[in it]

I love the comapny of men..although it's not a really gret example I always envied Shirley McClaine her "in" with those "guys" in Vegas ( way before my time though).

Just something casual and easy you could kind of be "in" with when you wanted to. Like some kind of boys club; to be accepted and not looked at sexually.

I always wondered what men talk about..I mean really do you guys ever talk about how to make relationships any better? Or is it all sports and hobbies etc?


What would you imagine this self confident man would do if his wife cheats on him, and tells him she doesn't love him and acts like a teenager?  My guess is that he would kick her to the curb and find a new wife.

Yep- only the last word wouldn't be "wife"..it would be "life".

[calamity]

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Building-Your-Mans-Confidence/-600469560326881601.html

What do you guys think about this??

Makes me think that being single and independent is far healthier than being married.

 

[in it]

http://www.howaboutwe.com/date-report/587-what-sex-means-to-men-6-deep-dark-secrets/
Anybody here want to give thier opinion as to if this guy has any idea of what he's talking about?
Again does any of this reflect confidence IYHO or help in anyway to instill it anyone here?

[Zendog]

That's so true. If you're about 25. Seriously the dude who wrote that has some issues and probably will have an MLC of his own in about 15 years. I hate articles like that.

As above was stated, a confident man would tell his wife who cheats and is no longer in love with him that she should move on. That's true from multiple perspectives. A confident man may hurt from those revelations but he's also not afraid of what the world has in store nor to be on his own or to take the challenges of fatherhood by himself.

A confident man also recognizes his shortcomings and is honest about them with himself and works on them. He's also not afraid to do what's right in his course of events whether that means standing for his marriage or throwing in the towel and moving on.

Confidence is many things. Mostly IMHO it's about not really caring what other people think say or feel about me. I'm good with me. That's all that really matters.

Yeah so that's the simple version. A 250 word article about how we base our confidence around sex doesn't cut it. I've gotten more confidence over things I've failed at sometimes than been successful in. It's what you learn from each that matters. And then the application to make you better.

[in it]

I'm impressed Zendog..very.

I think older men should write these articles. I think a lot of magazines etc are written and geared for younger people. That our generation somehow got lost in what is being dealt with now.

The exmlcer always refereed to himself as a dinosaur. I refused to buy into that. Just because you aren't twenty doesn't mean you give up TRYING TO HAVE a meaningful relationship or enhance it for yourself.AND your partner.

I know how sensitive ED is for most men. This drove me nuts as if a man really understood just how much women have the sensitivity need to help or support them to deal with this? They wouldn't feel so vulnerable.

I know it isn't all about sex but if that's a major way that men FEEL they can make a connection. Why on God's green earth would they deprive themselves of POSSIBLY being able to experience that again by exploring every avenue to do it?

[in it]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/30/mens-health-divorce_n_4018432.html

This is why the POSITIVE is so important right now for some of you.

[DaRealist]

I agree with Zendog for the most part although I do recognize there are other factors in play.  I just think things are different with MLC.  I'm more willing to fight for my marriage and my family knowing that her infidelity sprung from some other broken part of herself.  It's emasculating either way, MLC or not.  Infidelity tries to tell me that my wife doesn't think I'm "man" enough for her.  It's up to me to reject it.  Easier knowing she is broken.  I don't know how I would deal with it if she was in her right state of mind.

Below is a comment from another website (that has expired) that sums up how I healed from my wife's infidelity.  Well, maybe "healed" is the wrong tense.  Past tense would signify that my healing is complete when it is far from it.   

QUOTE
"The people in MLC just simply don't know who they are, and they have to get rid of everything to try and find themselves."


This is the correct statement...it is never a case of want...it is a case of knowing who they are....if you don't know who you are then how in the devil will you know what you want? This is why MLCer's behavior is so erratic...they don't know who they are, but they are out there searching for what they want...it is impossible. They try on different identities and the one that they use with the OM seems to work to get what they want...AND it is NOT sex...it is the attention...the feeding of their ego.

To answer Hurtmans' question about "dropping their panties for the OM"...they are NOT dropping their panties for the sex....or for the need or want of sex or the act...it is all the attention that leads up to it that feeds their low self-esteem...they take part in the sex act to ensure that their egos will continue to be fed afterward...if this doesn't happen and the OM dumps them...this is why the women are destroyed...they can't believe this would happen to them...they are looking for the self-esteem fix...not the sex.

They have convinced themselves that the OM was in it for the emotion too...but reality sets in and they discover it was all physical...they have been used. At least this is true in the majority of cases...there may be some who have other addictions connected to the MLC...and then the W may be trying to feed both. as for how they can do this at the expense of the H, the children and the life they have been living...because it is exactly that life with the H and the children that has been sucking them dry and depleting their self-esteem to zero...at least that is what they rationalized, justified and blamed has caused their problems...it isn't. It is never right...it is wrong...but in this women's mind she believes she is justified...she is so desperate and lost that she will do anything to feel better, whole, alive again...she will even risk her Marriage and children.

[in it]

This makes perfect sense to me.

This is why I try to express to men that it's an emotional thing for women to have sex where men tend to use it ( for want of a better phrase) for a release.

It relieves stress that's for sure for BOTH people. BUT when the switch gets tuned off emotionally it's simply a physical act for a woman.

When it's turned on ( the emotional end) the sex means a great deal BUT these particular men that "home in on" the idea of a conquest or whatever use that for the physical. That's why we get so destroyed by it. We were tuned in ; they weren't.

 I realize for men there pretty much has to require a physical ability in order for the act to occur so do woman have it a little easier in this department ..they SURE DO.

But believe me if you are having sex with an emotionally unplugged woman?

You might as well get a blow up doll it's going to be tuned in more than a woman who has pretty much gotten nothing emotionally in the way of communication from a man EXPRESSING HIMSELF TO HER about how THEY might be feeling. IMHO.

NOBODY is a mind reader.

[DaRealist]

You might as well get a blow up doll it's going to be tuned in more than a woman who has pretty much gotten nothing emotionally in the way of communication from a man EXPRESSING HIMSELF TO HER about how THEY might be feeling. IMHO.

NOBODY is a mind reader.

Yes.  This works both ways, though.  I wish my wife had expressed herself to me but she shut me out and eventually kicked me out of her bedroom and then her life, saying I don't understand her.  How can I understand when she deliberately made it impossible for her to be understood (by me)?  Hiding resentments and secrets then putting on a mask when you get home will pretty much guarantee that you won't be understood.

[in it]

This is true...did you ever get angry when she tried to express herself? Or dismiss it? Or tell her it didn't make sense?

 Did she ever not ever tell you how SHE felt?

If she didn't then you two had difficulty from the start in communication. If NOBODYS talking NOTHING is going to happen.

You have to think BACK before this bomb and how YOU may have acted that contributed to  communicating if there was any. This goes for us women also.

If we with held how we felt WHY did we do this?

 You must answer your own questions first you; KNOW the answers to those.