[iHh]

We all have to take responsibility for what we could have done better in our marriages.  Otherwise, we don't learn what we need to to better our lives.  That being said, you could have done nothing to stop his journey through his MLC.  All that you can do at this point, is to be the best mom to your kids that you can be.  Easier said than done, since we are the walking wounded.  It also puts so much extra weight on your shoulders because YOU often have to be mother, and father, while you are trying to just put one foot in front of the other.  It's all so sad, and messed up!
Thinking of you, and praying for you.  in His hands

[calamity]

I have felt enormous guilt for having picked this man to be the father of my kids, to pick a man who would abandon them and put this ugly shadow over their childhoods, to allow my kids to be exposed to such pain and sadness.

Yes me too.

Someone on here said:  those abandoned, abandon

and

hurt people hurt people.

[Disneyme]

Can someone tell me about truth darts?

[Disneyme]

LWH, I have struggled with guilt for much of the crisis too.  It is unfounded because I had no way of knowing my husband would have a crisis, no way of knowing his childhood issues would cause him to go crazy someday.  I have felt enormous guilt for having picked this man to be the father of my kids, to pick a man who would abandon them and put this ugly shadow over their childhoods, to allow my kids to be exposed to such pain and sadness.

I feel the same way. I will always wonder if I didn't treat him verbally like $hit maybe I wouldn't be this way.  I just keep telling myself he was no knight. I do wonder if I was first if he would have returned the love. I feel he is treating the OW the way he should have treated me. They cook together, clean up together, meet for lunch. I was so tired of cooking and cleaning and 3 kids I wanted him to plan the "us" stuff that never happened, so I got mad and was mean. In his eyes he tried so hard. Said he always had to say sorry (yet never changed anything) . I don't know. My mind changes by the minute from guilt to anger to just pain.

[Ready2Transform]

Can someone tell me about truth darts?

RCR does it best: http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/standing-and-divorce/truth-darts/

[Stillpraying]

LWH, I have struggled with guilt for much of the crisis too.  It is unfounded because I had no way of knowing my husband would have a crisis, no way of knowing his childhood issues would cause him to go crazy someday.  I have felt enormous guilt for having picked this man to be the father of my kids, to pick a man who would abandon them and put this ugly shadow over their childhoods, to allow my kids to be exposed to such pain and sadness.

I am getting better about not feeling guilty because I do keep reminding myself it is not my fault.  I truly thought I had married a really great guy, emotionally stable, full of integrity.  Indeed, he was like that for the almost 18 years I knew him before the crisis hit.  Unlike an MLCer whose guilt keeps them running, it has caused me to really work on my relationship with my kids, trying to minimize the pain for them as much as I can, etc.

I started reading this and thought I had wrote it!.  My feelings exactly.  I chose this man to be the father of my children and now look at what they have to put up with.
I think they just run from any responsibility, not just kids.  they just want the free and easy teen life.  Mine sees the kids regularly but even OW1 pointed out it is more for his ego than for their benefit.

[trusting]

I think they just run from any responsibility, not just kids.  they just want the free and easy teen life.  Mine sees the kids regularly but even OW1 pointed out it is more for his ego than for their benefit.

Yes, they definitely seem to run from responsibility.  Mine after more than four years now is FINALLY starting to spend time with the kids on a regular basis.  He is still Disney dad and it is still very much on his terms and when it suits him, but it is progress.

[living with Hope]

those abandoned, abandon

and

hurt people hurt people.

So how do we stop this cycle with our children? I can't bear the thought of my children continuing this pattern.  My husband always felt emotionally abandoned and now he has taken it a step further.

[calamity]

Teach them to love themselves?  Of course we have to MODEL that & I'm not sure I'm a good model.  Altho surviving this mlc is a good example. 

[panda]

This is something I am worried about.  That in approx 33 years my son will turn round, dump his family and no one will know where it came from.  Except me....what do I do to stop this happening again?  H is abandoning emotionally, his father did it to H, and his fathers mother dumped him as a child.....there is a cycle - its scary.