[limitless]

Link to old thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0

First thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0

Thought it was time to start a new thread.

I had a conversation with my dental hygenist today.  Really nice young gal.  Been going to her for some time.  Over the years I have shared with her my experience with my Ex.

Today she shared that her Father left her Mother when she was 16 years old.  (Got involved with Mother's best friend...so typical).  She and her brother lived with their Father until they went out on their own.   They refused to have anything to do with OW.  Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.  14 years!  He never lived with her.  They kept separate homes and separate lives.  She wasn't welcome with HIS family.  OW used to send her Christmas gifts and cards - but my hygenist wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

Her Mother was devastated...as we all know that feeling.  Yet, she picked up her life, went back to school and became a nurse.  She dated a little - but did not get serious with anyone. 

A few years back, her Father left the OW.  Apparently she was pushing to live together...get married.  He didn't want to do that.  So, they broke up. 

Her Dad contacted her Mother....they began to do things together....have dinner, spend time, go out, etc.  According to my dental hygenist - they are the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  The all have holidays together, as well.  She believes that her Dad would like to be in a relationship with her Mom.....but her Mom is reluctant.  She believes if the two were open to get some counseling and work through it - they could reconcile...but her Dad "isn't the counseling type."

One other interesting thing - OW continues to send him notes wanting to reconcile - but he isn't interested in the slightest. 

Who knows where it will go from here.

L

[hawk]

My parents and heroes , together 56yrs. Warning , might make ya cry.

We had a huge family , 12 , mum was meant to stop at 7 , but she was catholic and wouldn't use anything.
Eventually it all got too much , as you could imagine. She started going a bit crazy , talking crazy  here. But she also would not associate with dad in anyway. For years it was just wise cracks whenever he opened his mouth or was around.
He was a strong man , mans man .But even us kids use to think why , don't live like this dad , divorce her.
Eventually , after sticking by her for years , he started getting gf's , he was always highly sexed , we never knew how he lasted that long.
Then he bought a holiday house 8hrs drive. He started going up there straight after work Friday nights , went on for 3 or 4 yrs.
He had a gf up there but even we couldn't blame him the way mum treated him.

Meanwhile , go figure seems she seem to hate dad , but mum would not go near other men. When dad wasn't around , she talked about him and lived as if she was a loyal wife.  Don't ask me to explain it , l still can't.
Underneath it all though , l think he was only ever the only man for her. Although she was going through sh@t , she was still a one man women.

Dad was still living at home , mum was in and out of hospital like a second home. We nearly lost her 4 or 5 times. But every time she got sick , dad would drop everything and be at her bed in hospital for as long as it took.

My dad was in business and at 65 he went broke . Mum started to change , he dropped the gf's , mum never did like all the money , she just wasn't interested in money or business.
They were actually talking again , even when they were alone . We hadn't seen that in 15yrs .
Mum still talked about dad as if he was her hero , same as she did when she was treating him like sh@t  , that never ever changed.
Then they retired and both , yep both , moved up to the holiday house. area but he didn't own the house anymore and they had to go on the pension because he went broke. But they rented a unit in town . They still had separate bedrooms , but they would cackle away around each other like a couple of old women  .
Dad would still talk about mum a lot to , and basically wait on her , fuss over her .
Then they got older and mum started getting sick again until it was the last stand . We all knew we'd lose her soon , dad to.
But dad started getting sick to . Then they found out he had so many blockages he shouldn't even be here. But he was too old now to take the operations .
Mum got worse and dad had had 6 heart attacks , yep , 6 .
But he wouldn't go . He was going to stay to look after mum first , if it was the last thing he did.
Well he did that and we all saw her off with dad.
He said to me that day , l hope the kids are gonna be ok and l'll stick around as long as l can to be there.
Well , he managed another 18mths and we lost him to.
But in visits and stuff , he'd stuck by mum and seen her off , and then he'd stuck by he's kids to make sure they were ok and then,  it was time to check out .
They just don't make em like that any more .  MN summed it up in another thread . The way the world is now , the cheap quick thrills , the lack of !

But you know what , my ex was their favorite of all the sons and sister in laws , kids , the lot . They loved her. Dad especially but mum to bc ex was a nurse and all mums hospital , she had real respect for nurses.
So in a way l as so relieved they weren't here to see what she did in the end.
l know they know now but at least , well hopefully they were busy up there at the time.

[hawk]

Just wondering , no more return stories , that can't be right can it

[limitless]

Link to old thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0

First thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0

Thought it was time to start a new thread.

I had a conversation with my dental hygenist today.  Really nice young gal.  Been going to her for some time.  Over the years I have shared with her my experience with my Ex.

Today she shared that her Father left her Mother when she was 16 years old.  (Got involved with Mother's best friend...so typical).  She and her brother lived with their Father until they went out on their own.   They refused to have anything to do with OW.  Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.  14 years!  He never lived with her.  They kept separate homes and separate lives.  She wasn't welcome with HIS family.  OW used to send her Christmas gifts and cards - but my hygenist wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

Her Mother was devastated...as we all know that feeling.  Yet, she picked up her life, went back to school and became a nurse.  She dated a little - but did not get serious with anyone. 

A few years back, her Father left the OW.  Apparently she was pushing to live together...get married.  He didn't want to do that.  So, they broke up. 

Her Dad contacted her Mother....they began to do things together....have dinner, spend time, go out, etc.  According to my dental hygenist - they are the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  The all have holidays together, as well.  She believes that her Dad would like to be in a relationship with her Mom.....but her Mom is reluctant.  She believes if the two were open to get some counseling and work through it - they could reconcile...but her Dad "isn't the counseling type."

One other interesting thing - OW continues to send him notes wanting to reconcile - but he isn't interested in the slightest. 

Who knows where it will go from here.

L

I went to the dentist today....saw my usual dental hygenist.

Her parents are now living together.  She told me that the reason was "financial" - but I wonder. 

My hygenist got married recently - with both of her parents in attendance...TOGETHER.

L

[heroIam]

Well, I have a return story.  H returned home Dec 19.  Home ever since.  I know it hasn't been long since H has been home, but so far showing "not many" signs of being untrustworthy.  However, I think I need to work on my own trusting issues.  Granted, I have seens a few things that "didn't add up" in my mind, but they were small and probably just exaggerated in my own mind and insecurity-I don't know.......Trust is something I work on and struggle with every day since H has been home.  I don't know for sure if OW is gone.  So he says.  So, I suppose I take comfort in that.  If there is anyone out there with a return story that you can share with me to help with the trust and getting past it all, it would be helpful.   Thank you.

[sada]

Hi Hero. My H came back after being gone 1 month 1/2. He displayed every sign of MLC to a tee. Sometimes I feel unsure of posting because he wasn't gone for very long at all. We're doing pretty well. I continue so much of what I've learned here when it comes to reconciliation.  I realize that the trust can never be 100% again. I guess I try not to think of it in those terms. It is hard when we've been through so much. I continue GAL: Exercising, working, meeting friends, etc. I've continued  to do things for myself that I started when he was gone: mani/pedis, regular hair appointments, shoe shopping!  I'm struggling to be more of the distancer rather than the pursuer, this is what is hardest for me.  I used to be the spouse who took charge of EVERYTHING: bills, kids' appts, teacher conferences, groceries, car stuff... on & on.  Well not anymore: he wanted a damsel in distress, well he's got one, me! I let him take care of me & those things so much more than I ever thought I would.  I really think it makes him feel more needed.  I also think he feels it's helping him to make up for his evil doings. And I'm getting many more much deserved breaks.

I can't put it as eloquently as so many of our fellow LBS have but I've found that I can endure with or without my H. I'm thrilled & blessed that we're together but I won't lose this woman that I've become because we are. During his absence I grew in spirit & understanding of myself. Most importantly,  I grew closer to God than I've ever been in my life,  & that endures.

Hopefully I helped a little bit. If you have any questions that are more specific I'll try to help further.

[Sha10613]

Not sure if the male in this story was a MLCer, but it is a return story, nonetheless.  I met a parent the other day, who was actually the OW.  She married a man who left his former wife for her, and they had 2 kids together (3 years old and 5 years old).  This man has 2 adult sons (30 years old and 28 years old) with his former wife.  The OW said that this man has been a good father to their young children, still sees them regularly, and said that she hoped that they'd get back together in the future.  She also said that there is no way they'd get back together right now, because he is 'too into his other family'.    When I asked why he decided to leave, she said that his reason was that he was stressed out about not being present in his two older sons' lives and needed to go home (where both of his sons and his ex-wife live).  It sounded like he and his ex-wife are back together, though the OW seemed to want to be vague regarding those details. 

[HopeFaithLove]

I have a return story of sorts. I don't know the exact details but it's interesting none the less. One of my friends at works brother was married for 25 years. His wife was 49 and had a midlife crisis and took off with a younger man. Don't know his age. They ended up marrying. Were together for a couple years and she ended up getting diagnosed w breast cancer. He cleaned out their bank account and left. Her ex (my co workers brother) started helping her while she was going through treatment and such. Then their relationship bloomed again. They are now dating but are not re-married yet, but sounds like it is headed that way. My friend is mad at her brother because she doesn't want him to go back to her. Thinks she just came back because the other guy dumped her. But he never stopped loving her. Another friend who knows both parties and has spoken to the MLC wife after she was left by other man, says MLC said she spoke about not knowing what she was thinking and why she thought she would be happy with someone else.

[gimlan]

I am going to share a story that I saw on television yesterday night. Might not sound so interesting because it was on the television, but this was actually a Norweigan show about relationships, the concept being that couples would be assessed on their chances by two relationship councellors, based on some personality tests, interviews and observations of some tasks that were set up for them so that the relationship experts could observe how they interacted in different situations. The couple were in their late sixties or early seventies, both still active professionals. The woman had been married three times - the third time to this man, whom she had divorced due to his infidelity (I think repeated but not sure how much, they only said it happened more than once). Don't know about his previous marriages or long term relationships. Anyway, they had been separated for 3-4 years and then gotten together again. The separation had been tough, at least for the woman, and apparently there had been a few months during which time he was undecided, but they still lived together. After some time, she had ended it because the situation was too hard for her. She said she had never pictured them together again. Anyway, they were now back together, and their relationship had been transformed because they both now knew that a good relationship does not "come for free", so they made an effort to choose each other every day. From what I could see as a viewer, they did indeed seem to have a good relationship. The relationship experts judged that they stood very good chances to stay together, and complimented their interaction. It was a nice return story anyway. Not sure whether it was a midlife crisis, but could well have been.

Hugs & strength,

Gx

[1trouble]

Just one from me..

I was talking to a lady I often meet and we walk our dogs together.. this was a month or two back and this particular morning I was not coping well when I bumped into her.  SO whereas normally I paint on my "smiley" face I told her me and H were not together and mentioned something about MLC.  I said to her please don't thing this is about dressing younger and buying a Harley Davidson and she said no I completely understand because my friend's husband went through it.

She then told me about her friend.  Apparently her (friend's) husband's dad had died and then his friend committed suicide and then he went of the rails, he ended up moving in with his mum and had an affair.  His wife was very adamant that he stayed away until he sorted 'himself out' to protect their daughter.
After about 6-7 months he started talking to his wife and wanted to come back.  She insisted he went to counselling and just over a year he moved back.  She said things are not great but it is now 18 months later and they are getting there.