[Musica]

I read it that way T&L that is is all absolutely valid for missing mothers. I cannot ever in my wildest dreams imagine missing precious times with my daughters ... I really don't know how a parent can do that.


And how the kids deal with it always absolutely amazes me too, they are so brave ... well mine are most of the time. Just attaching to this thread friends, as my H is definitely missing much of the time.  xxx

[OldPilot]

  Or do you just mean that what we say about fathers applies to absent mothers as well?

Exactly, just looking at it from the mens POV here on the forum,
since I have no experience at being an absent father.

[calamity]

Something I read somewhere else made me think.  My d is 23 so I don't have the visitation issues.  I don't comment on this thread because above all, it's okay for me to put myself out there but I'm not comfortable messing with her privacy.  If I try to speak to her about her dad she is dismissive--she says she doesn't think of him much & avoids meeting him.  I don't think she can 'relate' to him at all.  All I can do is offer to talk & point out that if she needs it, counseling is available.

[kikki]

Absolutely Calamity.  There are great variables in what everyone has to deal with and wrangle, depending on the ages of the children.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have young children at BD, who are forced into spending time with the MLCer and the other person. 

At BD, my children were 12, 14 and 15.  With a clingy and very entitled MLCer, it all took a lot of discussion with the children, about ways to deal with him.  I was very grateful that they weren't even younger. 

[Slow Fade]

I can't imagine what it must be like to have young children at BD, who are forced into spending time with the MLCer and the other perso

My S was 9 at BD and is now 10. He is and always was adamant about NOT staying overnight at his Dad's house and he told me when his Dad introduced him to the ow behind my back. He is angry with his Dad and says his Dad makes him nervous when they are together. I think S10 is perceptive enough to know this isn't the Dad he always knew and loved.

Now H is blaming me for S10 not spending more time with him. Go figure. H doesn't think he has done anything wrong. We just had a "relationship breakdown." Everyone should be fine with it and hold hands and sing kum-by-a!    Dope!

[stayed]

But of course Slow Fade!  It is JUST a "relationship breakdown"... common as gum on your shoes!  DUH!!! 

hugs Stayed

[Lost]

Wow, that's a good one, yes, the relationship, IT just broke down, great, no people involved or hurt...

[OldPilot]

We just had a "relationship breakdown." Everyone should be fine with it and hold hands and sing kum-by-a!    Dope!

I think you should not forget what Kikki posted on page one.

His leaving wasn't about you, it was about him'

[stayed]

Agree OldPilot but I think the point Slow Fade was trying to make was this was not just a "RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN"!  Yes there was a breakdown, and yes, like you said, it had NOTHING TO DO WITH HER... but to say it was a R-Breakdown infers it was BOTH OF THEM, that they just couldn't make it together.  That's what has her banging her head against the wall.  Has everybody, actually. 

Knowing that this was not about us, definitely helps.  It makes it easier for us to encourage the children to have a RELATIONSHIP with the missing parent.  If we were concerned about what sort of people our MLCer has become, we would be worried about letting our children have anything to do with them, be left alone with them, or even be around them.  Knowing though, that this is THE MLCER's crisis, is in many ways a God send.  The children, can continue on building a relationship with the missing parent.  There are discussions we can have with our children to explain why the "missing parent" has left.  We can absolutely, positively assure the children, that their parent loves them and may not be ideal at the moment, but most likely will be in the future.  Therefore it is important that they continue to have a relationship with the missing parent... at least as best they can. 

I don't think Slow Fade was trying to drift away from the important fact that this is HER H'S CRISIS... not her's.  She's been around for a while now and was in fact making a joke out of it.  I think it is a good, healthy sign when we can see the funny side to this.  It shows that healing is beginning.

Hugs Stayed

[OldPilot]

EXACTLY - I agree

For some reason in the real world, people seem to assume that divorce is a two way street.
That it is a RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN, nothing can be further from the truth.

I never knew that it was NOT a two way street, until I got on these boards.

Sorry I missed the JOKE part.

Agree OldPilot but I think the point Slow Fade was trying to make was this was not just a "RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN"!  Yes there was a breakdown, and yes, like you said, it had NOTHING TO DO WITH HER... but to say it was a R-Breakdown infers it was BOTH OF THEM, that they just couldn't make it together.  That's what has her banging her head against the wall.  Has everybody, actually. 

Knowing that this was not about us, definitely helps.  It makes it easier for us to encourage the children to have a RELATIONSHIP with the missing parent.  If we were concerned about what sort of people our MLCer has become, we would be worried about letting our children have anything to do with them, be left alone with them, or even be around them.  Knowing though, that this is THE MLCER's crisis, is in many ways a God send.  The children, can continue on building a relationship with the missing parent.  There are discussions we can have with our children to explain why the "missing parent" has left.  We can absolutely, positively assure the children, that their parent loves them and may not be ideal at the moment, but most likely will be in the future.  Therefore it is important that they continue to have a relationship with the missing parent... at least as best they can. 

I don't think Slow Fade was trying to drift away from the important fact that this is HER H'S CRISIS... not her's.  She's been around for a while now and was in fact making a joke out of it.  I think it is a good, healthy sign when we can see the funny side to this.  It shows that healing is beginning.

Hugs Stayed