[Head.Held.High]

I too, have never received a apology.  Read this quote one day and realized, he just isn't capable of it..yet.. May never be:

Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never received.

It is what it is..I have to let it go that I probably will never receive one.

Hope everyone has a good day.

[Songanddance]

OP has kindly put this on as a sticky thread to help all of us especially the newbies.

This thread is NOT about MLC behaviour but about our responses and growth. It's recognising that we too have "stages" to go through and the first LBS stages thread talks about the seven stages of grief. So please leave the comments about what your MLCer is doing to your thread and let's continue the good work in sharing how we are dealing/coping/growing/accepting etc... with the mess that is MLC.
This is about the LBSs.

[MsT]

Ok, I'm angry 
I always thinks everything through, thoroughly. It's actually one of my things I need to work on, I have a hard time making decisions because any outcome to anything becomes convoluted if you overthink it, and I have a hard time not doing that.
He did not think any of this through, not about the kids, the house, the anything. There is no viable R with this other lady, and more likely than not, he will be losing his job and current 20somethingspartyfriends support system because of it. He has always been responsible and considerate, now he's being a careless idiot.
And I'm here trying to keep my kids and home together through the pain of a betrayed heart. I am very angry.
But it's easier to be angry when he's gone, because when I do see him, he looks so thin and gross and has this lost and pained expression on his face and I am a fixer, a nurturer by nature, so my heart bleeds for him. Even when he was trying to provoke me into an argument over nothing before he left, I didn't have any fight in me, only pity and compassion.
So there's my worry, if he doesn't touch and go, my anger will turn to hatred, and if he does touch n go, I will always be his mother, trying to kiss his boo boos better

[stayed]

MsT, that was one of the best descriptions of an LBSer's emotions, that I have seen in quite a while.  You nailed it exactly.  When your MLCer is away with the "ferries", playing with his children friends and his ridiculously, young OW, the anger is so strong, violent you feel like you will explode and blow the house up. 

As soon as they return, no matter how short a Touch&Go it is, your love, compassion, sympathy for the confused state they are so obviously in, overwhelms and all you want to do is cuddle, hug, kiss their pain away.  FIX it, for them.

When they leave you, standing there, dealing with the aftermath, the bills, the children, the carnage, the senselessness of it, the bewilderment, not knowing what to do.  It's normal to feel anger, sadness, fear.  The thing that is really hard to grasp and comprehend, is how terribly SORRY we feel for our spouse.  Seeing them in such a profound state of confusion.  I think it can only be described as "utter helplessness"!  One minute they repulse and anger us, wait a few minutes and somehow you feel sorrier for them, then you do yourself, your children, the mess your life has become.

I think it is our compassion that saves us in the end, MsT.  When you can still feel pity, compassion and love for a person that has / is hurting you so much,  shows what a truly loving, caring person you are, which will lead you through this.  Restoring you to a whole, healthy and happy person, again.

Hugs Stayed 

[HopeFaithLove]

I know that I shouldn't dwell on what THEY are doing together but it makes me so mad! My husband travels for his job, and I could never go on business trips with him because I had to stay home and work and take care of the kids. That trashy ow who hasn't had a job can go to work with him and take her baby and leave her 19 yr old daughter who lives with her and her 2 other kids that live with their grandma at home.

[stayed]

Stages of Grief (LBS)
1.  Denial

2.  Anger

3.  Bargaining

4.  Depression

5.  Acceptance
Trying to figure out which stage you are at HopeFaithLove!  Sounds like a combination of anger and depression! 

It's frustrating when the new person in our spouses life is able to accompany and participate in parts of our spouses life, that we would have LOVED to have participated in.  This UNDESERVING person who preyed on our spouse, is actually being REWARDED, in our mind, for their outrageous behaviour.  We all question, how can this be?  Evil is not suppose to be rewarded.  People who do bad things are suppose to be PUNISHED... not rewarded. 

This causes the depression you are feeling sweetie and of course the anger.  Let yourself feel it.  Don't let it overtake you though.  Sounds like you need some HOPEFAITHLOVE time.  Perhaps a nice massage, or a mani-pedicure.  Or a new hairstyle.. perhaps a new outfit or shoes/handbag.  This is the time to pamper yourself sweetie.

Don't put yourself in debt of course, but perhaps you can get a sibling or friend to go out and have a nice quiet meal with, share a bottle of wine.  It's pretty normal to feel like this.  Pamper yourself and let the pain and resentment go!

Hugs Stayed

[gimlan]

Hey, Stayed - were's the 'fed up'-stage?!!! I feel both acceptance and tiredness, like I want to just wave him off like a fly in my food... Not angry just *sigh*...  HUGS, Gx

[stayed]

Hey, Stayed - were's the 'fed up'-stage?!!! I feel both acceptance and tiredness, like I want to just wave him off like a fly in my food... Not angry just *sigh*...  HUGS, Gx

A C C E P T A N C E !!! My friend... acceptance!  You are "letting go"! 

Hugs Stayed

[HappierDaysAhead22]

I think for me through the whole time I WAS in crisis during his crisis (which is ongoing) the most painful and prominent feeling was despair. Not just despair over the broken relationship but the raw feeling of this is my life now. I have zero say in it but here I am. All the hopes and dreams and goals we planned TOGETHER... Dead...

And now that I have a good chunk of time to reflect on (2ish years) the newest lesson I'm learning is my intuition/gut has always guided me and I chose not to listen. My gut was a revelation of many things along this journey but I chose to scilence it becuase it was easier in the moment. Not anymore... MY INTUITION IS MY NEW COPILOT!

[MsT]

MsT, that was one of the best descriptions of an LBSer's emotions, that I have seen in quite a while.  You nailed it exactly.  When your MLCer is away with the "ferries", playing with his children friends and his ridiculously, young OW, the anger is so strong, violent you feel like you will explode and blow the house up. 

As soon as they return, no matter how short a Touch&Go it is, your love, compassion, sympathy for the confused state they are so obviously in, overwhelms and all you want to do is cuddle, hug, kiss their pain away.  FIX it, for them.

When they leave you, standing there, dealing with the aftermath, the bills, the children, the carnage, the senselessness of it, the bewilderment, not knowing what to do.  It's normal to feel anger, sadness, fear.  The thing that is really hard to grasp and comprehend, is how terribly SORRY we feel for our spouse.  Seeing them in such a profound state of confusion.  I think it can only be described as "utter helplessness"!  One minute they repulse and anger us, wait a few minutes and somehow you feel sorrier for them, then you do yourself, your children, the mess your life has become.

I think it is our compassion that saves us in the end, MsT.  When you can still feel pity, compassion and love for a person that has / is hurting you so much,  shows what a truly loving, caring person you are, which will lead you through this.  Restoring you to a whole, healthy and happy person, again.

Hugs Stayed

Thanks for hugs, stayed. I need them right now