Skip to main content
Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8 9 ... 15  All   Go Down

Author Topic: Mirror-Work Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Mirror-Work Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#60: January 07, 2018, 09:27:07 AM
After I went back post divorce (before the last DV incident) there was a brief spot where maaaybe he expressed some regret?
He started talking out of the blue one day about how once years ago there was a minor he put his hands on and got ticketed and he also said "And I hit you too" I saw no remorse there. It was more like a confession or acknowledgement.He didnt apologize or anything.
However he didnt mention choking his supervisor at work and losing his job.
This was near the end of the year and eight months I was there

I dont think abusers are ever really sorry..just sorry when they get caught.
  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
P
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 538
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#61: January 07, 2018, 09:49:59 AM
Quote from: in it on January 07, 2018, 09:27:07 AM
I dont think abusers are ever really sorry..just sorry when they get caught.

Init, I have read this in so many places. It's just hard to understand it.

Hugs
  • Logged
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 16546
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#62: January 08, 2018, 04:06:57 PM
Quote from: in it on January 07, 2018, 09:27:07 AM
I dont think abusers are ever really sorry..just sorry when they get caught.

Depends. We have not reconnected.  Mr J is really sorry. Maybe because for him it was so out of character. So far, the abuse is probably the one MLC thing Mr J is truly sorry of.
 
A man who has abused his wife/partner while he was/is in MLC, is different from someone who has always abused his wife/partner.

Quote from: iwantoffthisride on January 08, 2018, 03:50:55 PM
They took photos of injuries. Is he crazy???

Right now, yes. He is having a MLC. Logic does not enter his head.

Quote from: iwantoffthisride on January 08, 2018, 03:50:55 PM
I am told H says he is willing to get help, do what I want. Well......that would have to start with telling the truth.

Yes, it would start with him telling the truth. Since he is not doing it, whatever he says cannot be trusted. Actions, not words is what matter. Still, if your husband truly desires to get help, he can do it afterwards.

Quote from: iwantoffthisride on January 08, 2018, 03:50:55 PM
What am.i to do??

Tell the truth.

Quote from: iwantoffthisride on January 08, 2018, 03:50:55 PM
My ultimate goal is the family together and healthy. So I don't want to endanger that.

And how do you plan not to endanger that with an abusive husband? Do you really want to cover up for him, not going to testify? You can chose not to do it, but how is that going to be of help to you, your marriage/family, kids and husband?

Yes, it is horrible. But what your husband did was also horrible. It was him that put himself and you in that situation, not you.

You have your lawyer and victim advocate, let them do their job. They have handled cases like this many times before. They know what to do.
  • Logged
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#63: January 08, 2018, 04:23:28 PM
Tell the truth. If his story keeps changing he's lying.
  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
b
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 432
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#64: January 08, 2018, 06:55:03 PM
I Want Off: As Anjae and In It say, Tell the Truth.

But I don't want you to freak out when your husband denies what he did to you. I think he really and truly believes he did not hurt you. He is very sick. If you are called on to testify, I know it will be so hard for you, but you are strong and tough and you can do it. You will be protecting yourself and getting the help your husband so desperately needs. Don't worry about his future employment. It's way beyond that now.


  • Logged
b
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 432
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#65: January 08, 2018, 07:13:16 PM
Your husband promises he will get help, but if he is not forced to, he won't. In court, if you can, demand that he be seen by a neurologist at a university hospital who specializes in young-onset dementia. The neurologist will rule out psychiatric disorders, vitamin deficiencies, masses, small strokes, and frontotemporal dementia. How strange is it to say, but the ball is in your court!

You will be fine, I Want Off.
  • Logged
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#66: January 09, 2018, 04:14:32 AM
That's one of the reasons I didn't call the cops it would effect his ability to get a job. Please don't worry about that.
Stay strong

  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 24016
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#67: January 09, 2018, 04:45:56 AM
Iwant,

I so agree with the others.  There are consequences for actions.  You just tell the truth.  You did nothing wrong.

I would think if his lawyer is smart, beings there is evidence and witnesses, he would tell him to plead guilty but promise to get court ordered therapy, in lieu of it being on his permanent record.  I mean it is a first offense, sometimes their easier on them.  That way the judge may not put it on his permanent record and agree to the terms.

It would show he is taking responsibility for his actions and is willing to get help.
It could be a win win situation for him AND your future together.

If he lies and pleads innocent then all the evidence will put him away.  I would think his lawyer isn't stupid enough to take that chance.

Iwant, I think if your H gets the help he needs he will understand why you told the truth.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 24016
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#68: January 09, 2018, 06:42:12 AM
Oh yes, that may work. 

Let us know what the attorney says.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 24016
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#69: January 09, 2018, 07:12:40 AM
Well what ever you do Iwant, don't worry about him, just get information and run everything by your DA people.  They've been through this all before.  They can steer you in the right direction.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8 9 ... 15  All   Go Up
 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.