[Battlefield]

Thanks New,
I don't really know if Good is the right word. H is still distant from me he seems to avoid me like the plague. This is the hardest part they leave have affairs and then they turn things around on u it's ridiculious. 

I have a question for anybody that can answer. I know that they withdraw from us when they go through the OW withdraw and he has he can b a little monster every once in a while, but do they feel like they did in the beginning. He is saying that the problem's now are between me and him and has nothing to do with OW. He said the ILYBNILU crap again. He said he came home to see if the feelings would come. Which I know is crap bc he made a point to me and his mom that he has wanted to come home for months but he wanted to make sure that he was 100% sure he wanted to come back to reconcile our marriage and he said he was then he comes back.
So is this a normal part of the OW withdraw bc man this is hard I feel like I'm back to the beginning some what?

Any help would b appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NewBeginnings]

Smitty ~ That has to be soooo hard.  Hugs for you.    That is what I don't know, if I could ever deal with my H coming home and
then once he's there, he's dreaming about OW.   I read somewhere that when they are with OW, they think of the wife and kids, and when they are with the wife, they think of OW.  I just feel like I have been through so much, not that H is or ever will want to come back, but if he did, I just don't know if I could handle dealing with OW withdrawl.  I don't think I could let him come back until
he was through that.  Thats just me.

I am sorry you have to go through this.  I don't have an answer for you because I'm only 8 months in this MLC crap.  I
will be praying for you and your H.  Take care.

NB

[Foxberry]

He said he came home to see if the feelings would come. Which I know is crap bc he made a point to me and his mom that he has wanted to come home for months but he wanted to make sure that he was 100% sure he wanted to come back to reconcile our marriage and he said he was then he comes back.
So is this a normal part of the OW withdraw bc man this is hard I feel like I'm back to the beginning some what?

Smitty,

Incredible!!!!  My H did exactly the same thing at Easter this year apparently.....he told our Son a month ago when they met up for the first time since May! that he came back to me to see if his feelings of anxiety went away and if they did he was meant to be with me....when, of course, S and me wanted answers and remorse, he decided (apparently) that it was easier to go back to OW as his feelings of anxiety hadn't gone away...when S asked him how do you feel now? H replied, I still have feelings of anxiety but "I'm VERY HAPPY"  yeah like!!!  I have had NC at all since July this year....

For now I believe it is best.....
Love and hugs
Foxy xxx

[Battlefield]

Thanks everyone,
 The good thing is he told me that he has had no contact with her for over 2 weeks. And I know he doesn't have those kind of feelings for her. I just know he is full withdraw from whole situation so I'm thankful for that and he said he doesn't want to go anywhere he is where he wants to b but it's hard to hear the rest although he has told his mom in the past that he wants to b with me I guess it's just part of the withdraw seeing as though we say maybe 20 words in a week and he just likes to sit outside or sit and play games on his phone. BTW I did check his phone to make sure their has been no contact and there hasn't been!!!

[justasking]

Smitty

He is frightened of the future and scared about what you feel and what he has done. His instinct is to run and hide back in the tunnel. He is hackering for the infatuation part of replay with OW and like all relationships the bad parts are getting lost in the fog.

Although he knows he wanted to come home the feelings of longing and msising the OW are throwing him off kilter but if he hasbn't made contact with OW that is really good.

Continue to give him space and time. Take all pressure off him and validate his feelings. Let him feel the peace and calm between you. Let him see the new you.

I know this is hard but each day is a new one.

xx

[Battlefield]

Thanks Just,
 The good thing is he knows about the rush bc he said he is a different person and he knew a while ago that he would think back to the beginning bc he wanted that feeling back, but he said he knows that the feelings in the beginning were not real and he said the other day that he is no longer looking for that rush which is good that he realizes the difference. That is a positive he said if this was 8 months ago he would of ran again but he is in a different place and he knows he is going through something. He said this has nothing to do with OW it's about him and I.
I agree I'm just going to keep to myself and do my thing and leave him alone.

[justasking]

He said this has nothing to do with OW it's about him and I

I think he is projecting his insecurities onto your new relationship.

IMO at the moment he is really craving that buzz and the further he gets away from it in OW withdrawal the harder it is for him. You know when you grieve each day is worse as you get further away from the one you lost. I think that is where your H is now. He is confused because he doesn't feel the infatuation hormones he felt with OW even though he knows they were wrong. As she gets further away from him he is panicking whether he has made the right decision.

I agree I'm just going to keep to myself and do my thing and leave him alone. Do you remember at the beginning when all you wanted to do was turn the clock back to make things better, that's where he is. Remember OP's squirrel and how you have to be still at times and quiet and then small steps forward. That's what you are doing. But don't forget to be approachable and friendly when he initiates contact.

I know this is so hard. When they come home we think life will get soooo much better and the work is harder.

xx

[Battlefield]

I hear you Just,
 The only thing I disagree with is that he is panicking if he made the right decision about OW, I know he know's he made the right decision about OW. He has told me so much about OW and how bad it was and the relationship he wanted out way back in April, he just felt so guilty. I do agree that he is confused about the infatuation feelings bc that was a big deal from day 1 he didn't understand why he didn't have those feelings for me anymore after 23 yrs. He has told me he knows that those infatuation rush is not real but I know since he is not feeling that infatuation with me he thinks he feels nothing for me. I do believe him 100% that it has nothing to do with OW.
Thanks for the advice Just about being approachable and friendly that is something I have to remind myself constantly!

[Battlefield]

Yesterday was pretty good When I came home from Church my  had did the backyard, cleaned the chairs in the living room cleaned the laundry room and hung up the Clothes line in the laundry room. That is good bc for the last 2 weeks he hasn't done much of anything except sit around, not talk and just play games on his phone. But sat evening and Sunday he was talkative engaged with the Family, and started doing household things that needed to b done. He even fixed our fountain in the front and made The water bright blue. That is stuff the old H would of def done he always took care of household stuff and loves his pond and fountain. It seems to b moving along and looking up every day!!!!

[Battlefield]

OK well today has not been so good. U know they come back and I know they are different and I know he is still not done with this Crisis, but if he stay's the way he is I wont b here I can tell u that. He does talk to me a little bit more but all he does is drink beer chew tobacco, and play those stupid games on his phone. I don't like this guy at all. That is the crap he did at OW's and it was great bc she is an alcoholic and she now chew's too. Isn't that precious!
Well I don't think so at all and on top of all that my D19 and her fiance are living here now and my H seems to be 19 also. My D fiance doesn't have a job he does nothing but make messes eat my food and play's video games. He's got to go and he will. but my H seems to really like him bc he think's my H is so COOL. Or bc my H gives him beer and lets him chew his tobacco. Well what H doesn't realize is bc he is now drinking the beer and chewing my H is not going to b getting more and blowing more money. I don't think so, The fiance is going and if H stay's this way so is he.
I am hoping and praying that this is for now and when he moves along in this Crisis he won't b this loser wanna be 19 year old alcoholic.
Not with me I want an adult not another child. OW can have him this way.
although h doesn't have anything to do with OW I would hope that he would stop acting like her too.