[MyBrainIsBroken]

Just wondering , so that thing in shops , when your looking at something , is real then ?

l always think it must be coincidence ,l just have bad timing and the minute l wanna check something out , suddenly so does everyone else.

In my experience it is if the item is unusual.  I liken it to the "If other people want that item, and I get it, I must be superior" theory of life some people have.  This is especially true if there is only one of that item or only one in that color. And it depends on how the first person looks at it. If I hold something up and look at it from all angles and it's something that catches the eye, anyone in the vicinity comes to look at it.

This reminds me of something we did when I was a high school senior and we took our senior trip to New York City. We would have one guy stand and look up in the sky. Soon there would be several people gathered around him, also looking up in the sky. 

[hawk]

At least in the country I am living women prefer men who are "taken" over those who are single. I find this very strange, the mate "poaching" thing. I would find a married man unattractive, because I would figure if he is willing to cheat on his wife or lie to her, then I would also assume he is willing to cheat on me and lie to me.

Sometimes I feel disgusted with OW for deliberately destroying our marriage, but sometimes I actually feel sorry for her. I doubt she realizes how much my MLCer is in this for personal gain. My MLCer has always been an expert on keeping an innocent countenance, but the first thing he told me at bomb drop was that he had picked her because she had a house and because of her family connections. Then of course he lost his job and now she is supporting him the last two years. So not exactly pure love, more like purely economic interest.

Ha , her family and connections are sure gonna be impressed with him now LJ. living of their daughter , leaving his family.
l'm surprised she hasn't given him the flick already .

[Seekingpatience]

My H is home for the weekend to visit DS16 more than anything else but we have had a few talks which I will journal about later when he leaves again tomorrow. One of the topics was OW. Mainly because I wanted to test the temperature so to speak.
I will try to use his words where possible.

H, for the first time, admitted to a "buzz" from the relationship. It was "secret, sexual and when exposed to the light of day Sordid".  In his mind he wants/wanted it to be more than just that because he knew it was "stupid and wrong on so many levels". Yet, if the OW hadn't outed him, "it would probably have gone on until it blew up in his face just in the way it did blow up". He looked in the mirror and asked himself " WTF am I doing?" but at the same time felt that he was gaining freedom to do what he wanted.

H said his perspective changed more the further out from the exposure it got.  It was like he could not see or did not want to see how stupid and wrong it was, he needed to be "in lurrve"  and hold on to that in fornt of me so it would not be so sordid.

I am quite sure his perspective will change again but in which direction at which hour or day? No clue. I hope and pray it progresses to the point he recognises she was nothing more than a bump in the road.

Right now though, it's a bump that I would go over multiple times with a heavy duty steamroller till its flat!

[Treasure]

Attaching

[Snowdrop]

I hope and pray it progresses to the point he recognises she was nothing more than a bump in the road.

Right now though, it's a bump that I would go over multiple times with a heavy duty steamroller till its flat!

 

[Absolutely Fabulous]

After reading some of the posts, and pondering the matter. I had to bring something up. One of the most famous OW's was Nicole Brown Simpson. OJ Simpson's second wife. I believe that he killed her, but that's not my point. And, least we not forget Leona Helmsley the tax evading OW from Hell. But, I won't go there. On with Nicole.

You didn't read about him being abusive to his first wife. I thought that this was odd. He was abusive to Nicole, but not the first one. Why? Because he could trust his first wife. Nicole did indeed have a brief affair with Ron Goldman, the kid that was killed with her.

This really begs the question: How do they really treat the OP, and how are they treated when we aren't around to see?

Yes, in the beginning they get treated like they are angels, and treat us like we're the devil himself. But, think about it for a moment. If they're really so happy, then why can't they treat us with dignity and respect while with the OP? They treat us like we deserve whatever they do to us, even though they are the ones in the wrong. Why the abject cruelty that many of us have been faced with? I mean, if they're really so happy, fulfilled, etc...then why not just leave without all the fanfare? Why the limbo of Clinging or Vanishing?

I read on another website about a woman who has stayed with her OM for the past 17yrs and regrets leaving her XH. Why did she stay with the OM? Because she didn't want to be alone. So, I don't think that any who stay with the OP does if for love, or because they're happy. Based on everything that I've read, it's due to desperation. Pure and simple. By the way, XH is thriving now that she's gone ( pay attention gentlemen, success is truly the best revenge ), and she's the one miserable. 

They had a good spouse, and left because they didn't want to deal with themselves, and got stuck. They're miserable, and they can't get out. They stayed because there was no where else to go. When there's no where else to go, you have no choice but to stay put. They didn't want to humble themselves and admit that they made a mistake, and worse: were wrong. They don't want to have to face that fact that it was their inner demons that caused this, and now the demons have won.

Just my 2cents.

[Sunny]

I know my H is in a world of pain, according to what he tells his sister. The OW is abusive, physically and emotionally, and definitely has borderline personality disorder. There is a lot of screaming and she throws things at H. He doesn't tell me anything and I don't ask, but he has revealed a few things such as he can't go anywhere without her approval and he cannot stay long, even with this family. Never stays overnight. Oh and OW got pregnant deliberately when they were about to break up. She's Irish so no birth control and he was too stupid to think of using a condom, assuming she was using something. She doesn't work,doesn't drive, doesn't even clean the house. And she wants to put the baby in a crèche because he's served the purpose now and she wants nothing to do with him. H once told me how easy going the baby is yet she complains non stop. Very controlling. My SIL says they break up all the time, tho still live together. All his choice tho!

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Pure and simple. By the way, XH is thriving now that she's gone ( pay attention gentlemen, success is truly the best revenge ), and she's the one miserable. 

My3G's post makes a lot of sense and I think most of what she's written applies to my wife. I've been told by others that they think she's already miserable and stays for the reasons My3G lists; she doesn't want to be alone; doesn't want to admit she's made a mistake; ashamed of what she's done; but I think there's more to it. I don't think they really know why they stay and that's the sad part. I think they actually believe the attraction they feel for the OP is love. 

I do believe I'll come out of this ok and I expect that she will be and probably already is miserable, but that doesn't bring me any satisfaction. Just dismay. I'm not interested in revenge.

[always hopeful]

I also believe they stay with OP, simply because they feel like if they do come back it only a matter of time before you abandon them for OM/OW as payback.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

I also believe they stay with OP, simply because they feel like if they do come back it only a matter of time before you abandon them for OM/OW as payback.

They do believe that we think and act like them. So, yes, I guess that would be a legitimate fear. Not a real one, but if I treated someone they way they did...

They violated trust, so, I guess they feel that we have an axe to grind. They don't forgive, so they figure we can't.