[31andcounting]

Lovebystanding~ so if H says " I have always done that"   "I"  set it up that way......"It always happended because of me"....maybe just maybe he is beginning to own it, He is looking inward??  It has been 3 years since BD, we are reconnecting/reconciling BUT I have heard him say those things.  I have been trying to figure out if his BPD actions will end or if it here for good.  time will tell but I kind of feel some affirmation after reading this thread.  Maybe I really am in the part of the tunnel  that I thought I was??? Whole thing is a guessing game. Wish we were all just watching like a movie instead of living it!!
31andcounting 

[Lovebystanding]

Your're right 31andcounting.....time will tell...the MLCer needs time...we need time.
It is a guessing game like u said.....nice to know ur H is reconnecting..... the chemical imbalance
must be coming back to normal.....that too takes TIME.

" Wish we were all just watching like a movie instead of living it"

I am told detachment helps .....once you can really detach and see all this for the truth it can sometimes be funny ..as if u r watching a movie. If it wasnt for all the hurt that these MLcers cause.

[Snowdrop]

I am told detachment helps .....once you can really detach and see all this for the truth it can sometimes be funny ..as if u r watching a movie. If it wasnt for all the hurt that these MLcers cause.

Yes, LBS, I think detachment is the key, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes, and you can see the funny side.  Guess that also has a lot to do with what kind of MLCer you have too, whether a clinger or vanisher, or whatever inbetween. 

We are "fortunate" to have a vanisher, which helps tremendously with detachment, and now we are at the point where if we speak of him, we either laugh or roll our eyes.  He is so, so mean, but even with that, you just get so tired of it, it is annoying and frustrating to see someone so ridiculous.

[Disneyme]

I am so confused. My h treats me like garbage. Yet he plays this loving father and boyfriend to everyone else. No one would ever believe me since there are no witnesses to the text or emails. He does stay far from me never contacting me unless question for the kids. Today he texted he was mad s after school club was cancelled and s didn't know and called after school and he had to rush there. I responded "welcome to my world" . Really I get stuff like that all the time like s having no shoes in car for school 30 minutes away and I had to go but some.

So what does h say. "It's not about you".
I just can't take this anymore. I feel like garbage not of the time from him. Either what he says or how he acts and looks different now without and not for me. He doesn't match the narcissist. So feel like I can't blame it on that.

[in it]

Does he have a problem with sarcasm? Were you being sarcastic? If you were.. his response was what he wanted to say in response to that.

That's how I read that anyway..

Have you read about all the different kinds of narcissists there are?

[Disneyme]

I don't know if it was sarcastic. It is my world. Jumping and doing for the kids things that may not go my way during the day. That's life with kids. He thinks the world revolves around him. People will help him, do what he wants even last minute, yet if it happens to him, he's mad. He is the easy going, it will work out attitude. And it does. Not because he thinks God has him, he just knows things go his way. Like he got his new furniture I never let him have, he got ow that he thinks is better than I was, he got the days he requested with the kids, he can start paying off debt since ow is living there paying stuff for him, he manages the kids since he only has 2 of 3 and ow cooks and cleans. He's one of those people that things happen for him and the no one can argue he's wrong since it works out.

[in it]

That seems to be my take on my situation also...seems to fall in a bucket of $h!te and comes out smelling like roses.

Narcissists tend to have that happen to them..entitled attitude and all that goes with this.

Just stay away from him. NO CALLS, no texts, no help, no information, no nothing. Deprive him of YOU.

You'll see....you need to let go.

[Albatross]

I just have to remain all of you that people which hit MLC become opposite what they was before MLC. Light is opposite to dark. Light is opposite to shadow. Shadow is opposite to light. What that means ?

- Extroverted become introverted.
- Introverted become extroverted.
- People which was calm become restless.
- People which was restless become come.
- Narcissistic people become generous, express emotions and become total opposite what narcissist is !
- Normal people become narcissistic egocentric people.

We all have conciseness and subconsciousness. In other words we have Light and Shadow. Light cannot exists without shadow. Shadow cannot exist without light !

So, LBS which judge MLC spouse by current behavior doing the same thing as MLCers does, rewrite history !   

Stages of Victim Development

    Bomb Drop
    Panic & Anxiety
    Denial Throughout
    Shock
    Bargaining
    Hopelessness
    Realization of Loss
    Denial Continues
    Becoming a Victim
    Suppression: I'm not going to deal with this right now.
    Anger
        Self-Pity Anger: Why me?
        Guilt, Shame, Humiliation
        Self-Righteous Anger: blames spouse
        I'm Done.
        Due to either anger or helplessness, may be fleeting
    Justice & Revenge--the need to destroy
        Fantasies of revenge
        Occasionally small scale pranks
    Hell hath no fury...
    Becoming the Scorned Woman (Second Inner Circle)
    Rewrite Story: define heroes & villains
        Reinforce Innocence
        Deny Responsibility
        Dehumanize Spouse
    Justified Aggression
        Roles Change: Victim to Aggressor

More about read in RCR article: CLICK HERE

Whole of up scenario MLCer going trough. If we as LBS doing that then what is the difference between LBS & MLCer ? It is like two kids start to fight. They spiral up - escalate problem till physical fights ! How immature is that. Usually parent punish such behavior on way that both kids are punished the same.  And then one child point finger on other one and said he start it ! Parent only can spot that both children behave the same. People who perceive can't see difference between them. Is it really important who start it ?

[in it]

No it's not important who starts it..It's who ends it.

And I FINALLY DID.

It's the LBS's decision in the end.

There is NO EXCUSE for physical violence.

I don't care how crazy you think someone is. It's NO REASON to put your hands on them in anger.

When someones had enough emotional and/or physical abuse it's time to end it.

AND they need to think about the kids!

[in it]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201201/lack-empathy-the-most-telling-narcissistic-trait