[Mad Hatter]

yes but I understand that married men live the longest and single men die the soonest

OP, I have read this too in multiple places; married men are much happier and productive than single men. They do live longer and suffer less from ailments and other physical issues than single men.

I think modern feminism has steered women in this direction much to chagrin of the family.

This comment will probably receive some backlash; oh well!

One of the biggest issues modern women are running into is putting off the "body agenda" in favor of career and "having fun" in their 20's- early 30's with the idea of starting the family after. The problem is most of them are having a hard time "locking down" a man willing to commit by the time they are ready and their body is screaming to have a child. Most of them run into men during their "party years" willing to commit, but whilst having so much fun, ignore them for various reasons. Now in their 30's, things are not as easy as they were told and reality creeps in. They are now in competition with the younger women they once were. The men, who were willing to commit but were shunned, now really want nothing to do with them now that they have more options to choose from.

Say all you want about "maturity" and "being shallow" but the truth of the matter is this, and it is from our biological, primal brain:

- It is our primal, biological nature to procreate and have children

- Men have a large window in which to do this, as we can procreate from age 15 - 70ish, give or take depending on the man. Men natural prefer a young, healthy woman in which to do this as young healthy women produce healthy babies. Men are visual & physical by nature.

- Women have a smaller window, say 16 - 40ish, give or take, in which to procreate. Women are drawn to a man who attracts her and can provide for her. Back in the beginning, this would have been the warrior / hunter; the one who would bring home the food and provide protection. In modern days, this "security" is translated into the confident, successful man with the assets and potential and drive to provide.

Now taking these into account, it is reasonable to understand the trend of older men seeking younger women and vice versa. Younger women have the youth & beauty that men desire and are attracted to. The older man is viewed as established, especially if he has a career, success and drive.

I mentioned in a previous post about "SMV" (Sexual Market Value). This plays into all this natural body agenda. Women start off with a higher SMV and it tapers as their youth fades. Men start of low/lower and it increases with their success. Somewhere around the 30's & 40's, these SMV's cross and invert. The aging woman starts to find herself no longer marketable and eventually "hits the wall". She is now in competition with the younger women for the same men. Men are now enjoying the fruits of their success. The dating game is wide open and they are free to pick and choose from almost every age category.

This plays in with mid-life divorcees; men have greater options!

I know this is going to ruffle a lot of feathers but, as I said, this is primal body agenda. We can't help what we are attracted to! It's natural!
 

For men, I think age plays a part in their confusion when kids are grown and they're nearing retirement. Their role as protector/provider is coming to an end and they don't know what to do next.

This works both ways. The kids grow up, move out and no longer need nurturing and the woman says "well, what now? Is this all there is?"

[elray]

I know this is going to ruffle a lot of feathers but, as I said, this is primal body agenda. We can't help what we are attracted to! It's natural!

We can help what we do.  And the more self aware we are of primal drivers, the more we can control them.  Social Conditioning also helps -- a great example of that is potty training.  For example, I might have a primal need to shat, but if I climb on your desk, and unload while you're in a meeting, I doubt you're gonna buy into the primal body agenda argument.

[Mad Hatter]

With my apologies to the women on the site.

Woman have a double standard when it comes to their relationship's. When they first meet someone and feel the physical and emotional connection they will do everything in their power to latch onto that person. However over time as this person meets their needs, marries them, provides stability and support, the focus changes, children become more important, careers interfere with together time, expectations change, dissatisfaction with spouse that they didn't take the garbage out immediately upon request, or the bundle of flowers they brought home wasn't for the right season leads to an overall lack of respect. They start to see attractive men all around them that stirs their libido as the husband no longer does. Lying, deceit, cheating, affairs, MLC follows. It is just so much easier to get out of this stifling marriage than to put any effort into it no matter who gets hurt.

Well said!

[Mad Hatter]

I know this is going to ruffle a lot of feathers but, as I said, this is primal body agenda. We can't help what we are attracted to! It's natural!

We can help what we do.  And the more self aware we are of primal drivers, the more we can control them.  Social Conditioning also helps -- a great example of that is potty training.  For example, I might have a primal need to shat, but if I climb on your desk, and unload while you're in a meeting, I doubt you're gonna buy into the primal body agenda argument.

Kind of like Feminism right? I shouldn't be shamed for what I am naturally attracted to and desire! Sorry, don't buy it! If I have options, then I should go for the best options, whatever those may be!

And depending on how big an ass my boss is, and how crappy the job...meh...I might just take a shat on his desk! 

[elray]

We agree about your boss, and if you want to be 70 chasing 20somethings, for one last chance at fatherhood, knock yourself out. 

If you're single, follow your desires in a woman.  But I suspect from what you've said, most of the negative female qualities you're highlighted are more pronounced in younger women. 

My point about constrained behavior is within the context of having made promises and commitments.  One could have read your rant and visualized the mind of a married male MLCer self-justifying his fling.

[MeNow]

I find myself attracted to younger fems. I appreciate beauty. No serious urge to go after them though. I keep in mind they haven't hit their own MLC yet and the crazy is yet to come.

[Mad Hatter]

We agree about your boss, and if you want to be 70 chasing 20somethings, for one last chance at fatherhood, knock yourself out.

Nope, no desire for more kids! Body Agenda doesn't always follow what the brain wants!

If you're single, follow your desires in a woman.  But I suspect from what you've said, most of the negative female qualities you're highlighted are more pronounced in younger women.

I will agree with you. On a personal note, while I do admire beauty, I don't necessarily favor a younger woman; common interests and the generation gap would leave it lacking! Plus, the modern younger woman is too entitled for me! I was merely pointing out what seems to be a common trend echoed across the interwebs and certain instinctual preferences I believe to be true.

My point about constrained behavior is within the context of having made promises and commitments.  One could have read your rant and visualized the mind of a married male MLCer self-justifying his fling.

Again, agree with commitment and promises!

Wasn't really a rant, or meant to be; possibly long-winded in getting my thoughts across. And yes, I do believe some of these things play into "MLC" and "WAS" situations in one form or another. Maybe not the cause, but exacerbates it!

[Thundarr]

With my apologies to the women on the site.

I think it is quite easy to describe a married woman's unhappiness.

Woman have a double standard when it comes to their relationship's. When they first meet someone and feel the physical and emotional connection they will do everything in their power to latch onto that person. However over time as this person meets their needs, marries them, provides stability and support, the focus changes, children become more important, careers interfere with together time, expectations change, dissatisfaction with spouse that they didn't take the garbage out immediately upon request, or the bundle of flowers they brought home wasn't for the right season leads to an overall lack of respect. They start to see attractive men all around them that stirs their libido as the husband no longer does. Lying, deceit, cheating, affairs, MLC follows. It is just so much easier to get out of this stifling marriage than to put any effort into it no matter who gets hurt.

The problem is reality strikes, newly single yes however the support system is gone, hubby ain't around to sit with the kids while their off at playtime, hubby isn't providing the resources, the safety, or the filter.

Men sniff around but they only have one interest, divorced 30's or 40's looking, looking, looking, too late in most instances to realize how good they had it, because some other women has figured it out and snatched up their man. Why do women complain there are no good men left? Because most good men who have been shat upon will no longer tolerate the double standard.

I would be curious to see the happiness level of divorced women 1, 5, and 10 years following their divorce.

Mac

I agree with the double standard here, but I think we have to be careful not to fall into the alpha/ beta pit that I've seen a lot of the LBS brothers fall into.  I definitely don't think I am or was a beta, but the positive traits I had seemed to slowly shift to becoming undesirable relatively quickly with XW.  In fact, I would say since she turned 40 and in essence lost her mother due to Alzheimer's.  I don't think it was a slow progression for XW at all and likely hit her like a ton of bricks just like BD did me.  Imagine waking up next to someone who you suddenly despise for being honest and humanitarian, someone who fathered your kids and is a big part of their lives.  Imagine being completely repulsed by someone being nice to you and thinking they're weak when they compliment you.  WE didn't change, but rather their interests did.  The question is will things ever go back to normal?

As far as divorced women and happiness, all the research I've read suggests an extremely high level of unhappiness within the first five years and it really doesn't get much better for them if they stay single.  Women almost always end up less financially stable than men after D and ironically have much more reason to stay married even though they are the ones initiating the D.  Truly mind-boggling!

[Braveheart]

We agree about your boss, and if you want to be 70 chasing 20somethings, for one last chance at fatherhood, knock yourself out. 

If you're single, follow your desires in a woman.  But I suspect from what you've said, most of the negative female qualities you're highlighted are more pronounced in younger women. 

My point about constrained behavior is within the context of having made promises and commitments.  One could have read your rant and visualized the mind of a married male MLCer self-justifying his fling.

Yes, this is the male shaming that's thrown around a lot these days, it's nearly always taken to extreme examples to throw in the "Creepy" factor as well. Almost no men of 70 are going to be dating 20 somethings, which most people would find creepy, but men 40-50 something will be dating 20-30 somethings.

We men get back on the single bandwagon, hit the gym, get new clothes, take ownership of our crap, fixed it, only to be told to lower our expectations to women our own age or older who have done none of the above and who we have no attraction too.

[elray]

Yes, this is the male shaming that's thrown around a lot these days, it's nearly always taken to extreme examples to throw in the "Creepy" factor as well. Almost no men of 70 are going to be dating 20 somethings, which most people would find creepy, but men 40-50 something will be dating 20-30 somethings.

Fair enough -- I did apply a creep factor -- I've always heard it said that for older single men:  half your age plus seven is the bare minimum to avoid the social pressure of an implied creep factor. 

So for the 40 year old, keep them about 27+ (40/2 + 7), and for a 50 year old 32+ (50/2 =7).  Am I still telling you to lower your expectations?