[Thunder]

MWBR,

More power to you!

I think once they take off with someone else, you have every right to date or not.  Your choice!
No judging here.   

[Samurai]

I feel like the odd man out as I'm open to dating and most on this forum are against it.

Well, it's a forum for standers so that's not a big surprise.

[Roma]

Hi MTBR,

Once you read on and fully gain understanding of MLC you will see that MLC is a temporary mental illness and an OP is merely a symptom. They are not going out and cheating on us because they want to.

'Standers' who have chosen to date have their own reasons to do so.

Most who choose to stand, don't date others. It's all up to you what you choose to do.

[nah]

MLC and/or depression is a reason but NOT an excuse for bad behavior.

My husband was not forced into anything. He made a choice.

Once he broke our vows and walked out the door I also made a choice.

I stared dating right away. This is a support forum not morals police.

[Ready2Transform]

There are quite a few forum members dating, and a lot of them belong to the 20+ year marriage club. I think the image of the "Spinster Stander" isn't a realistic one. Even those of us who were high school sweethearts with our spouses don't lack in progressive attitudes about sex and relationships just because we had a longer term run with our marriages. And I can also think of a few very short term marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend LBSs who are some of the most dedicated in traditional standing. Everyone is welcome to be themselves.

[Thunder]

I would never condemn someone for choosing to date, because after my first H went off the rails I did the same thing.

Only thing was I found I was no way ready to date and ended up hurting a very decent man.
So this time I decided no dating until I was healthy, in my head and ready for a new relationship.

A rebound relationship is too easy to fall into with disastrous outcomes.

[calamity]

I would never condemn someone for choosing to date, because after my first H went off the rails I did the same thing.

Only thing was I found I was no way ready to date and ended up hurting a very decent man.
So this time I decided no dating until I was healthy, in my head and ready for a new relationship.

A rebound relationship is too easy to fall into with disastrous outcomes.

Exactly. 

Healthy and ready for a new relationship.

I would add, if you are still contemplating accepting your spouse back sometime, you are not ready to date.  Unless you're in the camp: 'if it was done to me, I can do it to others' [as are so many op's].

[Thundarr]

I would never condemn someone for choosing to date, because after my first H went off the rails I did the same thing.

Only thing was I found I was no way ready to date and ended up hurting a very decent man.
So this time I decided no dating until I was healthy, in my head and ready for a new relationship.

A rebound relationship is too easy to fall into with disastrous outcomes.

Exactly. 

Healthy and ready for a new relationship.

I would add, if you are still contemplating accepting your spouse back sometime, you are not ready to date.  Unless you're in the camp: 'if it was done to me, I can do it to others' [as are so many op's].

I'm going to respectfully disagree here, Calamity.  I think many of us, myself included, would be open to taking our spouses back IF they come out of this and would be willing to do their part in a new relationship and not cake-eat.  Notice, I said a NEW relationship and not just picking back up with the old one again.  For years I rejected the assertion that we could not just "patch up our problems" and "make it work out" as I kept seeing it as an issue with the marriage, but once I started seeing MLC for what it really is then I started to really heal to the point that I could start to feel again.  I've been dating now for a couple months with varying results and have a couple in my orbit who definitely have long-term potential (one who is/ was a member here and on the alt) but that DOES NOT mean that I have completely closed the door to XW.  If, and I do mean IF, she were to show remorse and wish to come home I would have to seriously evaluate where I was at the time and how sincere she truly was.  If I were in a long-term relationship I would not consider it as my loyalty and dedication would be to that person.  If I were single and/ or just casually dating as I am now then I would definitely at least consider it and may take the leap of faith. 

I think it's misinforming to assert that dating means you "give up all hope" of ever reconciling with your spouse, but rather accepting the fact that your MLCer is one of many potential mates out there is very liberating and allows us to make the final strides to complete healing.  As long as you don't still see your MLCer as your ONLY possible positive outcome then I see no problem whatsoever with someone keeping the door cracked open while living their life to the fullest.

Bravo, MWBR, for your openness and honesty.  This is a site for those who have loved ones in MLC, not a site exclusively for standers!

[Thunder]

I guess I would say if you're divorced or legally separated you have every "legal" right to date.  It's not Infidelity.

If you aren't then you have to weigh your options and decide of it's better to date or not.  Every situation is different.
Some do it to even the score (revenge), some do it out it of loneliness or fear of being alone, while other no longer see any point in standing anymore.

People don't date for many reasons, too.  Religious reasons, still too much in love with their spouses, because of their kids, because of their vows or they just don't want to bring a 3rd or 4th party into this mess. 

Unless you walk in that person's shoes, no one should judge another's decision.
I walked on both sides.

[strength]

I know for myself, I am still so much in love with my H that I would not consider going on a date.  It would just give me more anxiety.  I remain true to my H, even though he could care less.  I pray to God each day for a miracle.  I would love nothing more than to have our family together again.  Also, for my children - they know I am nowhere ready for another relationship.  I don't want to do something for the wrong reasons.  So I guess, I am still standing and hoping even though the divorce is near being finalized.  It is whatever God wants for me.