[Dontgiveup]

From RCR's article Back Limbo Forward

In the beginning the light at the tunnel's entrance offers some clarity. As he goes farther it becomes darker and darker, but since they are not yet completely without light, they cycle. As he proceeds farther into the tunnel, the light at the beginning is no longer visible and the light at the end is not yet visible. Things get worse. The alienator relationship pulls him down. In the beginning he hated and loved you at the same time, often changing his mind every few minutes/days/weeks. Now, in the darkness, he seems even more certain he hates you, more consistent. He is gone without Hope of returning. He doesn't want to return. In this place of Perpetual Darkness he knows he made the right decision.

The Dark period can be very long. As he approaches the end of the tunnel he will see the light. He may cycle again--hating and loving you. The Rollercoaster is wildest at the beginning and end when they are making decisions. When he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the damage also becomes visible. It may be so great that he runs again. Or he sees the Love and Hope in his spouse and becomes afraid.

[holdinon2hope]

R2T, thanks..it does shed light on this sore subject.  It's nice to know that maybe im not really to blame for all of this.. it gets old hearing I am though. 

[Disneyme]

My H says he's fighting or his kids. For years h would be out all night playing poker yet now he wants to have his kids. Seems like this got worse after the OW got serious and is spending nights with him. Shouldn't he be wanting to be alone with her instead? Why want the kids and also be with her on those days? (she has no kids).  When he has them they either go to adult things or have adult "BBQ's" sometimes poker parties. Also he has been inviting the lost relatives that the kids haven't seen in 2 years.  The OW thinks this is so special. I think it's a fake lie!

Code: [Select]

[1994]

QUESTION - spouse meeting with my individual counselor

I'm in a strange spot.   My W44 have frequent family time.  It's fun and warm.  From the outside it would appear as if we were still a functioning family.

A few nights ago, w44 told me she met with my IC and will appear at my next meeting.

"how do you feel about us just hanging out and being platonic."

Now here's the hint.....

"I think we should start over.... Go through all the paperwork.... Meet some other people... And start over."

Question.... What do I say at this meeting.

[Broken Open]

Question

If you have no contact with MLCer who will they spew their venom at...OW/OM?  Because you are out of the picture and they know deep inside they are still unhappy, who do they blame then? I'm assuming that deep inside they know they aren't happy, even when they are with OP, even though they are working so hard to prove it to themselves and others that they are. 

[1994]

Question

If you have no contact with MLCer who will they spew their venom at...OW/OM?  Because you are out of the picture and they know deep inside they are still unhappy, who do they blame then? I'm assuming that deep inside they know they aren't happy, even when they are with OP, even though they are working so hard to prove it to themselves and others that they are.

Venom is not predictable... pattern like.. but not predictable.

[sleepless]

QUESTION - spouse meeting with my individual counselor

I'm in a strange spot.   My W44 have frequent family time.  It's fun and warm.  From the outside it would appear as if we were still a functioning family.

A few nights ago, w44 told me she met with my IC and will appear at my next meeting.

"how do you feel about us just hanging out and being platonic."

Now here's the hint.....

"I think we should start over.... Go through all the paperwork.... Meet some other people... And start over."

Question.... What do I say at this meeting.

If I'm reading this right it is that you want platonic and she doesn't even though you have a well functioning family. If so then I am in the same place you are. I'm looking for same advice in how to deal with this.

[1994]

Not quite... she wants to date and play friends.... after getting a D.

QUESTION - spouse meeting with my individual counselor

I'm in a strange spot.   My W44 have frequent family time.  It's fun and warm.  From the outside it would appear as if we were still a functioning family.

A few nights ago, w44 told me she met with my IC and will appear at my next meeting.

"how do you feel about us just hanging out and being platonic."

Now here's the hint.....

"I think we should start over.... Go through all the paperwork.... Meet some other people... And start over."

Question.... What do I say at this meeting.

If I'm reading this right it is that you want platonic and she doesn't even though you have a well functioning family. If so then I am in the same place you are. I'm looking for same advice in how to deal with this.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

My H says he's fighting or his kids. For years h would be out all night playing poker yet now he wants to have his kids. Seems like this got worse after the OW got serious and is spending nights with him. Shouldn't he be wanting to be alone with her instead? Why want the kids and also be with her on those days? (she has no kids).  When he has them they either go to adult things or have adult "BBQ's" sometimes poker parties. Also he has been inviting the lost relatives that the kids haven't seen in 2 years.  The OW thinks this is so special. I think it's a fake lie!

My H's OW used to want my H to bring our S to their "get togethers".  My theory is that the OW feels that once she can win over S, she will have my H's heart forever; that they will be one big happy family and he will not want to leave her.  These OW are SICK in that they use the kids to get what they want.  Sounds like your H's OW is pressuring him to have an "instant family" and she is using your kids to do that.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

If you have no contact with MLCer who will they spew their venom at...OW/OM?  Because you are out of the picture and they know deep inside they are still unhappy, who do they blame then? I'm assuming that deep inside they know they aren't happy, even when they are with OP, even though they are working so hard to prove it to themselves and others that they are.   

I found that my H only vented to me about how upset he was with his life and how unhappy he was.  He didn't share that part of his life with others like he did with me - lucky me .  As a matter of fact, he kept away from all of his friends and family that knew him before his MLC, and made all new friends who agreed with what he was doing - typical.