[in it]

Well apparently you need to get it all out somewhere! Geez!

 The one he was in only lasted 4 months and it burned itself out. But he travels at the speed of light anyway.

Lanzo she hurt you emotionally as much as she can and now she's focused on money. Some women believe this is the ONLY way you can hurt a man.

[LettingGo]

InIt.....your husband's ow was especially trashy....would you please elaborate some of the things she did/lies she told/fights they had as an EXAMPLE of what the affair is really like under the surface. I seem to remember she went to jail, right?? Didn't she also sell her home in record time in order to play the "I'm homeless so you will have to rescue me" card??

I suggested this thread so that us old timers with chatty husbands can SHARE the TRUTH about how the grass isn't green at all....especially on major family holidays, LOL!!!

[LettingGo]

Just read my AUTOCORRECTED post from my phone last night....sounds like I was drunk, LOL!! Oh well....you get the picture!

[DCD]

i love this thread! it really does help to see that our spouses really are in a crisis, and that their affair partner is only a symptom/extension of the crazy that they're working through.

for those of you with spouses moving in with the OP or are currently living with the OP, there is always the fear that they actually may have made their decision, found their mate...and so on.  there is hope that their relationship will soon implode as now they have to deal with the reality that the fantasy isn't what they had imagined.  unfortunately, while the cracks soon do appear, our spouses seem to put up with a whole lot of crap for a whole lot of time before making any moves to end it. 

my H moved in with his ow, i think, quite soon after he left, at the very least 2.5 years ago.  he has attempted to come home once, last christmas, but i am suspicious of his motives, although, to a degree, i do believe he tried to get away from her.  this past september, he spent at least three nights in my home - he snuck in after we went to bed and then left very early before we woke up.  he didn't do a great job hiding that fact but i never asked about it.

things i've heard during his time with his ow, whom he is still very much involved with: "i'm stuck", "it's not that she's crazy....it's just that....ugh, she's f$%^ing crazy", "she makes me feel good", "she worships me", "i think she just wants to be married", "if i do this, maybe she'll stop yelling at me", "she yells at me about everything. if i mention you or the house, she yells", "i'm stuck"(recurring).  keeping in mind, i NEVER bring her up and this has been over the past 2.5 years that i've known about their relationship (they have likely been together 4+years).  he doesn't talk about her at all anymore so it's hard to gauge where they are at currently.  i can only assume that things are progressing for them, but it doesn't sound stable AT ALL.  he's currently cycling towards us, but that's "expected" - sorry - as he has a history of yearly cycles that i've seemed to map out with fair accuracy.  'tis the season, and all.  the feeling i have about this (and i do waffle, can't help it when things appear to be going well for him) is he feels he has nowhere else to go and that he can't be alone.  i think he's putting his all into this (as much as he can) because he feels that's all he has since he's blown up everything else.  he hasn't fully let me go, but i sense he's trying.

sad situation for everyone.

[kikki]

OrionS - I'm very sorry - your W is creating a terrible mess, and living in the middle of it with your children is one of the hardest things to do.

No one is suggesting that we involve ourselves in the drama triangle.  All advice here is to detach from that drama, and to protect yourself and your children as much as you can emotionally and financially.
Each situation is unique and only you (and maybe the advice of a lawyer so that you know where you stand) are able to make those decisions.
None of this is easy - MLCers detonate our marriages, family and lives that we created together. 

LG's intent here was to shine a light on how things actually are in these MLC affairs - things are not what they seem.
What you need to do to protect yourself and your children is something else all together.

[SSG]

Let's see...before H moved in with OW, their FB messages were full of lovey-dovey emoticons, I love you, you are my soul mate, it is fate, I want to spend the rest of my life with you....

H moved in with OW in early August.  No matter where they are in public, she has a sour face, he never smiles, H never introduces her to people who come up to them...he talks like she is not next to him and she stands there like she does not belong.

When he comes here and telephones her to say he arrived, I see no smiling face on H, no kissy, kissy noises, no I love you's...nothing.

People that run into him say it is not the same man they knew.  When he was telling friends of ours that we are going to live separately, I in Germany and he in the CZ Republic...he was asked if he has a new love interest.  He looked like a deer in the headlights and never answered.  Asked why he is moving...H replied he has more freedom in that country.

Before she grabbed my H, the OW was a friend.  She was very independent, had her own business, handled her various animals (she has a farm), slaughtered her own geese...you get the picture.
NOW...she cannot do anything by herself.  She cannot even bathe a dog without help. 

One day my H was speaking to a friend and she came up crying that she can't handle "it" anymore....whatever the 'it' was I have no idea.  Quickly he left the conversation to walk with OW back to their car.

I would love to post some of their FB messages (names hidden) before he moved in with OW. 
One of them was from OW:  I am afraid you will lie to me like you did to your wife. 
H:  Oh no....you are different. I will never lie to you.

And then there are a lot of these:

OW: Why didn't you call me...you could tell me you want to live your own life, was sure you want to live our life. I waited 2 years in all my problems (her marriage) for you, was sure you were right for me, waited then you got what you wanted, was lonely, believed that you want the same as what I want, to be the most important thing for each other, but it isn't true.  I am ruined. Put all my energy to survive here so we can be together and have none left. Can't turn the course of my life around now. What I really want, from all my heart, is to be dead.

H never answered.  The FB messages began the next day about a different topic...like what the weather is like.   

NUTS!

He has never told me he is happier there. He has never told me he loves her, nor has he told anyone else. I think it was a place to escape to without any problems.  I know he is not happy.  I think even when things turn for the worse there, he will stay longer as he has lost the fire I used to see in him.
She is pulling the strings and he complies, then he must not think about anything and life is stress free..so he thinks.

I never talk about her or his life there.  Only tell him to take care of himself, to make himself the priority and to be safe.
And we have an agreement...if he gets sick or injured, she is to call me.

He has lost weight (and did not need to) and looks drawn in the face.  He tells me he is tired a lot.  Between his depression and OW...he must be exhausted.
SSG 

[LettingGo]

StandingStrong, I commend you for your response to his crisis.... my husband says ow's is an escape, but it's hard to believe at this point because she's a full time job and emotionally blackmails him constantly to get her way, but as you said....he complies as part of their bargain, I suppose.

[Lovely1]

When my H told me who the ow was, I laughed out loud. She is crap. She came to stay for the weekend four years ago (invited herself and her fiance). When she left our beautiful house and family, she returned to work saying: I want what H has ... And she has tried to get it!

My H left saying that OW 'gets me'. 'I follow my passions, and she is another passion.' 'I feel alive with her her. Everything is different. It is like a reformation of all my atoms. She is the polar opposite of you.'

Although he says: 'i'm not sure. I told her, I'm not sure.'

Seven months later: 'OW is so volatile. L1 is so kind, caring, calm.'

Ten months later, OW ends up in Casualty. My H has thrown her out of bed!

12  months later, OW has bitten my H.

In the meantime, OW is flirting all the time with other men at parties to keep my H's attention. She is terrified he will return to his wife and kids, and won't go thru with the D.

[SSG]

StandingStrong, I commend you for your response to his crisis.... my husband says ow's is an escape, but it's hard to believe at this point because she's a full time job and emotionally blackmails him constantly to get her way, but as you said....he complies as part of their bargain, I suppose.

Letting Go -  I believe that is the main pull between the two.  I know for my H, she is an escape.  OW is a full time job and with her crying and manipulating him...gets what she wants.  I think it is an unspoken bargain. It is one I know he is not happy with.  Perhaps it is the same with your H.

  Somewhere I read on this forum, they realize at some point along the way, what a mess they made of their life and try to make it work with OW...but it doesn't.  I am waiting for that to run its course. Wish I could be there to watch it all...like a fly on the wall.  It will be quite a show when he opens his eyes.

[SSG]

In the meantime, OW is flirting all the time with other men at parties to keep my H's attention. She is terrified he will return to his wife and kids, and won't go thru with the D.

My husbands OW is exactly the same...of course they are terrified of losing them.  They cheated on their wives, they could very easily cheat on them or go back home.  Mine does not want a divorce.  Scary for the alienator...very scary.