[Mamma Bear]

 Still Praying My H has been acting like a teenager for years. Only now can I put two and two together. I knew he needed a wake up call but this is ridiculous. Thank God God has a good sense of humor. I can't wait to see this play itself out.
  Fun House Mirror is distorting their view of each other. Hopefully.
   I only found out post BD that H had been interogating    D10 down the basement for weeks " I don't think Mommy loves me" and "Do you stop anywhere on the way to Sunday Dinner at my best girlfriend's house?"
  I thought mommy would have thrown a celebration party after I left
  He can't talk to me? He has to ask a 10 year old. Oh aw geez. That is wrong. Nothing we can do they are crazed and on the run!
  My best friend acts like I can tell him what to do and how to act around the Ds. I have stopped calling her so much. She doesn't get it. She gets it a little. Really expects him to act normal with Ds.   Good Luck. He's having a crisis. All rules out the window.

[Stillpraying]

I know what you mean MB. Mine has been acting a touch 'juvenile' for years also.  It's only now I see all those 'red flags' for what they were. 

As mine is a drummer, I hope he is not the one leading the MLC march!

I do remember mine asking me if I thought Hugh Jackman was the ideal man (or something to that effect).  I replied I thought he was pretty good and I remember H just sort of mumbling or ho humming.  I thought it was an odd question at the time but now I can see he probably didn't think I thought much of him.  Even when I did pay a compliment during the weeks before he left, he just ignored it.

It's amazing how mature our kids are through all this nutso stuff.  Their attitude and understanding amazes me!

[poussin]

Hello
My husband had this conversation with our son one week after BD: "Mom and Dad are separating, Dad will move to another place. Don't know where yet, but I'll find us an appartment where you can come on weekends and holidays. I will show you the world and show you everything there is to know. When you grow older, I will try to explain my motivations".
We are now 29 months after BD: H still has no place where he can take our S, our S never saw the world or did learn anything from his father. Fact is that my H spent about 10 hours with his S over the past year!!!!
Here are some excuses of Dad: work, work, work and S doesn't want to see me.
Last conversation they had together was in March 2011: there is no OW!
What must S think: why did he leave then?

Crazy!

Poussin

[Stillpraying]

Poussin
Given MLCer's have low self esteem, do you think they may feel they are not worthy enough to have children? 

The only thing then is that they forget that their children ARE worthy of having the attention of BOTH parents and they are denying them that.

[limitless]

My kids are older....21, 17, 17

I've told them about MLC, depression.

We rarely discuss it anymore.

When their Dad does something crazy....I just say that he is lost.

L

[poussin]

Stillpraying
I think my H tells himself it will be better, less confusing, less unstable…if he is not in his sons life. He must feel guilty over the abandonment. He probably feels his son doesn't want to see him. But often S does want to see him.
Poussin

[Musica]

My H told the girls (both aged 12 at the time)  that Mum & Dad aren't getting on very well, so I am going to live at Gran's for a while. Then he left, and they said ... can the dogs come in now? ... as he didn't like having the dogs in!! I told them about his OW as I decided to tell my friends and I knew they would find out or hear about it somehow, so I needed to tell them, before they heard it from someone else.

Now they know he is a bit crazy at times, they know he is sad and they know there's something wrong with him, and they feel he doesn't know how to love them ... they don't really want to spend time with him or talk to him. He doesn't know how to love anyone, and is very selfish and self-centred. MLC in the long dark tunnel, and the girls deal with it all better than he does.

[LettingGo]

Depression is debilitating. They can not EMOTIONALLY handle being with the kids for a multitude of reasons.... some being they don't feel WORTHY as they are so GUILTY. My husband CONFIRMED this feeling of not being able to emotionally BE with the kids for a long time after BD. Give it time and explain DEPRESSION to your kids.

[Anj]

Hello, I am new here.  I am 32 H is 35.  We have been together 13 years, married for 7.  I have an 18 yo step-son who does not live with us and a 3 yo daughter.  My H says this MLC has been going on for about 5 years now but it has only brought problems to us for about a year.  He started spending a lot of time with his new female "friend" about a year ago which caused many arguments.  This spring he started to really withdraw from me and our family.  He started sleeping in the guest room because he said it was too hot but when that changed, he stayed there.  He started working late or doing whatever he could to not come home until after we were asleep.  He refused to tell me what was going on.  He started putting this OW and her children ahead of his own family on a regular basis.  That of course sparked a lot of fights.  Eventually he told me he hates being at home.  The thought of even being here gives him so much anxiety he can't stand it.  He says I focus on the OW but that is just a small piece of what is going on.  He said he feels lost.  Then I noticed a bracelet the OW gave him was engraved.  I thought that was really strange and started another discussion about that.  That is when the BD happened.  He told me there was not a PA but that he had feelings for her.  He knows he is not acting like he should and he doesn't understand why something that feels so right to him would be wrong to everyone else.  He is not like a lot of the stories I am readying though.  He is being very nice to me and saying I am a great wife, he couldn't ask for better and a great Mom.  He was also open enough to say he hasn't told OW about his feelings because he is afraid of being rejected by her.  It is like he is using me as a friend to discuss how much he wants this OW.  On that topic, he mows her lawn, hauls her trash, fixes anything at her house that needs fixed, helps with her kids, attends all her kids sporting events (which in the past he told me he hated).  Goes to her kids parent teach conferences, talks to her X about child support.  She is 47.  I think she knows whats going on.  He says he just feels lost and he doesn't know how to fix it.  He mentioned dying and thinks that he could be doing more with his life.  He even mentioned the words MLC and that is what made me start researching it.
On to my question.  I have been thinking about GAL.  I just don't know how to do that with a 3yo.  Also he has abandoned her and his own son.  His son was here this summer and was totally shocked at how involved he was with those other kids but wouldn't even come home once the entire time he was here to spend time with him.  I understand how he could leave me.  I don't understand how he could leave his kids.  My daughter cries every night saying she misses her Daddy and she wants to know why he isn't home.  He won't answer the phone when we call if it is after business hours.  What am I suppose to tell her?  I have always been big on telling her the truth but now I don't know what to do.  I feel like he is going to change the person she could have been. 
Also in your personal opinion, does this sound like MLC?  Or just a selfish jerk that wants another women but is keeping me on the line until he can get things worked out with her?  I don't want to waste anyone's time if I have misdiagnosed him 

[Affaircare]

I am also a big encourager of telling children the truth, because if you do not, they will blame themselves and come up with MUCH worse.  However, since she is only 3yo, you would need to tell her in an age-appropriate way.  Remember, she does not have all the tools to cope and understand that you do!     So in my humble opinion, if she specifically asks (like "Where is Daddy?  Why doesn't he live here anymore?")  I would reply something like "Well sweetie, your daddy is at his apartment right now because I believe mommies and daddies should only love each other, and I think Daddy may disagree.  So right now, I miss him and I'm waiting for him.  Do you miss him too?  Want to wait for him together?"     This teaches her what YOU believe is right and wrong without necessarily speaking for your H; it tells her how you feel and what you're doing, and then gives her a chance to say what SHE feels and what SHE wants to do. 

I get it--she's only three--but this gives her a place where she is safe to express her fears and feelings, and that's pretty healthy, even at three.  And just to be clear, this is my own personal opinion and may not necessarily be anyone else's!  LOL