[kikki]

Great article SP, thanks for posting.

This stood out to me, because omg, it's so true about my relationship.

I own the house where we lived. I handled all the bills. I took care of the cooking, cleaning, tidying. I gave up my life in London and shipped all my stuff back to go live with him and start a life together! (not even 6 months before his crisis).

What did he invest? Nothing. He was just kind of there, floating along. He didn't make any sacrifices. Never helped in the house. Didn't even pick up after himself. Didn't make concrete plans for the future. Spent his time playing videogames, watching tv, sleeping... in total selfishness.

It was always all about him. Tbh now I don't understand if this is connected to MLC, or if he's just an immature boy who doesn't know what it means to take responsibility for his own life, let alone for others.

I also took care of my sick grandma, sorted out the mess left behind by my junkie stepfather, handled my studies, my life alone in London... he couldn't even keep his papers in order, just lost them around the house. I can take responsibility for myself, and am now at the point where I'm strong and responsible enough to help others when they need. He never had to deal with a single thing in his life...

Dagolark, I'm not familiar with your story, but MLC is when previously responsible and dedicated men do a complete 180 and morph into aliens with extreme changes in morality, personality, responsibility, and regression of maturity. 

Your description above sounds like a man who always struggled with responsibility. 

[Thundarr]

Just for kicks.  Thoughts?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/midlife-crisis/

[xyzcf]

I think that on a site that tries to explain the theory behind MLC, the psychological factors, the destruction of families and several other very serious issues that are caused by MLC, that promoting the mentality that MLC is about buying 7 things, does a great disservice to those of us who have experienced much more traumatic behaviors.

[Thundarr]

No disrespect meant.  My point is how the outside world simply doesn't get it.

[Ready2Transform]

I think there will eventually be a diagnosable name for this disease/dis-ease - and it probably won't be "midlife crisis", simply because that carries too much prejudice toward a silly episode of irresponsibility and youth-chasing.

Ten/twenty/thirty years ago we didn't use the word "autism" everyday, and now it is everywhere, thanks to the parents who didn't give up on their kids for being diagnosed as just 'slow/awkward/lazy/the r word'.  We know about the spectrum and we discuss possible causes and cures openly throughout the media and in support groups because of people just like us who loved someone and knew there was more to the story than just 'bad behavior'.  But until our day comes and this thing is faced head on in our culture, we're a very small minority who recognize this illness, and an even smaller group who choose to continue to value our marriages regardless.  Things will change.  Probably not tomorrow.

[EmeraldCityToo]

I really wish that those who don't experience this would stop trying to excuse it or pretend it doesn't exist.  Its just like all the people who say that kids from divorced homes adjust and get along just fine after two years or so. Some do and some NOT!!   

Also a little bit annoyed at being in the vanguard of things.  I liked being a style setter in my teens, but with a 24 yr old who was diagnosed with autism before anyone knew what to do with her, and now a MLC husband, I am actually much more willing to follow a path rather than blaze one.  Just feeling a bit tired and bored with the whole thing now.  Patience isn't one of my finer qualities.  Always thought my "special kiddo" was meant to teach me something.  Guess dad is just picking up where she left off. 

Thanks for sharing the article.  Wish others could realize though that even if 80% have a midlife transistion, for the ones who love those in the 20% its really frustrating.

[kikki]

I think there will eventually be a diagnosable name for this disease/dis-ease - and it probably won't be "midlife crisis", simply because that carries too much prejudice toward a silly episode of irresponsibility and youth-chasing.

Ten/twenty/thirty years ago we didn't use the word "autism" everyday, and now it is everywhere, thanks to the parents who didn't give up on their kids for being diagnosed as just 'slow/awkward/lazy/the r word'.  We know about the spectrum and we discuss possible causes and cures openly throughout the media and in support groups because of people just like us who loved someone and knew there was more to the story than just 'bad behavior'.  But until our day comes and this thing is faced head on in our culture, we're a very small minority who recognize this illness, and an even smaller group who choose to continue to value our marriages regardless.  Things will change.  Probably not tomorrow.

Couldn't agree more R2

[toughtimes]

Me too ready2, good comparison with our understanding of autism. Now if we could get some psychologist/neurologist to do research paper and then a TED talk maybe the peeps at Huff post will take this thing seriously!

[rover77]

I go thru Puffington's divorce section a lot...but I think there is way too much 'you go girl...it's great..be a cougar' etc...there is some good stuff..but I have to be patient

[kikki]

Me too ready2, good comparison with our understanding of autism. Now if we could get some psychologist/neurologist to do research paper and then a TED talk maybe the peeps at Huff post will take this thing seriously!

Perfect plan. 
I was talking to S20 earlier today and said that I wish I could spend the next 7 years studying for a BSc and beyond, specialising in neurology. 
I think it's going to take someone to have been personally touched by this thing, to be interested in getting to the bottom of it. 
Sadly, I have no desire to be 58 and have many years of a student loan to repay, so this person won't be me.

I go thru Puffington's divorce section a lot...but I think there is way too much 'you go girl...it's great..be a cougar' etc...there is some good stuff..but I have to be patient

That would have to be hard to stomach.  Eat, Pray, Love came on the tv the other night.  Needless to say, in defense of all of you male LBS, I changed the channel.