[NoRegrets]

The worst thing I ever got from one of my friends, regarding the OW,

"Well...maybe she IS the love of his life....it's possible."


Hrmm.

Anything is possible. And, they are more alike, I suppose than we were....

[panda]

'Well he has made him mind up - I have seen a different side of you' - FIL, after having H and FIL gang up on me one evening whilst I was trying to defend myself amongst all the mad accusations!

'Well I understand that you are controlling' - FIL, when the children weren't available at his request. 

'I am trained in this, I can recognise any signs of depression or stress in people'  FIL AGAIN who made this comment about H after I said he is having some issues - he then announced that he didn't see anything wrong.

'He has explained his reasons, I see you are in shock but he seems to have been telling you for a while he is very unhappy' - again, from the FIL who I no longer speak to.

'You may have seen all sorts of sexual texts - doesn't mean its proof of any kind of affair.  He has said he was infatuated with OW, but he has morals - stop being a victim'  FIL.

'I think you are becoming desperate to save the relationship' - FIL, one final time who truly thinks I am the cause of all of it. 

'Well maybe he is depressed' - on mentioning to MIL that H totally ignored my 40th birthday and gave me monster spew

'He did not have an affair, he told me he didn't (my H) - you have convinced yourself' - MIL.

[kikki]

    NR, please tell us you have nothing to do with that 'friend' any more, and panda - your in-laws are especially toxic.  Stay well away from them.

[panda]

kikki - in laws don't seem to want to know me anyway (I AM BAD!)...sadly, their response in all this highlights what sort of family my H grew up in.......it all is beginning to make sense   

[kikki]

Panda, sadly this seems to be a common theme.  The bulk of us have been rejected by our in-laws during this crisis, which is very telling.
Only a few LBS seem to have the support of their spouse's FOO.  We had a thread talking about it a while ago. 

[cherryblossom]

Yikes, Panda, I agree with Kikki - your in-laws are toxic  And yep, it does seem to be a neon flashing sign that alerts us to the kind of influence and emotional support (or lack of it) that our MLC-ers experienced growing up.

When I told my in-laws that Mr CB had met another woman online and had left me for her FIL's response was:

I hope he's careful - you just never know who people are when they're on the internet - they could be after his money 

and as I sat in their kitchen crying about the breakup and looking, I guess, for some comfort and understanding:

FIL: Well, I thought I knew my boys.  The thing I don't understand is why he has his hair like that 
MIL: Yes, it's like Bruce Willis 
FIL:  He looks awful - it's surely not attractive to anyone
ME:  Well, I find him attractive and I guess so does the OW - mostly I'm doing this though 
FIL: You think it's because he used to tie his hair back in a ponytail that he lost his hair (FIL has male-pattern baldness)
MIL: Yes, and I warned him about that too
FIL:  [sigh]  He never listened.  I wonder if he (Mr CB) will have a child.  Do we want another grandchild?  We're quite happy with the ones we've got (Mr CB has a niece and nephew)
ME: 

MIL:  What do you think Mr CB will do with his flat (this is actually OUR flat)
ME:  I think we'll sell it and split the proceeds
MIL:  Looked confused and later told Mr CB that she was hurt because she'd helped him out with the deposit and it wasn't fair that I should profit from that 

Since Christmas I have detached completely from these people....

x

[kikki]

Phew CB - detaching from those people sounds very wise.   

[panda]

cherryblossom - that is absolutely shocking!!!!    I can't talk to inlaws either - They phone all jovial and completely ignore the mess and prefer to live in denial.   Its me and my family who are being trampled over during this...its very unfair.

[Stillpraying]

My MIL??
At first was very supportive and in my camp with regards to H.  I think now, it was because he also rejected her so we were 'fellow victims'. 
Things she told me during that time: "H is not my son, I will give him a black eye, he is never welcome here with that woman, I will never forgive him..........."

Then 18 months later (pre christmas last year) H drops in on his mother.  I hear about it from SIL.  Whilst thankful that he finally spoke to her, it was a shock that she texts me later and simply says all is good now after a 30 minute meeting and that I need to forgive the past and she is going to meet OW2.  From all the harsh comments over the months after H left and then it's 'all good' and she wants SIL and  I to be 'nice' with H also even though he hasn't tried to show remorse with us.

Needless to say she hasn't contacted me since I told her it would be difficult for me to continue seeing her while she now has a relationship with OW2.  I did feel betrayed again.  Not because she saw H but because she just turned around from all she said previously and then went and had OW in her home and in front of my kids.  I really feel as though she just 'sided' with me because H was also against her.

Maybe I was too harsh to her.  I have often thought if I'd had the right response.  She was very angry about it according to SIL.  However, I feel at peace and am relieved I have stepped away from the toxicity of that family.

[kikki]

I think you did the right thing SP.  it would have been my boundary too.