[PatienceGalore]

Sorry albatross, this has totally lost me!

[Albatross]

Sorry albatross, this has totally lost me!

Basically Jung said that is one person identify consciously only on one of functions thinking, feeling, sensation and intuition then consequence will be that others functions goes to the shadow. For example someone like Einstein was totally identified consciously with thinking. Person become very unbalanced. In long therm then can be possibility of dissociation of the personality. That means person can have one more personality which is independent. It monster what we call here in jargon. Shadow contain mostly bad things, and MLCer are very defensive, if they feel attacked than by automatic MLcer can be taken by independent very powerful mean persona...

[Albatross]

Stages of MLC: Conway

    Denial
    Anger
    Replay
    Depression
    Withdrawal
    Acceptance

Stages of Grief: Kübler-Ross1

    Denial
    Anger
    Bargaining
    Depression
    Acceptance

 Murray Stein identifies three stages of a Midlife Transition
    Separation
    Liminality
    Reintegration

RCR MLC MAP (According Murray Stein MLT process)
    Separation
            Rejection & Refusal
            Resentment
            Replay (Covert Depression)
    Liminality or Liminal/Overt Depression
    Rebirth
    Reintegration

According Murray Stein ACTING OUT = REPLAY is only difference between MLC and MLT. What that does mean ? That ACTING OUT is consequence of huge psychic energy - libido stored in subconsciousness - shadow. And that is consequence of very unbalanced person huge shadow, suppression from long, long time. No changes adaptation since puberty, rigid persons, FOO issues and so on. I will add one more important factor, and that our MLCers so stubborn that they wont change even in such condition and they try to escape from own shadow which is finally imminent. They escape and avoid until shadow merge with ego.

People who have lower shadow do not store so huge energy and no need for ACTING OUT. Less things to work on it. So, REPLAY is part of liminality according to Murray Stein. I did expect more discussion about this at least from people who are long time in MLC crap as LBS's. Now making sense that merger with shadow take long 2 -7 years according to Jung. ie REPLAY is longest in MLC and most mysterious part in MLC and enigma for LB's.

I am going forward with my view how REPLAY look like from my eyes (personal experience with my MLCer and knowledge in psychology which I made studding hard).

[PatienceGalore]

Albatross, can you shed some light on this for me? I'm not as au fait with psychology. You post:"they try to escape from own shadow which is finally imminent. They escape and avoid until shadow merge with ego."
My question is why does this happen. what makes a shadow emerge with ego. What is the exact definition of ego?
The time span 2 -7 years is from the start of MLC, as noted by spouse, is that when this merger starts to happen? Or is that time from BD, when all hell seems to break loose for MLCers.
My questions might seem basic to you, but at times I'm confused, even if I do get it in general, I'm sometimes lost in the definitions and can't always relate to where h is?
Sorry for all the brain poking!

[Albatross]

Acting out is a psychological term from the parlance of defense mechanisms and self-control, meaning to perform an action in contrast to bearing and managing the impulse to perform it. The acting done is usually anti-social and may take the form of acting on the impulses of an addiction (e.g. drinking, drug taking or shoplifting) or in a means designed (often unconsciously or semi-consciously) to garner attention (e.g. throwing a tantrum or behaving promiscuously).

In general usage, the action performed is destructive to self or others and may inhibit the development of more constructive responses to the feelings in question. The term is used in this way in sexual addiction treatment, psychotherapy, criminology and parenting.

Freud considered that patients in analysis tended to act out their conflicts in preference to remembering them - repetition compulsion.[1] The analytic task was then to help "the patient who does not remember anything of what he has forgotten and repressed, but acts it out"[2] to replace present activity by past memory.

Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again. This "re-living" can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and even hallucination.

The term can also be used to cover the repetition of behavior or life patterns more broadly: a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion'...describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behavior which were difficult or distressing in earlier life."[1]

[Albatross]

Vaillant's levels are:

    Level I - pathological defences (psychotic denial, delusional projection)
    Level II - immature defences (fantasy, projection, passive aggression, acting out)
    Level III - neurotic defences (intellectualization, reaction formation, dissociation, displacement, repression)
    Level IV - mature defences (humour, sublimation, suppression, altruism, anticipation)

Level 2: Immature

   This section needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (June 2013)

These mechanisms are often present in adults. These mechanisms lessen distress and anxiety produced by threatening people or by an uncomfortable reality. Excessive use of such defences is seen as socially undesirable, in that they are immature, difficult to deal with and seriously out of touch with reality. These are the so-called "immature" defences and overuse almost always leads to serious problems in a person's ability to cope effectively. These defences are often seen in major depression and personality disorders.

They include:

    Acting out: Direct expression of an unconscious wish or impulse in action, without conscious awareness of the emotion that drives that expressive behaviour.
    Fantasy: Tendency to retreat into fantasy in order to resolve inner and outer conflicts.
    Wishful thinking: Making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality
    Idealization: Unconsciously choosing to perceive another individual as having more positive qualities than he or she may actually have.[23]
    Passive aggression: Aggression towards others expressed indirectly or passively, often through procrastination.
    Projection: A primitive form of paranoia. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the undesirable impulses or desires without becoming consciously aware of them; attributing one's own unacknowledged unacceptable or unwanted thoughts and emotions to another; includes severe prejudice and jealousy, hypervigilance to external danger, and "injustice collecting", all with the aim of shifting one's unacceptable thoughts, feelings and impulses onto someone else, such that those same thoughts, feelings, beliefs and motivations are perceived as being possessed by the other.
    Projective identification: The object of projection invokes in that person precisely the thoughts, feelings or behaviours projected.
    Somatization: The transformation of negative feelings towards others into negative feelings toward oneself, pain, illness, and anxiety.

[PatienceGalore]

Thanks Albatross. One question, is it worthwhile forwarding such information to my H? would it help him understand what is going on, and help him along his journey?

[Albatross]

Thanks Albatross. One question, is it worthwhile forwarding such information to my H? would it help him understand what is going on, and help him along his journey?

I don't think that is good idea. First of all he probably haven't enough knowledge to follow what is here. And second of all he even that have knowledge he will be no able to understand. MLCers are driven by emotions. Also they are isolated from world into cocoon and they are so busy with self that they haven't any energy, concentration to explore and learn from outside.

[Searching4Answers]

Thanks Albatross. One question, is it worthwhile forwarding such information to my H? would it help him understand what is going on, and help him along his journey?

I don't think that is good idea. First of all he probably haven't enough knowledge to follow what is here. And second of all he even that have knowledge he will be no able to understand. MLCers are driven by emotions. Also they are isolated from world into cocoon and they are so busy with self that they haven't any energy, concentration to explore and learn from outside.

I completely agree with Albatross. Normally, my H is very logical, a thinker; we have had basic discussions about MLC that I would have thought would make him curious enough to look into for himself but he is still caught up in the emotions. His logical side is buried somewhere in him. He has been commenting on how he isn't as sharp as use to be and he doesn't remember things; it is an interesting development.

[PatienceGalore]

Ok, thank you for clarification. I will keep the info for me. My H is definitely acting on feelings at the moment: I don't feel anything for you, I miss OW, I miss my children, I don't miss you, I have not heard any rational explanation, it's just : I feel. Yes interesting.