[Mamma Bear]

     I understand MLCer language now.  lol

     What's that course? Learn Spanish in 1 month.

     Learn MLCer in 33 months.


  Superdog's H:

"H- I can't stand it when people don't like me, but if you resent me then I am fine with that because to resent me you have at least taken me into account and I am happy with that" what?"


      Sounds like he meant .. ...you know when you first meet someone and get a first impression   Then a little while later someone asks you "What do you think of that person?"  You might say "Oh I don't like them."    

       BUT you'd have to get close to someone and have an R with them in order to actually RESENT them.   
      Translation :   I don't want to be judged on my surface. Get to know me first, then resent me.....lol


I stumbled upon this while searching for the resentment thing...lol

 http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-difference-between-compassion-and-codependence.htm#didyouknowout



 

[Mamma Bear]

   Actually this was the part of the article that caught my eye.
   This to me is mirror work.


 
"A person who takes care of his or her own needs and well-being can feel empathy for others without sacrificing personal boundaries. He might possess the ability to help someone, without expecting anything in return, because the compassionate person typically respects the personal boundaries of others, allowing them to make their own mistakes and develop coping skills. Compassion is considered a valued virtue in various religions as a human endeavor to end suffering.




Some psychologists believe the way people develop compassion and codependence traits hinges on whether they promote their own growth. Those who take personal responsibility for their own happiness are generally able to feel empathy for others in a healthy way. People with codependent personalities might lack compassion for themselves, making them unable to give true compassion to others.




Signs of codependency include a desire to make others happy and keep peace, no matter the cost. A codependent person might believe others owe him and resent them while trying to fix their shortcomings. He generally wants others to like him and will do whatever is necessary to gain approval, even if it means neglecting himself."



 
 

[OldPilot]

Just another guess but why do children misbehave in school?

To get attention.

So maybe this is his way to get attention from his mommy.

Hi OP,

Yes he had mummy issues for sure. Do you mean that him saying to be resented means you have attachment to the feelings associated with resentment is better than having none at all for him?
Indifference towards him really gets to him.

Sd
X

[Mamma Bear]

  Good point OP.

  My friends at work whose kids act out badly are good in school and BAD around Mommy.      ANY attention is better than none.

[superdog]

Thanks mama bear,

I thought I had taken that course too, but clearly I didn't make the grade. I got fed up and did something more interesting. ;-)

That's interesting how you translate that because that's been the whole point, he never lets anyone get to know him ( other than me by default) so he obviously fears that true self will totally put people off. Fear of rejection. Which if this is the real him, then he is absolutely correct ! Seriously though, he fears judgment because he judges himself as he doesn't like who he truly is. But then I resent alien h not the one from before. You are spot on.  So I will see this as a compliment as in I got to know him before deciding he was an ass. Yey for me.

And yes, codependency is his middle name, hence the clinger. Oh dear for him. Those paragraphs pretty much sum it up. He told me two days Ago he hates the word empathy, probably as this says he doesn't feel it or know what it means and therefore will not recognise it in others.

I have the mother of all statements which back up the you owe me.

" I saved your life after the  kids were born, you damn well owe me". And there is me thinking saving someone's life was a selfless act. Not in mlc land. Lol

Yip MLC, not script as such, but still script.


Thanks
Sd
X

[Mamma Bear]

  SD

  I like the concept of The MLCer doesn't want to be alone. 
 
  That in itself is crazy.

  Think about it. I do know people like that. They have to have other people around. Why? Probably because the conversations that they have inside their own heads are NOT GOOD!

  Why?  That's the thing. How can someone not like themselves?

  GO....FIX!

 

[maomina]

Just today i got these
"I love you i always will"
"I don t know "
It took me 8 years and two kids to realize we cannot be in a relasonship"
"Ow and i are not serious it s not like i wanna get married or something"
"I wanna end up alone"
" i d rather be gay right now" huh??
" I don't wanna die young, I wanna enjoy myself"

And when i told him that i do not want to c him anymore he started crying silently.
 He also wants to talk???

[bellagio88]

Thank you everyone - it has been SUCH a tonic reading these posts!

My WAP (62): 3 weeks ago at BD (by email):

- It is what it is
- I want 2014 to be a year of rejuvenation and new beginnings - so that means that doors must close....
- I am depressed and it is because of you and our relationship
- Whenever I am any where near you it is exacerbated (the depression)
- For my own peace of mind I have to end this relationship.
- You are a good woman - you deserve to meet someone who can give you what I am unable to
- We are very different people. It is neither one of our faults. We are just not compatible.
- I need space and time to think
- I only want you to contact me via email as I cannot cope with verbal and emotional pressure
- I cant go on pretending to be positive and cheerful when I dont feel that way
- My feelings have changed. I have tried to get them back but nothing has made any difference and I dont see that changing in the future.
- There is NO hope for reconciliation

AND MY FAVOURITE 2 days later to my mother (after BD)- "I am shocked that LBS hasnt responded to my email. She is showing no sadness, no regret, no remorse, no understanding - NOTHING. How odd!

Sheesh.......
Please someone confirm this is "silver haired MLC" otherwise I am going crazy!

Bx

[LaughLoveLive]

Following the script beautifully B88, I was  nodding along remembering my H saying almost all of those things  to me /about me and he is smack bang right in the age bracket, turning 50 a year after BD. I know the age thing probably makes you doubt but the same devil is whispering in his ear. Trust the process.

[Breakingthecycle]

Bells, a friend of mine is going through it with her H who is 70!  He's read exactly the same script as the younger ones