[kie]

Well M&H, I really don't know. The last weeks of him home it looked like he would go psychotic and all I could think of were two thoughts: when he crashes dial 911 and I have to get rid of him..so, it would depend in which state he is in..but that are worries for a future far far ahead of me...

[Mermaid]

I oscillate between different positions. H fell off the pedastal I'd put him on some time ago, and now I see him as is is. I don't mind if he's weak sometimes, we all are. Showing our fagilities is a strength; I know how truly fragile a person is underneath if they only show strengths, like H as a perfectionist, always sure, always in control, supremely intelligent/ educated.

Sometimes I feel angry. I don't deserve to be treated this way, I deserve better.
Sometimes I think "I don't need him. I'm completely independent. Why should I stand?"
Sometimes I dream of our future together. Holding hands, enjoying all the things we have in common.
Sometimes I lose hope.

I hang on for the kids, for the family, for the belief in who H is, for what I can give him, and what he can give me. I don't know if he will crash into depression and withdrawal, he seems to be getting happy without me.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

I also want to add that I have known since H and I started dating that he was the ONE for me!

Me too, CW!  I had NEVER felt what I felt when I met my H.  I knew that he was the one when our eyes first met.  I felt something deep inside me that was incredible!  That was 15 years ago this Wednesday.

[MarkedandHealed]

I was listening to a weight loss podcast and this woman has changed my life. However, I thought this may actually be of interest to many of you. This is about weight loss, but it's oh-so important to us here in the MLC journey as well.

http://www.learnoutloud.com/Podcast-Directory/Self-Development/Goals/Inside-Out-Weight-Loss-Podcast/30281

If you listen to episode 16 - around at 12 minutes - that's where the relevant information starts. If you listen to the whole thing, even better.

She makes an interesting point that letting go seems to be an important component to realizing your dreams and manifesting your destiny. That those who demand change seem to suffer the most. She says the difference between being attached and letting go is that one is demanding for change and the other is an invitation for change.

Interesting point - like, she mentions - did you ever know a couple who tried and tried to have a baby, and finally gave up and adopted, only to get pregnant? I have.

She gives homework at the end of each podcast, and the homework here is to visualize yourself with the thing you want just before bed, and then visualize yourself without it - AND visualize yourself being OK without that thing.

Letting go.

Let me know if anyone listens to it and if you like it.

And if anyone is looking to lose weight, it's a wonderful program. It's changed my whole world.

[Mermaid]

I'll def look up this link when I get a chance!

[ForeverHopefulOne]

I listened to it, M&H, it makes total sense.  Funny, she mentioned "the secret" in the podcast; my H was so into that for a while!  Her voice is very soothing too.

Thanks for the post.  I will be listening to her again and again.

xoxoxo

[Trustandlove]

What Still and Mermaid say states it exactly.   

I do wonder if my inner "fixer" is working overtime, however.  If it's because I just haven't let go enough.   And I wonder if my "knowing" that we were meant to be is my wishful thinking. 

But then I keep thinking to how I myself took a very wrong turn in life when I was university age, how I dug my self in deeper and deeper, but finally did come to my senses.   And I also think that just going out and "finding someone else" would be a childish reaction, rather than an adult response. 

This morning I was overcome with a sense of "this HAS happened" -- can't be changed.   It's taking me longer than it "should" to accept it, but I guess that's part of the 'journey'. 

 

[Mermaid]

  And I wonder if my "knowing" that we were meant to be is my wishful thinking. 

I've thought the same thing. The thought that "we ARE meant to be together" has come to me when I've been at my lowest, like a bright light warming me from within, it feels strong, true and comforting.

Then I wonder whether I'm really in denial.

[Trustandlove]

I wonder the exact same thing.  I don't think there is an answer, though.  I remember reading RCR's article on denial vs acceptance, that table she wrote, and it helped here. 

[Still]

I know what you mean about what if it is "wishful thinking". I just don't think that is the case. I think we have some innate knowledge of the fact that things will work out in the end for our marriages. That doesn't mean that the marriage won't be legally severed or the road won't be bumpy, but I think we are given "spiritual" insight about these things. ....or maybe that is just further wishful thinking...