Remember that when the LBSer makes a push or shove they often do not get the desired results that they are seeking.
There are certain times for pushing; and other times for leaving them alone.....push too soon, they will run away...this is how fragile they are at certain points of the crisis; especially within the first three stages.
It is best to leave them alone for awhile...you will KNOW when the time is right to try to push them; although you may shoot them with truth darts from time to time..this is another time you will KNOW when to push them.
Basically; they will have had to completely come through the first THREE stages; if not also the fourth..this is when they are stronger; more able to take being pushed somewhat...because the damage done will be partially revealed in the fourth...although, when they "awaken" during the latter part of Replay and they determine they must do something or lose all...they are still not "open" to being pushed at that point in time.
You still won't know until they vocalize it whether they will want to stay married or not..and this is beyond your control. If you pay attention, their very actions will show you a great deal; as not every MLC'er really wants to leave, but they need to be left alone to process themselves; coming through on their own.
This is the hardest part of the drill to try and outlast their crisis.
My intuition guided me; but confrontation didn't come until he had bounced backward into Withdrawal; and was stuck within the tunnel.
Now, you do need to set boundaries against bad behavior and can do so at any time within the crisis; no one should EVER be allowed to curse you or call you names, or insult you; this is very disrespectful....and when you set the boundary don't take their threats to heart; simply let them go to do what they THINK they need to do; and don't let fear get in your way.
You can't control what they do; but you can control yourself; and what you will and won't tolerate in the way of behavior.
Not everything they say requires an answer; and most of the time they are fishing for a reaction..don't take the bait and don't take any of it personally; the MLC fog is speaking from their confused minds.
There are consequences set for boundaries; and set these in such a way that won't make a major life change.
For example, I made it quite clear that I would not stay in the same room with him; if he started speaking disrespectfully to me...and I left the room each time he started up. Sometimes, he'd follow me, sometimes not...there was one day; when we ended up in every room of the house; except our son's room...and I simply started over; making it clear once again that I would NOT tolerate being spoken to in disrespectful way.
He pushed ME and hard; trying everything he knew to get me to throw him out...I knew the game he was playing.
But, I didn't throw him out...and that would have been a major life change if I had; he would have not returned....pride was a problem with him; and throwing him out would have been a major blow there....but he pushed me and tried to get me to throw him out, because he was TOO weak to do it, himself....but I never would....I just kept leaving the room.
I stayed calm, when I wanted to scream my head off, instead...but he never saw me sweat; and he stopped seeing me cry for a very long time.
It was hard; but strength came from a well that I never knew existed; and I worked with that strength for a good while.
It really sounds like I was a 'glutton for punishment' but I don't see it that way; I learned things WITHIN my marriage; that I would never have learned; had I given in and throw him out.
I learned to DEAL more effectively with hateful, disrespectful people, and he was the epitome of every one of these types of people; that I used to get so upset with before I learned to deal within the crisis.
I learned to be strong; and I learned to hang on tightly to myself...it is all too easy to lose yourself even more within this process....but I also learned, as time went on, that I had great value; and I would retain that value; and gain even more as the crisis went on.
And I also knew he would come to KNOW this value as the crisis wound down....as he remembered what he'd done toward me; and the fact that I had stayed strong with him; when I could have just as easily tossed him out the door.
I really did want to stay married; even though I was pushed to my limits; and even, at the beginning; decided at one point that I was leaving...but God kept after me; and I'm very glad He did.
There were many things that had to come to pass before it all ended; but I learned so much from each thing that came across my path.
Author
Topic: 
Low Energy MLCers