[StillStanding]

I like that, and I've been seeing it around on Facebook and other places, too.

[StillStanding]

Part 3:
http://is.gd/gyqRC1

5 "Aha" Marriage Tips You Need to Know: Part 3
#3 - I cannot change others, but I can influence others.

It's true, you cannot change your spouse, but you can and do influence your spouse every day. If you are still trying to change your spouse, then you are probably a master manipulator. You reason, "If I do this, then my spouse will do that." "If I can make him miserable enough, or happy enough, then I'll get what I want." I hate to discourage you, but you're on a dead end road. Even if he changes, he will resent you for manipulating him. 

A better approach is to be a positive influence on your spouse. You influence by your words and actions. If you look for something your spouse is doing that you like and give him verbal compliments, you are having a positive influence on him. If you do something for him that you know he will like, your actions influence him in a wholesome way. Your model begins to rub off on him. The reality of the power of positive influence holds tremendous potential for troubled marriages.

[StillStanding]

Part 4:
http://is.gd/hmtqK3

5 "Aha" Marriage Tips You Need to Know: Part 4
#4 - My actions need not be controlled by my emotions

For the past thirty years in Western Society we have given undue emphasis to emotions. When applied to a troubled marriage, this philosophy advises, "If you don't have love feelings, admit it and get out of the marriage." "If you feel hurt and angry, you would be hypocritical to say or do something kind to your spouse." This philosophy fails to reckon with the reality that man is more than his emotions. 

We have feelings, yes, but we also have attitudes, values, and actions. If we jump from emotions to actions and ignore attitudes and values, we will destroy our marriages. Stop, think, look for the positive, affirm it, and then, do something that has positive potential. Actions that are guided by values and positive attitudes are more likely to be productive.

[StillStanding]

Part 5:
http://is.gd/o2mdiN

5 "Aha" Marriage Tips You Need to Know: Part 5
#5 - Admitting my own imperfections does not mean that I am a failure.

Most troubled marriages include a stone wall between husband and wife, built over the years. Each stone represents an event in the past where one of them has failed the other. These are things about which people talk when they sit in the counseling office.

The husband complains, "She has always been critical of everything I do.  I've never been able to please her." The wife complains, "He's married to his job. He has no time for me or the children. I feel like a widow." This wall of hurt and disappointment stands as a barrier to marital unity.

Demolishing this emotional wall is essential for rebuilding a troubled marriage. Admitting your part in building this wall, does not make you a failure. It means that you are human and are willing to admit your humanity. Confessing past failures is the first step toward a growing marriage.

[StillStanding]

http://twitter.com/DivorceBusting/statuses/264397228804825088

it is possible to wait out a midlife crisis and eventually, the alien who "abducted your spouse" will release him or her. Hang in there!

[trusting]

I saw she had posted that on FB and was glad to see it.  She didn't go into how long these alien abductions can last though.    

[StillStanding]

Things like Facebook and Twitter aren't suited to in-depth discussion and analysis. But I'm glad that she is saying that MLC is real and that it takes time.

I haven't been on the DB site in ages; I have no idea if Michele Weiner-Davis has good resources regarding MLC on her site or not.

[Trustandlove]

OldPilot probably know more; I'm not an active DB site user, but I have looked at it.  From what I can see there is an MLC forum; the ideas similar to here.    But overall from what I can tell she concentrates on "normal" marriage problems. 

I do know that in her book there is a chapter on MLC, but what it mostly says is that "normal" DB methods don't necessarily apply, and that it requires more patience than one ever dreamed, then multiplied by a million.  In other words, very little.  MLC isn't something where one can easily have "success stories" in a relatively short (i.e. less than a few years....) time. 

[OldPilot]

MHO is when she writes a book on MLC then I will buy into her supporting it.
RCR was a poster there for years so most of what RCR writes here was learned on that forum.or through other research avenues.

I think MWD has always supported the idea of MLC but she does not know how to FIX it.
HMMM sounds familiar.

[Trustandlove]

I agree, OP -- I was thinking when reading this that she doesn't go into that territory because it's too hard to have success stories, and so much of her company is about fixing marriages.  That may not sound quite right -- I want to clarify that I think her ideas and books are excellent and based on sound principles.  She concentrates on fixing things that she sees can be fixed, if that makes any sense. 

It's like she looks at MLC and goes "eek, ok it's there, but I'm not touching that".