[Albatross]

Albatross, when a MLCer kills their persona which is their mask, what do they generally look like afterwords? I'm hoping for our family to be together again and I love my wife very much even though I don't know who she is right now. I wonder what she will be like on the other side of this. I fell in love with her, persona and all. I know this is not the real her. If what I have always known was not the real her either it is still the her that I married and started a family with.

As far as I know some permanently stay in crisis, some even commit suicide, but majority come trough crisis and generally their persona remain almost same as before crisis, but better then before. Means calm with inner balance, more alive and ofc out of depression. And they should become real personality.

31andcounting,

Thanks for the encouraging words and prayers! 6-7 years of this is a very sobering number. I am 1 year since recognizing the crisis and it seems like forever. I know that a MLCer is in a tunnel and I feel I'm in one too, just a different one. I feel sorry for my W and what she is going through, I know it is painful. The sad part is the things she feels will free her will, in the end, just bring more pain. 
I am so glad to hear your marriage is heading in a good direction! Can't get enough of those stories that keep hope alive.

Crisis start much, much before then spouse spot it. So, Your wife probably been in crisis couple years before you notice.

[I reckon so]

I can hardly imagine the joy of having my pre MLC wife back, much less the joy of having her back better!

[phantomstep]

Albatros... I am glad that you touched on the subject of mlc starting couple of years before BD, as it is something I have been thinking about lately. I can think back at least a couple of years in my sitch and remember my W saying silly things that only make sence now. Not to mention, I recently found out that she was saying silly things to her girlfriends long time ago about divorce and still being young (in a funny way). What I'm trying to say I guess is if you could explain a little bit more about that area of mlc. Is BD somewhere in the middle of mlc? Do you add up all the years before BD or start counting years after BD? Sorry if the question is silly, I'm still new around here (just 8 months) , but I have to say, thanx for this thread, I've been reading it when time allows.

[Albatross]

MLC in general is about 2 - 7 years. Replay average is about 2 years. BD is usually final flight and it is so far I know about 2/3 of the MLC.

[Snowdrop]

As far as I know some permanently stay in crisis, some even commit suicide, but majority come trough crisis and generally their persona remain almost same as before crisis, but better then before. Means calm with inner balance, more alive and ofc out of depression. And they should become real personality.

Hey Al, hows it going.

I still can't understand any of it, but wish I did, so keep reading.

but majority come trough crisis and generally their persona remain almost same as before crisis, but better then before. Means calm with inner balance, more alive and ofc out of depression. And they should become real personality.

Do they then stay with OW/OM, and think she/he was part of the "healing"

[Albatross]

Hey Al, hows it going.

I still can't understand any of it, but wish I did, so keep reading.

but majority come trough crisis and generally their persona remain almost same as before crisis, but better then before. Means calm with inner balance, more alive and ofc out of depression. And they should become real personality.

Do they then stay with OW/OM, and think she/he was part of the "healing"

I believe so. Because they believe two things that we are cause of their all problems, and their problems are because bad interpersonal relationship. So, they thinks is our fault why does not work, or we aren't their soul mate, so they project all bad on us and all good on OW / OM. They either hope that OM/OW are their "soul mate" and all problems with their interpersonal relationship vanished with OM/OW. Being with alienator they have to learn on hard way after trying that is because of their inner problems. Means they have to fall in those relationships and finally get it that is about them and their inner problems. Also they are regressed and they continue to develop self from point where they stop  developing self. So, I believe they learning on that way.

[OldPilot]

Do they then stay with OW/OM, and think she/he was part of the "healing"

NO as long as there is an OW/OM they are still in REPLAY.

They might never get rid of the other person and I have seen that, normally because the LBS has moved on, remarried and there is no other choice.

[I reckon so]

OP,

So the end of replay includes:

1) the falling apart of the relationship with OM/OW
2) them hitting rock bottom and being in overt depression
3) them beginning to look inward to identify their pain

Is this right? It makes sense that as long as the OM/OW relationship is good it serves as a medication against bottoming out and looking inward.

[31andcounting]

In my H's case, it seemed as though "while he was with/talking/involved" with OW he was not dealing with the issues he needed to deal with, within himself.  He was  still avoiding it all!!!    And at this point "he seems like his old self...but better.  For so long I felt as though he was never content, like he was searching for "something" looking outside himself for happiness......
MLC is a DIS-EASE  not a disease, does that make sense??
He seems more content right now, hope it continues
31andcounting

[OldPilot]

OP,

So the end of replay includes:

1) the falling apart of the relationship with OM/OW
2) them hitting rock bottom and being in overt depression
3) them beginning to look inward to identify their pain

Is this right? It makes sense that as long as the OM/OW relationship is good it serves as a medication against bottoming out and looking inward.

I would say that those are all possibilities.

Of course the end of the other person does not have to be the end of REPLAY or Escape and Avoid, they can just bounce off the bottom and keep looking for something else.

I would say this is especially true for low-energy MLC'ers