[toomanytearss]

I wish I'd known this earlier when I was having to hear that crap everyday. 

Filing it away with the rest for future use.

[kakt]

What exactly is fishing? I'm still new to all of this ? Last night I mentioned that either this weekend or next that my friends and I are planning a girls night out. We are splitting a hotel room and just going for dinner and dancing just girl fun. (my sister in law and brother are having some marital issues as well). So then he texts me back and says " Right on, that would be fun! Bring some guys back to the room" and I said "It should be fun and no boys allowed! Girls night!" and he said "Booze involved and boys could be welcome" so I just "Um nope, that's not who I am" then he just went on to say he was just kidding.........is that fishing???

[Anjae]

Fishing = looking for information.

[nah]

To be fair, I think mine is one of those that if I had divorced him right after BD his crisis would had been shorter. No more need for him to keep trying to nag me. Or maybe given the world he got himself into the crisis would be as longer. But my life would have been very different, especially money wise, if I had divorced him on the spot. The biggest mistake of my life was to think OW1 was a brief affair and not run into a lawyer as soon as she was made public.

Anjae, I was one of those who packed his bags and filed the week of BD.  He stalled and stalled but the courts and ow pushed so now we are divorced.  I often wondered if I didn't file that he wouldn't have been pushed into ow arms.  We can't second guess at this point.  What happened, happened and if it is meant to be, they will come back.

[SSG]

To be fair, I think mine is one of those that if I had divorced him right after BD his crisis would had been shorter. No more need for him to keep trying to nag me. Or maybe given the world he got himself into the crisis would be as longer. But my life would have been very different, especially money wise, if I had divorced him on the spot. The biggest mistake of my life was to think OW1 was a brief affair and not run into a lawyer as soon as she was made public.

Anjae, I was one of those who packed his bags and filed the week of BD.  He stalled and stalled but the courts and ow pushed so now we are divorced.  I often wondered if I didn't file that he wouldn't have been pushed into ow arms.  We can't second guess at this point.  What happened, happened and if it is meant to be, they will come back.

Right there with you Anjae....I also packed his clothes up the day he left. Though I know he is not happy, he has destroyed everything he worked for and his reputation along with it.  I thought it would not last this long, but now I believe he has resigned himself to his fate and it may be years, if ever, he wakes up.

Some of my talks with him before he dropped off the planet in May: (Said in a neutral, caring voice)

"You need to take care of yourself, because she is not interested in your well-being. She is only interested in what is good for her"

"Open your eyes H....because it will not be long before you fall down the rabbit hole without a ladder to get out."

"I will be the only one in your life who never gave up on you.  When she is done, you will be out on the street, no friends and no home to go to."

"You realize you are doing so many things against the law in reference to me, this house, our rental apartments....no one else would have been this nice or patient with you H....but I at least deserve to be treated with respect.  I think I am owed that much.  And I don't see that you are giving me even that."

His response to all of these, looking at the floor, in a reserved, soft voice..."Yea I know, I know." 

When he and the $lut came here one day, when I was gone and took a bunch of things (totally illegal in Germany), some of those things were mine.  I have texted him 3x on Viber asking for them back, said I will not ask again.  His one response was "You will get them"  That was 2 months ago

Those are just a few I can remember.  I stopped trying to help.  I have not heard from him since early May.  Even though agreed upon, he gives me no support.  Time to play hardball. I tried to be fair and it got me no where.  I have gone NC for now.  Contact brought me absolutely nothing...so we see how it goes the other way.

Funny thing will be, once I start this ball rolling, he will exploid and rant how badly I am treating him...just waiting for that phase to show its face.

SSG

[TopsyTurvy]

A while ago when we were talking on the phone and he was complaining about lack of money, I just said "its your choice" on more than one occasion..... He just agreed with me.

Lately in texts I just ask him to "afford me some respect"......its like talking to the children when they were younger.

I prefer no contact, its better than all the butterflies and panic attacks that seeing his name flash up on my phone causes me.

[SSG]

Lately in texts I just ask him to "afford me some respect"......its like talking to the children when they were younger.

I prefer no contact, its better than all the butterflies and panic attacks that seeing his name flash up on my phone causes me.

I told mine in May...that I have been more than nice in this mess and after 17 years of being there for him...the least he could do is treat me with respect...I think I have earned that much.  He agreed and then vanished...  it is then I finally decided No Contact.  I am right there with you TT... 

[Back_to_me_plus_2]

Wow Kikki,

I've just been reading a lot of your posts tonight because I noticed you posted about dissociative identity disorder earlier. A lot of what you are understanding of MLC is exactly the direction I'm heading. Well, I am going to talk to a psychologist about my journey in all of this to try and make sense of it all.

This last post about Manipulation Tactics really relates to what I've dealt with for years as well.

I may be leaving this list because I cannot invest in it right now. But feel free to message me privately, and maybe we can keep in touch via email or facebook, if you want.

Take good care.

[gillies9]

try repeating any questions and add a pause and say let me think about that , first it shows your listening second it after pausing it seems to throw them off balance and gives u time not to reply in haste so they can pounce especially when the want to monster.

[kikki]

Good idea Pascale. I can see that being effective.

Backtome - My H is one of the more 'out there' MLCers, and so I (and Ready2 and Anjae) all went searching for further information to explain the extreme changes.
Such the polar opposite of who my H used to be.
I still can't quite work out if their manipulation is new, learnt behaviour, or whether it is due to the fog of the depression.  Some things we still just don't understand and are hoping that research is done on this dis-ease some day. 
It's desperately needed.

Glad you're talking to a psychologist for yourself.  I did the same, and it was helpful - even if none of them had experienced, or had any knowledge about this midlife malady. They tend to call it late manifestation of bipolar disorder (the jury is out on that).  It was one that mentioned the dissociative disorder to me.
Let us know how you get on and you're welcome to PM me any time too.