[Venus]

Wow, thank you for sharing that insight from your friend, re-iterates that MLC takes TIME - it took him 6 years to crash..... 
I look forward to reading part 2.

Love & Light
Venus

[stayed]

Thanks for writing this Moment.  My h and I have been reconciled for 8 years.  I had the feeling what he had experienced was something like what you wrote, but he has never really EXPLAINED it... at least not like you did. 

I knew the experience was HELL THOUGH!  I've never been able to really feel the empathy though.  I honestly understood that none of this was about "me", but I just couldn't understand how he could let so much damage crash around him and do nothing to stop it.  I felt all along that he knew what he was doing was wrong, but rather then NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP, I felt HE DIDN'T WANT TO STOP it!  Perhaps, it is a bit of both eh? 

I am going to have my h read this and see what he thinks of it.  I wonder if my h's guilt and ability to not "forgive" himself, is because unlike you, he did not pay the ULTIMATE price and lose his "friend/lover/wife".  He managed to hit rock bottom and cry for help before I had completely moved on.

Thank you for posting this.  Like the others I will be awaiting the 2nd. part eagerly.

Hugs Stayed

[HeartTattoo]

Thanks for posting this, moment,

The beginning of this story seemed so generic, everything we tell ourselves everyday on this forum, that it almost seemed to be one of those nonfiction accounts where the names have been changed & experiences amalgamated to teach a lesson or tell a better story.  The skeptic in me kept saying "is this for real?" or just someone putting in "real story" form everything we try to convince each other of every day.

By the end, the "crashing in depression" part began to tell us something new.  Like L & others here expressed, how does this actually happen?

It is very unfortunate that MLC takes so damn long, because for some of us to truly "move on" there will no longer be room for the MLCer when he finally awakens.  Too bad many of them don't comprehend this until it is too late.

For those of you (including myself) who think that the OW (especially an OW who has been around for quite a while) - will somehow "work out".....this post clearly explains it.  He woke up with a complete stranger laying beside him. 

She was a welcomed distraction and nothing more.  This really doesn't say much about the OW.   This screams VOLUMES about what the MLCer is feeling and thinking.  This person is of no importance.  A welcomed distraction and nothing more.

Yes, L, it really is devilish that MLC nearly always involves infidelity, because we are so distracted by it.  How can we not be?  It tears our hearts out, veins & arteries trailing behind, our lifeblood draining away.  We focus so much time & energy on the OW.  We analyze her, her motives, her traits.  Somehow, in some way, she has to be better than us, have something for our H's that we don't; why else would he be there, stay there for so long?

Here, once again is confirmation.  Yes, she is a distraction, yes, they have good times together, yes they live a "life" together, but ultimately, the OP is not the solution, they are not the one the MLCer loves, they are not the one the MLCer realizes that loves him.  In the end she is truly nothing.

[Yoyolove]

Attaching to continue reading.

[Lanzo]

Wow, thank you for sharing that insight from your friend, re-iterates that MLC takes TIME - it took him 6 years to crash.....  I look forward to reading part 2.

Love & Light
Venus

I picked on the long timescales as well.

Count me in for part 2 .

Lanzo

[i can and will cope]

thank you for sharing this I really needed to read something like this to realise i am not stupid at all thinking my h is having a mlc

cant wait for part 2 hugs to you and your friend x

[summer90]

Thank you so much for posting this story.  It is incredibly generous to help so many grieving LBS's who just want their husband/wife back.

I was totally amazed, but not surprised by the story.

It would be interesting if we could gain some knowledge about anything that could or would have helped the crisis, or memories of things loved ones said or did that stuck in the mind of the MLCer during the crisis that may have helped move the process along.

Does the former MLCer recognize the significance of past family of origin issues in the crisis?

It appears from the story that nothing would have helped?  And no, forum members, I am not trying to fix the MLCer, just understand what's in their head

Really looking forward to part two.

[CallanG]

Thank you for posting , it is so helpful to read stories from people who have been through it.

Callan

[serenity]

It also helped confirm to me that however I had handled things with my H that we would have still had the same outcome!

I have often worried that I handled the situation badly with my H before he left and have often believed I should have just let him do whatever he was going to do and not try to stop him. So thank you, at least I know now I'd still be on my own! I could never have changed his destructive path.

X

[LisaLives]

MLC can take a LONG time.  If he woke up six years later, and spent two years in recovery, think about the fact that this was a very high energy MLCer...  Not having sustained this kind of life before, how long could he PHYSICALLY run that hard and fast?  What about our less energetic MLCers, the ones who creep along, and never have that endorphin crashing, adrenaline fading WTF hangover... how long do they take?  Ten, fifteen years?