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Author Topic: Discussion Left behind husbands, is there less hope for reconciliation?

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Found it! Here ya go:

"Female Return Stories"
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5580.0
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Surrender to the Flow

Together- 15yrs /  Married-11yrs
Two Daughters 5 + 6
BD 10/25/13
Divorced as of 4/1/14

M

MsT

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Hi!
I ran into this one way back when I first started trying to figure out wtf was happening in my life and I hung on to it because there are always people looking for this kind of hope. This dude endured and came out the other side:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/40756-she-moving-back-home.html.

Hope this helps.
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after he’s through this crisis, wait five years, take out a wooden paddle and whack him on the ass for doing this to you!

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Just a note:

Over on Divorce Busting is a man named Cali who is in the process of reconnecting and reconciliation with his wife.  He details his up and down battle honestly and directly.  Included in some of his trials are a wife with a life long STD from the OM, as well as her slow progress and sex starved marriage.  His journey, to me, details some of the reasons few men stand half as long as many women seem to remain standing. 

He is a funny guy and a great read from the beginning.

He is now at the point when it is his decision what happens just as they say.

Also over there is a man named Forever Young who is even farther on in reconciling with his wife.  The two live together, vacation together, and rarely fight.  They are slowly but steadily building and have come miles from where they were.

The patience of these men is astounding, as is their capacity to forgive, make themselves vulnerable, not walk around a steaming ball of anger, and have gotten honest with themselves.  They are not wallowing in misery nor are they standing still.  They don't seem to take crap nor accept it from their wives.  They are pretty impressive MEN. 

Best LP
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if people won’t listen to you, there’s no point in talking to people. If they won’t listen, you’re just banging your head against a wall.

Sadly Ive used up all the time I had allotted to spend banging my head on the wall

j
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Another guy over on TAM reconciled, DayOne.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/221290-day-one.html
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Me - Mid 40's
W - Mid 40's
Married 20
No kids
BD - 7/2015
ILYB...
Moved out 2 days later
Suspect EA

M
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    • Stand...on His Word
attaching
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But by God's grace I am what I am.

March 22, 2015 But it is true, I no longer see myself as the problem or as the solution.

Feb 1, 2017 no hope = no expectations = no disappointments

Aug. 8, 2017 She has lung cancer
Sept. 12th 2017 She has surgery and is expected to fully recover and be cured

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Hi!
I ran into this one way back when I first started trying to figure out wtf was happening in my life and I hung on to it because there are always people looking for this kind of hope. This dude endured and came out the other side:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/40756-she-moving-back-home.html.

Hope this helps.

That one doesn't seem like full on MLC to me (although I didn't read through the entire topic), she wanted divorce but didn't move out until 9 months later, and then 4 months after that moved back and they reconciled?
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First BD End of February 2015
Second Affair BD IYLBNILWY June 2015
Move out - Julyish

Standing, for a bit longer anyway.

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Read through some of those stories, found steppingstone's story which is a good positive one: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5814.0

A lot of them are scary, with multiple PA's, going off the deep end, drinking, (the STD above) etc. which I hope isn't my story soon. I think I would be calling it quits.
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First BD End of February 2015
Second Affair BD IYLBNILWY June 2015
Move out - Julyish

Standing, for a bit longer anyway.

D
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Bd for me was 18 months ago and ive been divorced for 5 months now. Succes is letting go of all expectations and taking responsibility for your own happiness. Mine is one of the "scary" stories but that had nothing to do with why i filed for divorce after 6 months. I forgive my x, still care for her and communicate with her regularly about more than just the kids. She has admitted to others that she "destroyed her marriage and family" and is no happier for it. She has followed the mlc road map laid out here to a t. If she ever tries to come back i will deal with at that time.
I can't speak for every man but i am happy to share why i chose to file for divorce. The simple answer is we both needed it. My x needed to be divorced to move through her crisis bur more importantly i needed to do it for myself. Learning to end a bad relationship was part of the growth process i needed to go through. My x has reached out to thank me for my kindness over the past 18 months and she has apologized to me on several occasions. Ladies, not ALL men are driven by ego. Sometimes the mature thing to do is accept someone for who they are now and allow them to be that person. My desire to hold on to a person that no longer exists was harmful to everyone, including my children. They needed to see me move on with compassion so they could let go of the hope that mom might come back some day.
The divorce has allowed us both to move forward. My x asked to come over for Christmas morning to watch the kids open gifts. She stayed for almost 2 hours until it was time for the kids and i to go to grandpas. For the 1st time in 18 months i hugged the woman that was once my wife. It was sad, she felt frail while i am the healthiest i have ever been. Anyways, i know this isnt the success story you are looking for but sometimes we need to redefine our definition of success.
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Love your story. Thanks.

Antigone
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Ad maiora.

B
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I've done a lot of research on women and MLC and it does appear they are far less likely to come back than the men. Of the cases I've seen where it does happen it's often way past the MLC timeline.

Many men I know are of the the belief based on their past dating experiences that once a woman truly emotionally and physically goes to another man....she's gone. She might come back if she has no other options or to make a reluctant OM jealous enough to commit, but few men want to be be seen as having no self respect, a spare tire or emotional foil and try to make a fresh start without her.

I'm over four and a half years post BD now, my X was a Vanisher and virtually wrote me, my family and most of our friends out of her life the day she left...Personally I'd find the idea of her ever calling wanting to come back now after living with another man for over 4 years as disgusting and the worst sort of entitlement..
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