what I know what he told me, his feelings keep "swinging". One day he feels this way another day the opposite...I've stopped analyzing it. I live him with all my heart but he's on his own till he has himself figured out...

[Still]

I love him with all my heart but he's on his own till he has himself figured out...

I can completely relate to that, Purple.

[OldPilot]

Hey this is pretty interesting and really does kind of validate my theory.

Nice to have everyone post what their low energy MLC'ers do.

Just because I have a theory doesn't make it right.......

[limitless]

Faith,
Your post really hit me.  The comment about being happy 95% of the time - unless Junk Happens.
That is another thing I have been thinking about.
My H almost seems like an innocent bystander in his own life.  I think back to things we talked about over the years.  My H was married once before - when he was 20 years old.  The marriage lasted less than 2 years.  I believe his wife left him.  (At least that's what HE says).  When he spoke of the marriage and the break-up - it was like it just happened to him.  Like he had very little say in the matter.  A thing that "just happened to him."
It seems like throughout our lives - junk would happen to him.  Like he had very little control over his own life.
On BD - he spoke about his first marriage.  How happy he and his first wife had been and how things would have been different if he would have, I don't know, actually done something - took some action in that marriage.  Of course, this was the last thing I wanted to hear about - when he is telling me that he no longer loves me!  This marrage was more than 36 years ago???
I guess that's all part of this.  My H never felt he had choice in his own life.  It's so funny.  The only person keeping him from having choices is himself and he doesn't even see it.

L

[Mermaid]

He has told me for over 2 years that he is leaving, but hasn't packed a pair of socks.
On the other hand, he is almost manic about his work. He is an overachiever and during replay was a major workaholic. He went for over a year on 3-4 hours of sleep at night. He still puts a great deal of energy towards work, but that is about all he has to give. He goes in spurts where he physically trains a lot, then that fizzles for a period of time.

Sounds exactly like my H. Mine isn't a bystander in life, like laursecan's. He's analytical and proactive, except where his intimate Rs are concerned. I've told him to go a couple of times, but he comes back. He's not depressed anymore, but still confused.

He's comfortable at home, and so doesn't want to go. But he won't commit to staying.

[StandandDeliver]

Sorry to hijack - this thread is interesting but I am having trouble finding any information or articles about defining low energy and high energy mlcers - i would like to get a sense of where to place mine... any links appreciated!

[Mermaid]

An old thread by RCR:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=65.msg12955#msg12955