[Albatross]

I am almost 1yr since BD.i know my H was with alienator for 1yr previous. He now states that he does not want to keep her a secret anymore. But everyone knows about her. He says I just don't get that he wants to be with her. How do I know if he has reached liminality or this awakening and this is really what he wants. I see him about 1time  a week for a few minutes. She is 31 yrs and he is 59 yrs. I still think she is after what she can get, but he says no

When his monster diminish and vanish he is ready for liminality. But he can be in limbo some time... and with alienator just because of inertia.

[panda]

Dreamer, I think they really believe 'its real' at the time, in replay - certainly the case in my situation.

My H is in stage 4 and its happened as Albatross has described.

I think it started end 2010.  Subtle withdrawing/angry comments/outbursts throughout summer 2011 and started staying at work late, heavy drinking, staying out end of 2011.  So stage 2, 2011.  Stage 3 starts Dec 2011 with EA throughout early 2012 (noticed unusual phone activity).  Big withdrawal 2012.  Fairly certain PA from August 2012 - big BD Feb 2013.

So my H has been in the PA for over a year.  No sign of trouble in paradise yet, but would I know about it if there was?!!! 

[panda]

These stages may not always go in this order.

This may have been the order for your MLC'er but others may proceed in a different order.

And my belief is that they may repeat some of these stages after bomb drop too.

Totally agree. This is stages which my wife going trough. I hope that she hit liminality because she show no more monster. Maybe she will cycle back, I will see.

Albatross,  how long has your wife not shown monster for?

[Albatross]

These stages may not always go in this order.

This may have been the order for your MLC'er but others may proceed in a different order.

And my belief is that they may repeat some of these stages after bomb drop too.

Totally agree. This is stages which my wife going trough. I hope that she hit liminality because she show no more monster. Maybe she will cycle back, I will see.

Albatross,  how long has your wife not shown monster for?

No monster over month. And generally she is a lot different - better then before.

[panda]

Albatross,

Thank you.  Generally, my H is alot better than before, he doesn't monster as much and if he does its less 'severe' - but still in relationship with OW.

I haven't seen your story so I do not know, is your wife still in Ea/PA?

[Dreamer]

Albatross,
       
     My H was here today. Says he was here to see our grd dtr. Seems angry but not monstering at me. Still with OW. Says he wants to come and take our grd dtr to school on the days I work. She lives with us. I am not sure if he is just being polite or he is trying to keep connection. OW has 2 small children and I have told him that if that is the new life he wants he needs to focus on them. I am confused at the stages as sometimes I think I have him where he is, but then he throws a wrench in the works. Does the OW have to be gone for awakening? Do you know?

[Albatross]

Albatross,
       
     My H was here today. Says he was here to see our grd dtr. Seems angry but not monstering at me. Still with OW. Says he wants to come and take our grd dtr to school on the days I work. She lives with us. I am not sure if he is just being polite or he is trying to keep connection. OW has 2 small children and I have told him that if that is the new life he wants he needs to focus on them. I am confused at the stages as sometimes I think I have him where he is, but then he throws a wrench in the works. Does the OW have to be gone for awakening? Do you know?

Awakening as far I learn is piont of MLCer journey whe MLCer awake from trance, fantasy, movie, whatever he prefer and realize reality. Then he terrified what he done. Like waking up after drinking all night long.

[PatienceGalore]

I would like to know what exactly is liminality? I have read RCR article, but I don't really understand, and how does it manifest itself? Also, Monster, my h is not generally angry, I am not sure if I see Monster. Does Monster appear when he says he does not know if he wants to be with me, when he says 50/50 for decision, when he can't decide, when he looks at me like I'm a bug? He does not say mean things to me EVER, or does not blame me, but does bring up parts of our marriage as being problematic?
I have difficulty placing him in his journey, possibly between stages 4 and 5  (though I know that each person is different). my fear is that he may not be in MLC at all, but just does not love me anymore, how do I know the difference? Sometimes, it is so apparent it is MLC, and sometimes, I just think he want another life...

[Albatross]

I would like to know what exactly is liminality? I have read RCR article, but I don't really understand, and how does it manifest itself? Also, Monster, my h is not generally angry, I am not sure if I see Monster. Does Monster appear when he says he does not know if he wants to be with me, when he says 50/50 for decision, when he can't decide, when he looks at me like I'm a bug? He does not say mean things to me EVER, or does not blame me, but does bring up parts of our marriage as being problematic?
I have difficulty placing him in his journey, possibly between stages 4 and 5  (though I know that each person is different). my fear is that he may not be in MLC at all, but just does not love me anymore, how do I know the difference? Sometimes, it is so apparent it is MLC, and sometimes, I just think he want another life...

1. Does his personality change DRAMATICALLY in last several years ? Do You feel that he is not himself ? Possessed by aliens ?  If answer YES, than he is MLC.
2. Do You love normal him before MLC ? If Yes, then You should wait that he come from his journey and work on self. Love self. Cheers.

How someone who is in deep depression can love anyone ? They aren't capable to love self in such condition, if they can't love self, then they can't love anyone. They are just like "drug addicts", "alcoholics". I am living with one and I am very empathic person, I feel her suffering. But thanks God I am detached, let go her, surrender to God will, accept situation what it is.

[PatienceGalore]

Hi, yes, his personality did change, but gradually. I thought it was only due to work pressures, recession in Ireland, family problems.
I love him now, as I loved him then, so I am waiting....thank you Albatross, very insightful!
I would love if he came back to live at home to finish his journey in peace...I hate that he lives with his mother (no OW anymore)