[in it]

Sure would explain why they are so vicious. Their behavior is one thing... (when it manifests physically time to go)

.What they say is brutal.

[Magnite38]

I think my ex was looking...he was in the position of hiring staff and all of them young and inexperienced, someone he could mentor closely. First attempt failed but the second girl was a doozie. 25yrs old already divorced, full of tattoos and a potty mouth with no filter.  Get this she had an online service site and on a business trip to Vegas they were out together her only wearing a bra and a skirt that just covered her butt. Pretty much from day one they were inseparable and she told him she loved him within the week. 3 months later he was gone from my life (phone call to tell me when on a business trip with OW). Another 4 months she got herself pregnant and once the one year divorce waiting period was over they were married. Yikes! She got what she wanted(my life)and h got all the attention and admiration he could dream of and drop the responsibility of home(me and 3 little kids). Ex did what he thought was the right thing and married her and I think she played him.  I think he was out looking for a bit of fun and excitement and to prove to himself he is all that...I think he is a sick old man with a $l()tty new wife. Kind of makes me gag, lol.

[Treasure]

Attaching ..

[a]

Okay this is becoming a bit confusing.  To me XH's family situations does not smack of sexual abuse.  He was sent to boarding school when he was 13 years old while his two younger brothers were kept at home and went to normal day school.  because of this i could see why X felt excluded from the family and why he often spent school holidays, including xmas at friends homes.  X's dad definitely showed favoritism and X was no it - his younger brother was the apple of daddy's eye.  X spent much of his life trying to impress his dad- wanting to succeed more so than his brothers.

Father-in-law often used X to help out brothers financially.  And towards the end of our M X started telling me his mother was manipulative.  I do not know if this is because of childhood issues or if MIL suspected what X was up to and X was trying to mind F*@&K me in case his mom said anything to me. 

I know X's brothers cheated on their respective partners and in fact his youngest brother left his W for a younger OW but returned after 8 months - do not know the state of their M at this point.  And in fact the dysfunction goes as far as X's youth, where in his late teens early 20 one, of his brothers cheated with X's then girlfriend - the strange thing is X still admired her and thought she was a go-getter.  Why oh why did i not see this dysfunction earlier - i would have saved myself so much heartache!!!!

And is it no wonder X felt like my family was more of a family to him than his own.  he and my mom had a closer bond than i have with my mom.

I have absolutely no clue if X was abused - i know that he wanted out of his first boarding school and resisted speaking about it - so maybe their was sexual abuse at this school that X has never mentioned.  But as far as his parents go apart from being somewhat emotionally distant i do not see any evidence of sexual abuse - maybe neglect.  As all three sons did not quite become successes in the relationship department.

[kikki]

Going back to thoughts on whether these other people are to blame or not. 
I know the responsibility remains firmly on the shoulders of our spouses, but we would be naive not to understand that mate poaching has become a huge trend.

http://ideas.ted.com/10-facts-about-infidelity-helen-fisher/

7. Mate poaching is a pronounced trend. In a recent survey of single American men and women, 60% of men and 53% of women admitted to “mate poaching,” trying to woo an individual away from a committed relationship to begin a relationship with them instead. Mate poaching is also common in 30 other cultures.

[I believe in angels]

Hi, interesting never heard of mate poaching before. Maybe that is it, don't know. At the end of he day, it is the choice of our spouses to have the affair, and the other person just simply has no morals whatsoever, to go and join them in the affair, most of them know that our spouses were married and they did not walk away. Both our spouses and the other person have no morals, and feel no responsibility for what they are doing and feel no regard to what is right and wrong. Regardless of whether the other person needs 'saving', is manipulative, is poaching, our spouses did not say NO. X

[Returned]

Interesting article about mate poaching....

https://lirias.kuleuven.be/bitstream/123456789/386403/1/Schmitt+et+al+2004b.pdf

[superdog]

Call it what you want, it doesn't take a genius to ask the right questions of someone to establish what you might need to do to get that person interested.

The ow/om in our spouse lives didn't start as one night stands, they started with conversation that led to them being romantically involved. The right questions were asked, the right tactics were deployed. I would imagine the tactics were good old fashioned flattery and the good old fashioned feel sorry for me.quite a combination.

At the end of the day our spouses were ready to be taken, by whomever came along.you cannot poach what wasn't willing to be taken.

Sd
X

[nah]

I agree with superdog.

I don't even know the girls name and it's been almost two years.  It doesn't matter, if it wasn't her it would be someone else.  She is not that special.  It was just an easy way for him to escape.

[Kat0465]

Attaching