[in it]

Yep they do and I think we want to believe them so much that we just let it slide.

I actually laughed when I found out who the ex might be seeing. I told my oldest D "He wouldn't trade his family in for her"

How wrong I was. WOW.

[a]

Hi  All

While i know OW was predatory in her pursuit of X i am not convinced she is all bad.  I don't know her as a person at all and while there are some OW that have been described on this thread as highly dysfunctional - i cannot see that applying to all OW - surely?

Can a OW be predatory, can she be someone who helped X hurt us to our very core, but at the same time be an extremely nice person to everyone else - her brother, her mother, her dad, her friends surely get to see a different person.  And maybe that's the person X sees.  Hoe else can you explain the MLCer making a commitment of marriage to someone who is dysfunctional and nasty.  I can't see how MLC explains this - even in the depths of our despair we were able to make conscious choices.

[nah]

It drives me crazy b/c I have been on the other side.  Whenever I'm talking to this guy, during work, or after (we always have hung out a lot) she is constantly texting him.  It DOES NOT STOP, every minute all the time his phone is beeping.  He tries to hide it from me and I'm not even his wife.  He just knows I disapprove and tell him he's stupid.  How can they even think of so much to say?

If I ever did this to my husband it would have drove him nuts.  Yet with these predators, the MLCers seem to love it.

I remember months before he left my husband was constantly "playing solitaire" on his phone.  I use to joke how boring it must be to play that one game all the time.  He said it relaxed him.  Now I know he must have been texting back and forth with her.  Now that they live together how must that constant need for attention be like? 

[nah]

but at the same time be an extremely nice person to everyone else - her brother, her mother, her dad, her friends surely get to see a different person.  And maybe that's the person X sees. 

Moment, like I said I don't even know the girls name but I do know due to my husband's co-workers that she is not liked at work.  Much like the predator that I am describing.  No one at work likes this woman who is having an affair with my friend.  NO ONE.  That is why he is always defending her.

[i can and will cope]

ny h who was loyal for 20 years (after having an "affair") many years ago see the post differnce with mlc affairs disucussion

well he went on holiday as he had for the last 4 years prior to BD with his friend my friends husband i had no reason not to trust him (!!!)  he was away for a week had told me this was the last time he was going to do this as he couldnt stand being away from me for a week .   he left me a note the day he went telling me I love you (pet name) in fact all around the world and back again and i am already missing you and cant wait to come back home to you . all my love yur (pet name)

he sent me emails of his hotel and sent pictures of the ferry port he was sat at telling me I wish I was going to our Place (which was just across the water from where he was staying and we had just been 2 month before on our annual holiday)

he sent a few more texts and emails then the day he came back he looked shocked (dont know if that is the right word) but I KNEW there and then something wasnt right he then started distances himself then being himself he then told me he couldnt go to a hospital appointment with me (he know how scard i was ...again i knew he was lying about where he had been 
timescale of this he went on holiday dec 6 2011 came back 15 Dec 2011 we had christmas together his parents 60th wedding anniversay in Jan 5 2012 (he told me infront of them we wouldnt see 60 years then said he was joking) he would never have said that the year befofe was our 21 wedding anniversay and he told me he couldnt wait for the next 21 years and he loved me immeasurably (6months before BD)

Jan 27/28 cant quite remember now he told me he had met someone on holdiay wanted a divorce she was ten times the woman i am and some other horrible things , also told our son he didnt care if he never saw him again as he was going to be with the ow he just had to do this ..(they were very close) i still cant believe the things that have happened and how i was told that the ow had done this many times with married men yet my h told me he only phoned her becasue she was in need of a friend as she was having problems in her marragie , it still breaks my heart and he is still a cb who i am beginning to dislike more and more
and i understand what barbie doll means by all the triggers I have them all the time jujst like the other day he had posted a picture of ow NEW car on you tube ?  he has also been offering to pay towards a car for me why do they do this to ease their guilt

I have done everytning on my own i didnt ring him when i had my car accident but he kept in contact , i havent asked him for anything and I have kept a roof over my head and sons (at a cost to my health too ) I have also now (well in two weeks time got the new kitchen i have waited 20 years for and I am not in debt like my h who is still deeper and deeper in debt ...whose the loser here .

sorry for rant

[in it]

It's ok ICAWC rant away..

The ex told me I was 1000 times the person she was...sooo what gives? i'm telling you these om/ow are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Actually she was his perfect match and me the exact opposite.

[Lanzo]

My xW was the predator, she was the one who went searching for the OM, and there has been quite a few of them. When I first met monster one of the things she screamed at me was, she was could step out of the marriage any time to find sex and any man who shows her attention she’ll take it.

The first OM she found was in a night club, xW would go out of town to visit family, but when there she always have a night out at a particular night club, filled with dirty old men and trashy ladies. OM was just someone she bumped into a couple of times, they then exchanged phone numbers, emails and text, and then arranged to meet at a hotel to fck. Simple as that. That carried on for a while until he got lazy and bored with her.

She made one attempt to reconcile with me, then she went back to her old ways searching for men. She doesn’t seem to be bothered if they are attached, as the type of guys she picks are ones that are likely to stray anyway. I could also see that the OM overlapped each other, so she still had the old one while flirting with the new. She’s on her third OM since we separated, but this latest one she has announced as her boyfriend and is introducing him to people. She’s told D13 that she will have to meet him as some stage, (but that will be over my dead body).

Anyway I look at things more objectively now and the type of person she is, is not someone I would want in my life.

Lanzo

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Lanzo, it's really none of my business but I'm curious whether your wife was ever abused when she was younger.

[Searching4Answers]

My xW was the predator, she was the one who went searching for the OM, and there has been quite a few of them.

This was my H too. He went looking for OW - when I asked him why her he told me "she was willing" There is nothing special about the OW/OM - it is just two broken people trying to find an external source to fix their brokenness!

My H and OW1 have been on and off for over 2 years now. She wrote him a letter last month telling him what an awful person he is but she is still with him not very smart. They will continue to use each other. I will be moving soon and wonder if that will allow for them to get more serious  - I kind of doubt it because he doesn't OW as a person, she is just a toy to him.

Anyway I look at things more objectively now and the type of person she is, is not someone I would want in my life.

This is really what it comes down too - MLC or not.

Lanzo, it's really none of my business but I'm curious whether your wife was ever abused when she was younger.

This is interesting MBIB. How do sexually abused men act out? We hear about it much more with women. My H once told me that he was 3 years old the first time he went 'down' on a woman and he said it like he was proud of this! This is abuse in my eyes and I find it weird that he doesn't see it that way. 

[Head.Held.High]

My H's Bimbo worked at a corner store where we would fuel up our work trucks daily.  My BIL is also in the same business and his W was in there one morning and had on a new ring, Bimbo asked to see it, stated "I'm going to have to find me a (our occupation)!"...  And that she did...

We have rental properties and he told me she was interested in renting one of our homes.  I reluctantly agreed and she and her boyfriend moved in.  At that time I remember telling H to stay away from her because I knew what kind of woman she was.  Predator.

So a few months later, I go on vacation with the kids and come back to him acting weird.  He had to take a weekend trip to go look at some property.  I felt something wrong and hid a tape recorder in vehicle.  Yep, exactly what I thought.  They had started chit chatting at the store in the mornings prior to this and then started texting and talking a lot.

Started by her complimenting him, telling him her woe is me stories, bad childhood, etc.  He felt he had to "save" her.  On the recorder he tells her how she do her finances so she can save and get her credit scores up.  I got his up to 850 from 400 something when we got together.  His finances were a mess, but now he's an expert.

They were in EA for quite a while before she finally had sex with him.  I believe she really wasn't in to him, but what she thought was in his wallet.  We have a good business, quite a few rental properties, both drive nice vehicles and have a good valued home paid for.  Every text I ever saw from her was about money.  How she had found some Coach shoes she liked, how she saw a nice gold necklace she liked..etc..  Now mind you, my husband has always equated money to success.  Even our 11S says his dad tries to buy his love.  Sad.. Pathetic.

Well you get the drift of how it started..  Come to find out several months after H started his affair with her she had been in several affairs with men in our area, ALL married.  When H tried to cut it off, she would drop off "cheater" phones in his truck and letters professing her undying love and she would kill herself if he didn't talk to her again.  I asked if she needed to borrow a rope, gun, bridge??  Sorry I know that's ugly.

We are at the point of him wanting to come home, supposedly cut all ties with her - - but I don't believe that.  And he's just getting deeper into debt everyday.  Not sure where this relationship will go from here, but I know detaching and GAL works wonders.  I try not to rent space to her in my head but I have to admit, it's hard.  She makes it hard by texting me all the time from random numbers.  I recently sent a cease and desist letter to her and will proceed with pressing charges if she doesn't stop.  I am focusing more on me and less on them and him.