[Ready2Transform]

  I am so sorry for your granddaughter MBIB!  SO gross that he made a play for your daughter, too.  I get where in the scope of MLC it's important to keep the perspective that the OP is not the issue, and to not get caught up in their drama.  But for a lot of us (and I know there are more), these people can take more than just the intimacy of our marriages - they're after our jobs, our kids, our LIVES.  We have to at least concentrate on it long enough to put further protections in place.  That's been my experience, anyway. 

The OW and her now xH have records in every county surrounding their city.  She'd let my friend know that her home was in foreclosure, her xH's medical bills were growing (great time to cheat on the guy!), and she needed out.  Her exact words were, "I'm not a bad person, I just need to get my kids set up."  Her kids are now late teens and 20s - adults!  But they now all live with her and my xH, along with no less than 9 animals.  Karma in itself.

[bookwrmmom]

I agree w/I Believe:

I can tell you that the op is a manipulative, controlling broken person, out to get everything they want, including our spouses. However, our spouses, made a choice to do this also, they made a choice to commit to the affair. Predator or no predator, our spouses did this, and made this choice, without talking to us first, that was their choice. The predator could have been anyone at anytime, but our spouses made that leap into affairdom.

But yes OW is a total predator. Her own H & Mother said she is desperate for attention, and will do whatever needed to get it. Including suicide attempts.....

[serenity]

Manning up, facing it and dealing with it seems almost impossible for a lot of our H's!!! Just so much easier to run off with the nearest available person (if you can call them that!).

X

[a]

My X's affair is not a singular event.  After BD i discovered that X had been looking for many other woman. He did meet a OW only she had the decency to say she did not want to be with a married man although i think they did have brief PA.  So X was looking about a year before he met OW1.

OW1 definitely pursued X.  It seemed to have started for OW1 at a conference were X was a speaker. A few months later she contacts X via texting to compliment him on the talk he gave.  If X texts are to be believed he could not remember her and asked her for a photo.  As soon as he received her photo the flirting started with X saying she was HOT.  From there it progressed to them meeting - i do not know when the actual PA started but i know from the texts that OW pursued X with flattery, falttery and more flattery.  A few months into the affair to keep X interested she starts sending provocative pictures of herself, followed by down right pornographic pictures of her genitals. And so the sexting began but it was all one sided from what i could see.  X never sent pictures of himself. 

A couple of months after BD a woman phones me to tell me my X is cheating on me and she was not the OW1 but rather another OW that X was cheating with on OW1.  After this call i did something i am not proud of but i went into X emails and saw all the evidence for myself (i only did this once).  Hence my knowledge of OW1's predatory pursuit of X and also all of X's cheating on OW1 with women he was meeting on dating websites that cater for people who want to hook up for sex.  X's cheating on OW1 started a few months after BD and i imagine this was his way of medicating the pain.  Having read some of the texts between all these OW and him he was struggling to sleep and many of the sexual virtual talks were late at night.

OW1 is a highly educated woman, 14 years younger than H, and a corporate go-getter. 

Jump a couple of years ahead - i do not know if X is still using these websites i would imagine he is not because he closed down the email he used for these escapades.  It is the same email i used to communicate with X and he had to send me his new email address because he said he was having technical problems with his old email LOL i can just magine the technical problems he was having!!!! And now has married OW1.

Barbiedoll i know you ask if they ever feel regret so i will send you something i have posted on several other threads.  It is a recent text sent from X 8 months after his marriage to OW1.

_____________________________________________________________
My car broke down about 3 weeks ago I had to text X for the insurance number because he still pays for all my insurances - he phones me straight away all concern in his voice and calling me by my pet name - i guess to protect myself i was polite and distant, I felt uncomfortable with him treating me like i was someone he cared about.  Anyway i felt bad about being distant so i text him the following:

 "Dear X i am sorry.  I struggle to speak to you knowing that in the end all you had for me was contempt and disgust - i need to be free from buying into your perception of me and you need to be free from your anger and guilt towards me.  The only way i know how this is possible is to give us both freedom from the past. I am truly sorry if this causes you pain.  I guess this is what happens when things are left unresolved".

His reply
"Less disgust for you than you think moment.....just a whole lot of regret.....and embarrassment.  Not regret for our life together....but regret that it didn't go forward.  I had a good life with you moment...it was only a very small part of it that didn't work out well towards the end.....but that's done now...."
______________________________________________________________

This coming from a man who had said he had only been happy in the first year of our M and for the rest he was unhappy.  That our M was a troubled one.  Now its was a very small part of the M that didn't work well - go figure!!!!

8 months into X's M with OW1 and his quote on Whats-up is ....
“The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose one or the other with great care.”

Which is quite funny ....X always loved wolves and i think he identifies with them but little does he know the irony that wolves are largely monogamous and its the sheep, the ram that has his harem of females.  So while X likes to think he is a wolf he is behaving like a ram!!! so i guess then according to his quote he must be bored.

take care moment

[in it]

And that is the bottom line THEY CHOSE to do this. This was free will. To take a family and devastate it this way is simply one of the most selfish things someone can do.

Dealing with the fallout and collateral damage isn't our job. We cannot fix this or them.

We can only look within ourselves to understand what emotions it creates for us ( feelings of abandonment,betrayal, feelings of not being enough,or worthlessness. The rage, anger, the sorrow and pain) .It helps to understand where all of that comes from. For me? I found it in my upbringing.

 Then grieve the loss of that relationship. And that takes time.

 IF reconcilation happens? BOTH people have to be on board with making an HONEST OPEN ATTEMPT to create a new relationship. 

I truly believe it's not possible without some time apart.

[MsT]

Hope, I'm pretty sure from everything you posted on your thread that the hobag preyed on your husband big time.
Brain, same goes for you. That guy's  total dang-bag.
I have a feeling in my case that skank-o-tron likes attention. Craves attention. Needs attention. I imagine she has no sense of self worth and deep downs feels like human garbage. Very sad, blah blah blah. Well she is a piece of garbage. Maybe one day she will grow up and decide that not being a piece of human garbage is a personal choice and stops being a piece of human garbage. Maybe she will get married to the love of her life and do babies and happy family with him and then he will have a midlife crisis and cheat on her.
I know for a fact that she would not have turned his head if he hadn't being so fcked up.
To my thinking: yeah, he is responsible, but so is she. He had 3 kids at home and a beautiful loving partner with a big heart waiting in his bed, and she knew it.
But the less I know about this btch the better, I figured that out before he even stopped sleeping here. I stopped snooping way before I found HS

[MyBrainIsBroken]

MsT, I think you're right about the skank-o-tron having no self worth. That's why they often go after someone who's married. It makes them feel special because they can take someone who "belonged" to someone else. They don't realize that the person they "won" is not much of a prize. They're either fcked up, as you wrote about your husband, or they're a garden variety cheater.

I think the skank-o-tron is probably a total dang-bag too.

[paradigmshift]

You want the square peg to fit the round hole. And you will keep forcing it until it does. And then you will be happy. I have no doubt that the OW is predatory. So was my MLCer. The road of life has many bumps and holes, some really tiny, some will swallow you up. It is up to each individual to make sure he doesn't trip up or fall in, along the way.

I'm sure we all had moments when we felt that we could have more validation/admiration/appreciation from our husbands. I'm sure we also had moments when some other guy paid us some extra attention, if only for a second. But we loved and appreciated what we had at home, even if it was not as good.

Remember the story of Adam and Eve and the apple? Eve made me do it, said Adam. The serpent tricked me into it said Eve. And God sentenced ALL THREE to death until, in his Love for them, sent His Son to free them (save for the serpent).

[riverbirch]

Our situation is an odd one,since we were divorced thanks to his scheme to get his full retirement benefits. That was thought of in 2011 by him and I finally gave in. It was finalized March 2012 with intentions to remarry with no one knowing. We were still together til he walked out October 2012 unannounced.

I know he contacted the OW through facebook. He had accused me of trying to hook up with other men so said if I could be on there so could he. Only thing was the men on my list were guys we knew together way back as teens from high school. Kids I grew up with,with no interest on my part. They were sent to me through others not by me looking them up either. They were also on his friends list.

So he dug up the old hag from the past as a way to get back at me in his brain. They were dating before him and I and that was when they were around 15. He had also tried reconnecting with her right before we married. I found out by finding a note in our car. A few weeks later we were married. We went to the justice of the peace. He was the one that set it up and it was right before our first d started school.

So while we were still married he contacted her again. I knew he was acting weird way before any of this divorce chat started. From what she told me he was the pursuer and she wouldn't have anything to do with him since he was married. I don't know when they first started chatting it up. I think it was a little while after he left,but I could be wrong. I know he was trying to hook up with others too.

I found out oct.2013 they were so called friends when I went to take mail to him at his camper. There was a car at his shop next to his camper and I knew there was someone then. I walked in and there was this ugly,old,dirty looking woman laying next to him on the couch bed. She looked old. Older than him but come to find out she's the same age. I asked her what her name was and she told me. Surprise surprise the ex girlfriend from the past.

She is divorced. I don't know how many times. She has three kids in early thirties,late twenties,two have her maiden name,none look like siblings. I think there's at least two different dads. A real winner that bad mouthed her son on Facebook. I know two of the kids and her have police records.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I'm sure we also had moments when some other guy paid us some extra attention, if only for a second.

I've only had one time when some other guy paid me some extra attention and I was able to resist him. I don't know whether I would have been able to, though, if I had been going through a crisis at the time. I do know that if I hadn't resisted him I would have been going through a crisis then.