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Author Topic: Discussion Therapy and MLC & Useful Insights or Tips Gained in Therapy (IC or Couples)

D
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Discussion Re: Therapy and MLC
#20: February 09, 2015, 04:59:12 PM
As much as this sight has been great i told my therapist at my final session I kinda wish I satyed ignorant. It would have been easier to just get angry and file for divorce. Now I "know" enough to understand what's going on with her just enough to hold out hope she may "figure it out". Will this just keep me wrapped up longer than I should be? Prevent my completion of the grief process?? Much like when someone dies expectidly after a long illness, family don't get to acceptance until after the actual death occurs. That's kinda how I feel now... Stuck in a wierd stage after bargaining but before anger. I accept my current limbo situation but not a divorce that is likely but hasn't actually been started.
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Re: Therapy and MLC
#21: February 10, 2015, 04:19:47 AM
Dj,

Very good point.  I never looked at it this way.
Maybe we would have been better off not knowing about MLC.

I mean it helps as far as not blaming ourselves and it helps to know we are not alone in this crazy situation but it also sets up a hope that we may not have had and just gone on thinking it was just a break down of a marriage.

Maybe we would be farther along with our healing and getting on with our lives.
Food for thought.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Therapy and MLC
#22: February 10, 2015, 04:36:59 AM
I don't know, I think knowing about this helps us let go of anger and bitterness in a healthy way.  If we used our anger to get over this we might not really heal.  We could be part of the population that gets out there, moves on to someone else, and repeats harmful patterns. 
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D
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Re: Therapy and MLC
#23: February 10, 2015, 05:15:00 AM
Bipolared - I agree... But I'm having a hard time getting to the anger stage. My w cheated, that pisses me off. But I feel like I'd be getting angry at someone for getting sick. I'll probably get there once she starts and finishes the divorce. That will be the point where I will truly let go of any reconciliation possibility. That will be the end for me. Until then I feel stuck.
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Re: Therapy and MLC
#24: February 10, 2015, 06:37:02 AM
Dj,

I think you are absolutely right!  It like getting angry with a sick person.

I did, over these past 4 years, felt some anger but it was fleeting.
I thought I'd be angry when the D was over, but it never happened.  Maybe if I saw him really happy and content I could feel anger, but all I see is a hurting, broken person.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Therapy and MLC
#25: June 04, 2015, 05:05:13 AM
Quote from: barbiedoll on February 07, 2015, 03:44:56 PM
I also need to add.. I went and seen a lawyer and told him the story. He said " come back in 6 months.. i see alot of men fall apart at this age, do nothing legally that you cannot undo  ". He gave me some legal advise as well, charged me nothing... and i did not need to go back in 6 months  IMAGINE ?


I was reading back through this thread and wonder how I missed this.  Just like Barbie's lawyer, I had set up a meeting with a mediator.  The mediator talked to my husband and then called me back.  The mediator told me that he would not work with us.  He told me that my husband was in no way shape or form capable of dealing this this sort of thing at the moment and he would not be any part of taking advantage of a person.  Meaning that I would be able to take my husband for all that he is worth and my husband wouldn't bat an eye - yet a few years from now he would wake up and wonder what the heck happened.  This MLC is pretty darn scary stuff if you really think about it. 
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V
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Useful Insights or Tips Gained in Therapy (IC or Couples)
#26: April 06, 2016, 08:18:08 PM
Has your therapist said something about MLC that you found:

Useful
Validating
Instructional
Or otherwise helpful?

I wanted to start a little thread so we could share our feedback about what might work or not work when it comes to understanding and dealing with MLC in the context of therapy.

I know many people have had unhelpful experiences with therapy, but is there something that has worked? If so, under what circumstances? Has your therapist pointed out anything that helped give you clarity or struck you as oarticularly insightful?

I will share below as well.
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« Last Edit: August 11, 2016, 03:32:55 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Useful Insights or Tips Gained in Therapy (IC or Couples)
#27: April 06, 2016, 08:37:50 PM
Wow looking forward to reading these posts ty Velika
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c
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Re: Useful Insights or Tips Gained in Therapy (IC or Couples)
#28: April 06, 2016, 10:13:56 PM
Mine said, 'he is certainly having some kind of crisis!' [meaning she may not call it mlc or subscribe to the theory of 'mlc' but he is in crisis]. 

Also 'does he know what a train wreck he is?'  Doesn't help the situation.  Made me feel better.  :)
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C
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Re: Useful Insights or Tips Gained in Therapy (IC or Couples)
#29: April 06, 2016, 10:46:19 PM
Quote from: calamity on April 06, 2016, 10:13:56 PM
Mine said, 'he is certainly having some kind of crisis!' [meaning she may not call it mlc or subscribe to the theory of 'mlc' but he is in crisis]. 

Also 'does he know what a train wreck he is?'  Doesn't help the situation.  Made me feel better.  :)

Wow! Even therapists are using the script...yet don't believe in MLC!  ::)

Thanks Velika, looking forward to some interesting posts!  ;)
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