[Bailmor]

 I did it all, laundry, vacuumed, diapers, cooked , made lunches, ran the kids everywhere...and it didn't make a damn bit of a difference. Studies have actually shown that where a guy who actually does more in the home is more likely to get divorced by his wife.

The women who make these complaints almost never clue into the fact their husband is just as overwhelmed, probably stuck in a job he hates, but can't quit or they'll loose everything, then does all the yard work, home maintenance and daddy duties after work. On top of that he's supposed to be able to read her mind that she's angry about unimportant crap like litter boxes and garbage bags? It's all crap to cover up the fact she's just not happy with her choices , life isn't the fairy tale she thought it would be and she wants "a redo"

Braveheart, I can't begin to say that I am right there with you in this!  I did the same exact things in my marriage and it was not appreciated at all.    To me, there seems to be something deep inside our MLCers that keep them from accepting that marriage is a joint venture, not solo.  I hope that one day some woman will appreciate and respect that I will provide assistance and not be looked at or criticized for being who I AM deep down.  That is the way I was raised and I WILL NOT change who I am.  Not for anyone!  Like me for who I am, otherwise don't waste my time! 

When I got married, the priest told both my W and I that marriage isn't a 50/50 proposition, it's a 75/25, you give 75 and get 25.  Apparently MLCers aren't up on that percentage.  They want 0/100!

[Zendog]

It's all communication. The challenge is most people don't know how to communicate effectively. I tried to do what my W asked me, but invariable it was wrong in some fashion, or the rules changed. Now, whose fault is it? Hers for not communicating or mine for not listening? Both.

I mean it is super easy to get just completely bent out of shape when someone continuously leaves laundry in the dryer over and over and over again, and when you go to put a load in, well, here's a new level of work to do. Super. It took me a while to reason with myself that, hey, you know, she probably forgot. Not a big deal. Just let it go. And part of it is I wouldn't say anything specifically because I knew she was up to her neck in other stuff.

I had and still do have great empathy for what my W is going through. The funny thing is now I've detached a bit and I can see the depression. But I know it's not all about me. I'm simply not that effective to cause someone to be that depressed. I know I'm not easy to live with, but that's a whole other level of depression that even I can't cause.

Now, here's the challenge. If I'm not a good listener, how do a I see that when I'm busy being bent out of shape about the little things. And how does she communicate she's overwhelmed if she doesn't even realize what's overwhelming her (everything) but is just assigning blame. Which is where the whole idea of detachment and working on yourself is the what's the key. You can't communicate if you don't know what you want or what is really bothering you. I'm not bent because you forgot to put a trash bag in. I'm bent because I'm tired, stressed, doing all these things and that's what caused me to snap. Well, ok, let's work with that. How do we balance the workload better.

But communication requires two people talking to each other, not at each other or past each other.

[in it]

For Me? Rover hit the nail right on the head...you can't fill up someone elses's soul.

And yes it would be nice if we woman listed off the million things that might be stressing us..we just seem to think it's pretty obvious. So I'll hand you the communication is lacking part Zendog.

He had anger issues I just couldn't work with anymore. Always did..MLC just magnified it.

[elray]

Studies have actually shown that where a guy who actually does more in the home is more likely to get divorced by his wife.

I wish I had seen that study before I got married! 

I hope that one day some woman will appreciate and respect that I will provide assistance and not be looked at or criticized for being who I AM deep down.  That is the way I was raised and I WILL NOT change who I am.  Not for anyone!  Like me for who I am, otherwise don't waste my time! 

Exactly!  And if the right woman doesn't come along, well then, I guess we'll enjoy the journey of eliminating all the bad ones along the way.  Sort of a catch-and-release approach, I would say.    ;-D

[in it]

You got it Elray...play the card game GO FISH!!

[rover77]

I may be ill...  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rielle-hunter/apology_b_4100599.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

[limitless]

Rover,

My stomach is turning in circles right now, as well.

"Back in 2006, I did not think about the scope of my actions, how my falling in love with John Edwards, and acting on that love (definition - not my fault.  I "fell in love."), could hurt so many people. "

"Unfortunately, I was not thinking about anyone but myself. I was selfish. I fell in love with John Edwards and wanted to be with him and that desire trumped everything else."  (definition - not my fault.  I "fell in love.")

"I am a product of infidelity. Both of my parents cheated on each other, and as a kid it damaged me."  (definition - See!  Not my fault!  My parents damaged me.  So I went on to damage my child and my "lover's" children.  NOT MY FAULT!  I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER!.)

"I then grew up, fell in love with a married man, and caused even more damage." (definition - HERE WE GO AGAIN!  I "fell in love."  Can't help who you fall in love with, right?  NOT MY FAULT!)

"If I hurt you, I am sorry. It was not my intention, I was thoughtless and selfish, and I am sorry."
(IF!!!!  IF!!!! Really?  After all this, now she states "IF" she hurt anyone???)

That has to be the most unapologetic apology that I have ever read.

Yes. It makes me sick.

She makes me sick.

And, the sad thing is, she will make $$ on her book - all the while justifying her actions due to the fact that she "fell in love." 

Amazing.

L

[rover77]

affairs by definition are always selfish,destructive  and tacky but this one was heartless ,cruel and sleazy ..

[in it]

I read his book..well written... but the contents made me want to puke...

[in it]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201304/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends

Not sure how many women read this thread also but it's informative for both.IMHO.