[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

It sounds like he could be cake-eating.

I definitely think that you should GAL.  Maybe on meetup.com there would be some folks around your local area that also have young children and are involved in activities which keep everybody entertained?  But yeah, you're right on target, you've got to get your H to see you are NOT just going to sit around and wait for him while he woos another lady.

I do not know for sure if this is MLC, has there ever been any infidelity on his part in the past, whether it was with you or some previous relationship?  He does sound like a jerk, but the MLC fog can take the kindest, most honorable people and turn them into a self-centered egomaniac who can't be bothered to consider feelings of their spouses, or kids.

[Shantilly Lace]

If he's not trying to maintain a relationship with you he's not cake eating.
Ummm others on here have said their partners have said the same and Dearheart has also said similar altho when monster comes out to play...

Don't think you've misdiagnosed him at all.

Tell your daughter Daddy feels bad inside at the moment and he's very sad. He still loves you but right now he's so sad inside he doesn't know how to show it. Tell her it's all right to miss him and when he starts feeling happy again you will see.

If she asks when just reply honestly that you don't know but let's do some things
To help make us happy.

[Shantilly Lace]

And just to point out you can gal with a 3 yo. I have 5 children not much money and can still do things.
I look at my council and newspaper and find free things to do with my children. I have never been one to go out much so most of my gal was to do with kids.
My gal includes starting to write again, craft, changing jobs (I know different for you) doing things I like. I have no family here to assist but I organise picnics in parks with packed lunch, going to markets and giving thengirls a couple of dollars each. 
Fun things for US is also galing. Let him turn up to an empty house. I do and my H is the ultimate Clinging Boomerang who I allow to cake eat. Just me not advised for newbies. Get strong and find things you like to do. Some start gardening others redecorate their house others get a pet. The list is endless the point of gal doesn mean going out  all the time GAL is to find you and what you like. If you're a homebody that's fine as long as you're happy being a homebody. GAL is about the life you would like and yes we know that includes your H but he's not present at the moment so pretend he's off overseas and you have a boarder in your house what do you want to do?

[LearningIamOk]

Welcome to the best place to be at the worst time in your life.  GALing can be done, but it just takes more planning than if you have older kids. I don't know if the organization Parents Without Partners still exists, but that could be a starting place for you.

Just remember that the stronger you appear, the better your D will be. Not an easy task. My kids are all young adults over 21yrs and the stronger and more self sufficient I got, the more they calmed down.

I would tell him that talking about OW to you is a taboo subject and you don't want to hear anymore. He is on the Mothership now. If you can go No Contact, since he doesn't seem to want to interact with the kids, it will be more beneficial to you not to have him flaunting OW in your face.

Just keep posting. This place is a Godsend. Also, look at Affaircare's website. Affaircare. com. It's has a lot of good info on how to deal with someone in an affair. The articles on the main site here need to be read more than once since they will mean different things at different times.

[OldPilot]

Welcome to the board.

You are in a good place.
Your H is on his own journey.
You can not do anything to control this trip.
Come here and read or vent, we will listen.
Give your H space, he needs to heal himself.

I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your WH as controlling or pressure.

Your need to start working on you.
There is nothing that you can do to help your H.

He has given you a gift.
It is time!!

Use the time wisely to make yourself a better person.
Look in the mirror to see what it is that you can improve.
GAL.

Read some books on depression. Both for yourself! And for H.
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.

Read the resources from this site.
The links that are in my signature.

Detach. - The single most important thing you can do

The detach link and HB's 6 stages of MLC located in the resources above.
Also there is a livestrong detach link that you can google or I will give you if you can not find it.

Keep posting and asking questions and we will try to answer them.

Knowledge is power

[Stillpraying]

Hi Anj,
Some of the things my (soon to be) 3yr old daughter and I enjoy are:
Play group *
Mainly Music*
Play dough (at home)
Drawing (at home)
Going to the park
Going shopping! (and having a milk shake at the shops)

*In Australia you can ontact your local community or maternal health centre, to find out about these local activities or others on the agenda.

Another thing I did with the bioys was swimming lessons.

My daughter is in childcare 2 days a week as I work 3 days.  On the other day she is with her dad.
We have been using mediation to develop a parenting plan.  So she also sees him on Sunday afternoons with her 3 older brothers (5,7,&9).

She cries when he leaves and this is getting louder and longer each time.  I let her cry and get it out.  I validate her feelings and give her a hug and remind her she'll see dad again on such and such day. (He takes kids to and from school / day care on 2 other days when I work)

The kids have also been through counselling / Play therapy.  That gave me a good insight into how she was coping and what I could do to help her.

Hope this gives you some ideas.

HUGS,
SP

[Anj]

Thank you so much for all the replies.  It feels good to know I am not alone.
I do need to go read the survivors guide again.  It was really helpful the first time and I am so glad I found this site!
I have learned my attitude really effects my daughter.  When I act like everything is fine, so does she.   This weekend she ask why H wasn't home.  I just told her he is sick.  That made sense to her. 
Also thanks for the GAL comments.  I realized I have a life.  So that is good    I was thinking I needed to do something sort of extreme to show H I was having fun without him or that I am an interesting person.  I have to remember it isn't about him, it's about me.
Next step, detach.  I have to read more about that because I am not sure how to accomplish that when it is the opposite of what I want to be doing.  It is still so hard to not want to do stuff for him, try to make him happy.
Also I have to remember not to want to rush the process. 
Thanks again!

[nlovemyfamily]

Having difficulty with loss of father or dad in my 3 adult kids lives.  Encouraged XH to go see Courageous.  He went alone and said it was powerful and causing him to do heavy soul searching.  But this is nothing new, he has pacified me many many times with these types of sentiments with no change.  He still lives with AP and her adult daughter while he has no relationship with his own kids.  They hold him to the high standards he lived before his A.  I have come to terms with loss of husband but just can't resolve the idea my kids will continue to use other family members as a substitute father.  How long will they be totally estranged? My son married a year ago and his father was a guest only at the wedding.  He now says he won't have his father in his life when he has his kids in the very near future.  Just struggling daily with this as I have the best example of a father and want the same for my kids.....he was that man before his A.

[StillStanding]

There's nothing you can do about that, unfortunately. The only thing you can do by getting involved is make everyone else unhappy.

Your H is a grown man and is responsible for his relationship with his kids, and vice-versa.

[kikki]

nlove - I am so sorry that this has been going on for so long.
I agree with SS, there is absolutely nothing that you can do.  Drop the rope and let go.  I completely understand how painful this lack of connection is between your xH and your kids.  It's bizarre, it's hurtful and it makes absolutely no sense.
There is NOTHING that you can do to fix this situation. 

Your job is to ACCEPT that this is your H's decision, and it is his 'bed to lie in'.  (I understand how it's not fair on your kids, but all you can do is make sure that they have a wonderful mother in their lives)
Big hug