[ArmySpouse]

Ok I have read through pretty much all of it and yes I nodded my head to a bunch of them.. But I can also add..

- you need to find a boyfriend

- I want you to be happy because Iam very happy right now (after talking about he wants a divorce once we can.. We have to live on this state for a year and you can divorce so we live separate cause he moved out to his own apartment)

- wants an apartment on his own and rented it. Said the truth to me. Said he wants to figure out if he wants to be alone or with us -- then said:" I want to f*cking live my life! Going out with other people and have fun."

- I want a new computer and I get one if I want one ( after telling him when I leave he can get the iMac but until then I need it also for the kids)

  - when discussing marriage he says that "what society accepts as cheating should be revised. One can be married and love that spouse but seek pleasure outside of marriage whenever." When I asked if he should then tell that spouse of needing his needs met somewhere else he said not really, just go out and do it, it's not her business.

- I said what's the point then of getting married as marriage is suppose to be only with one person - he says "that the traditional saying what society accepts but it shouldn't be the saying of what you can do or not do with other people. If your needs aren't met you should be able to do and have it met whenever you need. "

- when I told him I need my needs met he said get a boyfriend I don't care. I said its your job. He said "I don't want to right now, Ian not in the mood (which he hasn't been in anyways for the last week)"

- I will never come back 

- you don't know me the last 3 years

- I am mentally divorced from you for a while

- I don't love you and never will 

- Iam not your husband anymore and never will

- I love her but I don't love you..

- Iam sorry Iam such a horrible husband

- you deserve someone that truly loves you (pity party)

- and then breaking up with me over FaceTime at least 3 times and text messages many times as well..

- you are cold and you don't care (after me starting to detach and not engaging in drama or his comments, I stayed friendly but not interested)

- I have never kissed her (after our oldest son has seeing a picture of those two kissing yet to this day he denies this happened and claims my son is a liar to cover his ass)

- "if you or your friends contact her I swear Iam done with you.. I want her to want me for me and not because of drama".. (Early days after bomb drop and me in shock)

- it is not about her but if I want to stay with you

[Searching4Answers]

  - when discussing marriage he says that "what society accepts as cheating should be revised. One can be married and love that spouse but seek pleasure outside of marriage whenever." When I asked if he should then tell that spouse of needing his needs met somewhere else he said not really, just go out and do it, it's not her business.

I got this storyline too I asked if he would be ok with me doing this - absolutely not! He would leave me if I did this

[OffRoad]

H's response to my saying "One day you are going to wake up and find you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you."
"I might."

"You never let me start any side businesses." (Yes, H. I forced you to play video games every spare moment instead of starting a side business.)

"S16 need to get rid of all the stuff in his room. It's a mess." (The room had just been cleaned and S had gotten rid of several childhood toys)

You can run the dryer at night.
The dryer bothers  me at night.
No, you can run the dryer at night.

H-"You never thanked me for doing the dishes."
M-"Um, I've done the dishes for 20 years. You just started doing them sometimes 6 months ago. Did you ever thank me for doing the dishes for 20 years?"
H-"No, why should I?
(I followed up with "If you never thought to thank me, why would I think to thank you?" Met with silence.)

My most favorite was when H had been drinking until he puked at 3 am, and I had to go to his parents house to get S16 because he couldn't. He told his parents later he had just had indigestion and was coughing, he wasn't puking. (Yep, that's what kept you from getting your son...). But why mention that he wasn't puking? I had only said H wasn't feeling well when I picked up S.

[ArmySpouse]

  - when discussing marriage he says that "what society accepts as cheating should be revised. One can be married and love that spouse but seek pleasure outside of marriage whenever." When I asked if he should then tell that spouse of needing his needs met somewhere else he said not really, just go out and do it, it's not her business.

I got this storyline too I asked if he would be ok with me doing this - absolutely not! He would leave me if I did this
.

Mine said first "go ahead and date" and when I asked him "would you be Okay me dating" and he said no I wouldn't "...

 Or every time I went somewhere (even if I had an appointment) he said to me immediately :"I'm not watching the kids if you were going on a date I just don't feel comfortable you doing that ".. 

Really?!?   Why would you think it is a date with no word have I said it is a date !   I just thought it was really amusing ,  him projecting to what he would do ..

[in it]

I heard:

I don't love you anymore
I'm done
Find yourself somone who will dance with you (nice thought now)
Awww it wasn't all her fault (in regards to exow)

[The lighthouse]

At BD:

"I'm not wanted or loved here"
"You deserve better than me, I create sh** everywhere I go"
"Don't blame yourself, I did this"

To D, then 9:

"Daddy has made a few mistakes"
"I'm really angry with myself"

Then stay and sort it out, not run away and create more destruction! 

Me:  "Do you love me?"
H: "Yes"
Me: "Do you love her?"
H: "Yes"
Me: "How can you love two women?"
H: "I don't know"
Me:  Do you want to make a life with her?
H: I might   

8 months later:

"It's rocky but I'm trying really hard to make it work"  (but you couldn't try hard to make a relationship of 23 years work  )
"I'll always care about you and D, but I don't love you"
"You didn't do anything wrong.  We just grew apart."

Around 20 months later during a big touch and go:

"Sometimes we get in a slump in life and we can't find our way out."

Around 4/5 months ago:

During an hour conversation where he had phoned me and was, according to him, stood out on the road (away from OW):  We were discussing a friend's D13 who is apparently boy mad according to her Mum.

H:  "No, she's not boy mad.  She's crying out for attention and when you're crying out for attention you pick up with the first piece of sh** that comes along."

When talking about the girl's mother being stuck in a controlling relationship and me suggesting that she may feel that she is stuck

H:  "The only reason you get stuck with someone is when they've got something on you." 

Projection at its best here.  An interesting exercise to log this down and see the subtle changes over time.

[ArmySpouse]

Oh yes I got that " One can love two people at the same time " speech at the beginning too....

One is totally capable of that... Yeah... Sure buddy...

 I also got :

 I always will have feelings for you you are the mother of my children ..

 I always will care for you and your well-being ..


 But then I also got a complement pretty much the only one that I will remember and I take as is:

 You said : "you are a hell of a mother" 

[NeverGiveUp1]

- you are cold and you don't care (after me starting to detach and not engaging in drama or his comments, I stayed friendly but not interested)

I got this one too. After he *asked* me to go dark (on my birthday BTW) a few days later he was already like why are you so cold, why are you so distant, I can't even get a hug? I would remind him he asked me to go dark and he would say "well you don't have to be so cold about it" or "well you didn't have to do it so well" ..

On my birthday he also told me (and I found out later told my FIL the same when he asked) "why would I do anything for your birthday we aren't together?!" Then less than 2 weeks later was Father's Day and when I declined to come along with him and *daughter* he was devastated saying "I thought you'd be here to celebrate with me"


They are truly crazy!!

[Searching4Answers]

Oh yes I got that " One can love two people at the same time " speech at the beginning too....

One is totally capable of that... Yeah... Sure buddy...

Lol... I got that too when I pushed him on it he told me "you have 2 cats and you love them both"

Hard to argue that one - not. He did refer to OW as his pet in his eyes I think that we were both just play toys to him.

[ArmySpouse]

Oh yes I got that " One can love two people at the same time " speech at the beginning too....

One is totally capable of that... Yeah... Sure buddy...

Lol... I got that too when I pushed him on it he told me "you have 2 cats and you love them both"

Hard to argue that one - not. He did refer to OW as his pet in his eyes I think that we were both just play toys to him.

Or maybe you are his pet... lol..

 But I agree it is very strange to compare a pet to a person ..