[ForeverHopefulOne]

Thank you for starting this thread, M&H.  I am feeling very strongly today that I just want to give up; get the divorce, buy him out of the house and be done with this nightmare.  I hate the little bits of hope that are fed to me with his txts and msgs, but then to be swept away like these things were never said!  I know that I need to keep zero expectations, but how can you not have a little hope when your spouse tells you things that they know you want to hear?!?!  I have been told many times that I shouldn't take the crumbs that my H throws down, and, for the most part, I don't - I guess this time, I let myself get wrapped up in his drama.  Lesson learned!

Honestly, the only reason that I am holding on, is the fact that he is SO CONFUSED and overwhelmed right now.  I know that this isn't my H; I know that this is someone that has taken a path that is heading for disaster; but, does he know that?  Will he ever know that?

Ugh!  Really feeling it tonight, folks!

xoxoxo

[stillhere]

Great thread.  I'm still thinking about why I am standing.  It's always very hard.  I know in the past two weeks on two occasions it occurred to me to just give up.  The first time was easier to overcome as it was due to extreme sadness and grief.  What I saw yesterday in my H was scary and truly made me wonder if any of the old pieces of him exist.  I think I'm seeing the real monster for the first time and it was out in quiet, full force for the second time.  I don't know what brought me back to standing except that I remind myself of my vow to him--for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  I also had this momentary thought last night of the two of us, much older,  together, holding hands, and laughing.  At first it made me sad that he says that will never happen and that dream is dead.  Then I realized that is CAN BE a vision of the future.  That is what I will work towards--making the vision happen. 

[Flowerpower]

"I look at him now with disgust and I feel sorry for him, but sort of like a bug that's gotten a broken wing, I could step on him or move him to the shade and give him some water. Either way would suit me just fine."

M&H,
i like this, it really illustrate exactly how i feel about my H!! love the bug bit too...yeah, i do see him as a bug right now!!! LOL. (sorry still haven't figured out how to quote!!)

i've been thinking about why i am standing as well....i'd like to say i'm standing bcos i love my H very much, n i promised to stay with him thru thick n thin....that's all true, but i think mostly it's because the alternative is kinda scary right now!! i remember reading on another thread that we stand because it cushions us from the pain, and i can relate to that as well...

i too, oscillate between being fed up and hanging on....

[Love being on higher grounds]

great thread M&H!

Even with what I am dealing with at this very moment...my belief in us and our children overrides everything else.

I should be so angry and really not give a damn, but I deep down still worry about him. He is the father to my children, they need him, he, at one time was my best friend, I would like to have that again.

I dont know what is driving him to behave like this, I only wish it could end...

L

[Still]

Why do I stand?

I stand because I know that this person who comes home each night is not the same person I have known for over 20 years.

I stand because I want my children to know that love is unconditional and that sometimes marriage takes work.

I stand because I came from a broken home and know how painful that was.

I stand because God hates divorce and calls me to continuously forgive my H's remarks, attitude, and actions.

I stand because I vowed to love my husband until death.

I stand because I know that my H is in far more pain than I am and will need my support when the walls crash down on him.

I stand because I know that throwing away our family is not really what will bring my h happiness.

[Love being on higher grounds]

still,

I know for me, I couldnt have said it any better. Your statement really sums it up.

hugs,
L

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Still, I am printing that out and putting it up on my wall!!!

Thank you for that!  That is what I needed today.

xoxoxo

[kie]

"Somedays I am standing for their father, somedays I'm standing for the person I knew, somedays I'm standing for the person he "could" one day be and somedays I don't feel like doing this anymore".

This is exactly what I am feeling Buggy31.

At first I was certain that my XH would be coming back but as time passes by I wonder will he ever? My greatest wish is my family all together again, my children their father back etc. But how long wil it take? It could be years. It's now almost two years and I am divorced since February 25th. He did all that so he is certain. There was never a sign that he doubted his choices. The few times I have seen him in almost two years he always cried, that was the only sign that he was in turmoil. I read your stories and every time there is some sort of contact, in my case there is none. When he comes back he will be "broken" and I don't know if I can handle that. I like strong men, weak men annoy me. I don't know, after two years I am still very confused and my thoughts are still all over the place. Sometimes I am certain he will be back, other days....

[MarkedandHealed]

Still, thank you, wonderful post!

Kie, I totally agree about the weak, broken man thing. What if it was a temporarily broken man, can you put up with it then?

[Courageous wife]

Why do I stand?

I stand because I know that this person who comes home each night is not the same person I have known for over 20 years.

I stand because I want my children to know that love is unconditional and that sometimes marriage takes work.

I stand because I came from a broken home and know how painful that was.

I stand because God hates divorce and calls me to continuously forgive my H's remarks, attitude, and actions.

I stand because I vowed to love my husband until death.

I stand because I know that my H is in far more pain than I am and will need my support when the walls crash down on him.

I stand because I know that throwing away our family is not really what will bring my h happiness.

Perfectly sums it up!  I also want to add that I have known since H and I started dating that he was the ONE for me!